I love my daughter so much

My daughter is, quite frankly, unattractive. How can we help her as she gets older? : Parenting

I'm 34, my husband is 36, we've been married 6 years, together 11, and have 1 child - our 9 year old daughter. I'm caucasian, my husband is Native American.

As our daughter matures, and believe me, I hate myself for saying this, please don't lambast me, it just is a logical fact, she's very physically unattractive. She got the worst traits of both my husband and I. His wide set eyes and strong nose, most of his facial bone structure, actually, my stocky build and curly hair, her skin tone is pretty much right between mine and his.

Neither my husband or I are models, but I think we're average looking to slightly above. Like most people. We have some favorable features and unfavorable features, also like anyone. Some may find us unattractive, some may not, but it just is what it is.

But our daughter, though physically normal, honestly looks like she has some sort of disability. So much so we had her tested. She doesn't. One doctor, who was filling in for our regular doctor when DD fell and her arm, when explaining to us how to help her wear a splint for what was, thankfully, just a moderate sprain, said "When a child has Down's syndrome...."

She doesn't have Down's syndrome.

Another tried to refer us to a craniofacial specialist because she thought our daughter had Apert Syndrome.

We tell our daughter she's beautiful, because she IS beautiful. She's funny, generous, compassionate - she's the kid that's always rescuing stray kittens and putting bugs back on leaves. We were out for ice cream once and a boy she didn't even know dropped his cone and started crying. His parents yelled at him and said that was it, they didn't have money for another one. When my daughter got her cone, she walked over and handed it to this boy. She has her moments, like any 9 year old, but she has a kind heart like nothing I've ever seen in a child so young, and phenomenal insight and empathy for others. We love her dearly, and she IS a beautiful person. I wouldn't want any other child, even if I could have the most physically beautiful child on earth.

But the facts are still what they are. She's not attractive. Of course we don't ever, EVER even allude to this. We try to help her make the most of what she has, constructively. We let her choose her own clothing for the most part, but it's "Which shirt do you like better? This one, or this one?" and try to choose colors and cuts that flatter her body and complexion. We aren't strict about it, she of course has a few things that I cringe when she puts them on, like any child, but we try to dress her well and right for her age and body.

I generally style her hair, because she has my hair exactly. Over the years I've learned what works best. But she's now to the age that she wants to wear the styles her friends wear, and do her hair herself, with very mixed results.

And, as she gets older, kids have begun to notice her looks. Some have made rude comments. A couple kids in the park have asked "Why does that girl look that way?" to their parents.

I feel beyond awful that I feel this way. But, because she is such a wonderful person inside, it hurts me the more that her peers won't see past her physical appearance. And, may god strike me dead for saying this, I'd almost rather she DID have a disability or chromosomal disorder. Then there would be an explanation for the way she looks other than just "bad genetic luck".

I confided in a good friend and she told me that she might grow into her looks. I guess that's possible. I hope she will.

But, I just don't know how first, handle my feelings about the fact that my child isn't physically attractive. It's hard to reconcile with how much I love her, and what a wonderful person she is. I wish I could look at her and see physical beauty too, but I just... can't. I cry about it, a lot. She just has such a wonderful heart and personality, it was like god (define that how you will) could only let her have one type of beauty. And I'd rather have her be a good hearted person more than anything else. But life will be hard for her and she doesn't deserve that. I just don't know how to NOT feel guilty that I don't think my own child is adorable and gorgeous.

And two, how can I help her look HER best? How do I answer the "am I pretty mommy?" questions?

Just... please don't hate me. I hate myself enough as it is. I just want to help my daughter grow to be a healthy, happy young woman, and not let her appearance get in the way of letting the world know what a wonderful person she is.

365 Reasons Why I Love My Daughter {let her know how special she is}

What Do I Love Most About My Daughter?

Daughters are the light in their mother’s life.  They fill her days with laughter, and happiness, and make her feel loved and cherished.  

A daughter is a treasure, to be cherished and loved unconditionally.  Being a mom is one of the most rewarding gifts life can give.

Every day spent with a daughter is a special gift.   From watching them take their first steps to hearing their first words, enjoying those sweet smells, every single moment is precious.

Seeing them grow and learn new things is an amazing experience that only mothers can understand.

Daughters are what make being a mom or dad the best job in the world.

There are 365 reasons why I love my daughter – one for every day of the year.  she is amazing and I am so blessed to be her mom.

Here are just a few of the reasons why.

  • She is always happy and cheerful, no matter what life throws at her.
  • She is fiercely independent and always stands up for what she believes in.
  • She has a heart of gold and is always there for her family when they need her.


Please enable JavaScript


365 Reasons Why I Love My Daughter

  • She is an amazing student and is always pushing herself to do her best.
  • She is my best person and I can always count on her to make me laugh.
  • I am so proud of the woman she is becoming and I know she is going to change the world.

You want to tell your daughter how much you love her, but you don’t know where to start.

It can be tough to find the words to express how much you love your daughter, but it’s important that she knows this.

You are welcome to use any of the following to send to your own daughter.

  • I love that she’s beautiful, both inside and out.
  • She’s such a special little girl with so much personality and spunk.  We are so lucky to be her parents.
  • She has an amazing sense of humor, and a quick wit that always makes me laugh.  I am so lucky to be her mom.

There are so many reasons why I love my daughter.  Every day she finds a new way to make me smile and laugh.  She’s caring and compassionate, always looking out for the welfare of others.

I don’t know what I would do without her in my life.   To my baby girl, I love you so much, you are such a good listener and you have a contagious smile.  Never change!

  • She wakes up every morning with a smile on her face.
  • She’s always eager to learn new things.
  • I love her freedom, the way she’s always exploring and learning new things.
  • She makes me feel incredibly special.  Even on days when she’s tired or cranky, she always manages to make me smile.
  • She’s an amazing big sister.
  • I love her zest for life and her infectious joy.

365 Things I Love About My Daughter

My daughter is warm, afraid of nothing and excited about everything she tries.  She reminds me when I forget things, she is a huge support to her father and me. 

I adore the relationship we have and hope it stays that way forever.  She is our whole world.

  • We have so much fun together, she really is my best friend.
  • I love how passionate she is about the things she cares about.
  • I get to see a whole new world in a different perspective through her unique eyes.
  • I love how much she loves spending time with her family and friends.
  • She is a true animal and nature lover.  If she could, we would own 3 dogs, 5 cats, 7 horses, and lots of chickens.
  • She brings joy into my life every day with her goofy dance moves.

When I come home, my daughter will run to the door and give me a big hug, and everything that’s happened that day just melts away.Hugh Jackman