How to dream with someone
How To Dream About Someone, According To Experts
If you absolutely must spend seven to eight hours asleep, wouldn’t it be great if you could spend that time with, say, that guy you met on vacation a few years ago? You know, the one who took your heart on a Vespa ride, Lizzie McGuire-style? It sure sounds a lot better than the doomsday dreams you’re having most nights.
Read more: What Do Dreams About Cats Mean? Here's What Experts Say
TikTokers have long understood the appeal of figuring out how to dream about someone, from saucy romps with forbidden lovers to transcendent visits with loved ones from the other side. Videos that use the #dreams hashtag have 3.5 billion views. Many of them feature dream hacks, like how to make a cameo in someone else’s dream or how to have a lucid dream. And while the concept of bossing the sandman around might remind you of the antics you’d get up to at a middle school sleepover party, there’s actually nothing far-out about influencing your dreams so that a certain someone shows up.
According to dream analyst Layne Dalfen, there are very practical ways to intentionally dream about someone. “All parts of the dream are parts of you,” Dalfen says. “You're the director, the producer, all the actors, and the playwright.”
Even if you’ve tried and failed to manifest your great-grandmother into your dreams so you can ask her about where her funky snake ring came from, Dalfen says that your dreams are never random. “Who appears in your dream, your dream story — it’s always a reflection of what’s going on with you, and once you uncover it, you’ll realized how sophisticated the unconsciousness is,” she says.
The key to intentional dreaming, she says, is getting in touch with your subconscious and looking for signs you might be missing in the dreams you’re already having.
How To Dream About Someone
When people talk about having control over their dreams, they’re usually referring to lucid dreaming, where you have awareness that you’re dreaming. In a lucid dream, you have conscious influence over what happens, so you could theoretically bring in whoever you want to see.
According to Rebecca Robbins, Ph.D., resident sleep expert at Oura Ring, lucid dreams are common, but hard to study as all the data relies on self-reports. If you’re up for the challenge of lucid dreaming as a way of controlling who you dream about, Robbins points to the techniques of Stephen LaBerge, Ph.D., a leading lucid dreaming researcher. Robbins recommends LaBerge’s suggestion that upon waking, “You focus on a unique event that took place in the dream, then recite, ‘The next time I am dreaming, I want to recognize that I'm dreaming’.” This pathway to the lucid state — and other pathways that are popular on TikTok, like sleeping in different rooms, or sleeping and waking at the same time nightly, or in cooler temperatures — don’t work for everyone. But when you are able to lucid dream, it’s because you’ve managed to keep your brain in a slightly active state while dreaming; that’s why you’re able to hold onto a degree of consciousness even while asleep.
Another way to increase your chances of lucid dreaming is to simply spend more time sleeping. Robbins says that much of lucid dreaming is accomplished in a REM state, where “memory consolidation improves, and learning and problem solving happen.” This is the most mentally active state of sleep; the more time you spend in it, the greater chance you have of experiencing a bonus, extra-active REM cycle that veers into lucid territory. You’ll know you’re there if you’re suddenly aware of the fact that you’re dreaming, at which point you can call upon your desired guest.
How To Dream More Intentionally
Another way to dream about someone is to make them a fixture in your subconscious. Then, you’ll let your mind do the rest of the set design and storyboarding for you. Think about the time you spent all day stressed about a work presentation, and then dreamed about showing up for work in the nude with a corrupt file. The presentation meant a lot to you, so you couldn’t avoid the spillover into your dreams. When you’re focused on someone in the same way, they’re more likely to pop up in your dreams.
“A dream is the conversation that you're having with yourself, and it's always something that you either thought about or that happened to you,” Dalfen says. “So when we go to sleep at night, we prioritize the one thing that's bugging us the most, and all of your dreams are going be about that same subject,” she adds. The key to dreaming about someone in particular is to make sure that they’re living rent-free in your head.
If you want to be “bugged” by a certain someone in your dreams, Dalfen says to spend some time meditating before bed. “As you’re falling asleep, try to imagine a periscope coming out of the top of your head calling to them.” Another method is to start thinking about them earlier in the day. “Write it down on a piece of paper and keep it with you and look at it a couple of times and ask yourself what you want from this person, what problem you want them to solve, what you hope to learn from them, what spending time with them would mean, and then put paper under your pillow. ”
How To Interpret Your Dreams For Missed Signals
If you’re spending a lot time thinking about someone, but they’re not showing up in your dreams, Dalfen says to look harder. “You might think that you did not dream about the person that you wanted to dream about, but you probably did; it's just that the story or the pictures didn't look how you imagine them to look, because the language of the unconscious is the language of metaphor,” she says.
For example, if you had a dream about a childhood pet when you were trying to have a dream about John Mulaney, take the time to zero in on what your childhood pet represents to you. Cute and cuddly? Sure. A reminder of youth? OK. A lesson in responsibility? Why not. Dalfen says to go even deeper. “What are the personalities traits that you attach to that symbol? How do they make you feel? What were they doing? What do they mean to you?” Answering these questions might make you realize your dreams are more inline with your waking desires than you realize. Maybe Mulaney showed up in the form of the Cosmo the dog to share an ice cream cone because Cosmo always reminded you not to take things too seriously, which is an association you have with Mulaney, too. It might sound like a stretch, but Dalfen says the subconscious is “just that clever.”
Why You Can’t Make Someone Show Up In Your Dream
If you are completely unable to draw any connection between John Mulaney and Cosmo, don’t push it. But maybe think about why you’re trying to dream about John Mulaney in the first place. Dalfen says that if you’re not dreaming about someone, you probably don’t really want to. “It has to be someone or something that is deeply resonating with you, touching your core, and you are looking for a solution that only they can help you find,” she says.
“Some people think about somebody consciously because they're already thinking about them subconsciously,” Dalfen says, explaining that this is why it seems easy for these people to cast their dreams. When someone is truly on your mind in a meaningful or impactful way, they will show up in your dreams in some form — and likely remain in a recurring role until you figure out why you wanted them to hang out in your dreams in the first place.
Do you miss your ex, or is there something off in your current relationship that has you looking for answers in the past? Are you thinking a lot about your aunt, or is she kind of woman who stands up for herself in a way you aren’t in your waking life? When you understand why you want to spend time with the people on your dream cast shortlist, you have a much better chance of actually having a meaningful nighttime rendezvous.
Layne Dalfen, dream analyst.
Rebecca Robbins, Ph.D.
How To Dream About Someone Specific, According To Experts
Have you wondered about how to dream about someone very specific? Like a co-corker or long-lost friend?
If so, keep reading.
In this blog post, we will discuss the different techniques that you can use to have dreams about a specific someone.
What you will learn in this article:
- 1 Intro: Why Do We Even Have Dreams?
- 2 How To Dream About Someone Specific
- 2.1 1. Make A Dream Board
- 2.2 2. Keep A Picture Of The Person Nearby
- 2.3 3. Write About The Person
- 2.4 4. Talk About The Person
- 3 Deliberate dreaming tips
- 4 What Do The Experts Say?
- 5 Conclusion
- 5.1 Check out more of our dream-related articles
Intro: Why Do We Even Have Dreams?
Dreams can be powerful, and sometimes we don’t even know what to make of them.
And that can make us feel happy, confused, scared, or even frustrated.
Dreams are usually visual images that we see while we sleep.
They can be vivid and realistic, or they can be more like a series of disconnected thoughts and images.
Dreams can sometimes be meaningful, but often they don’t seem to make much sense.
There are different theories about why we dream, but scientists don’t yet fully understand the purpose of dreaming.
Some believe that dreams are a way for our brains to process information and sort through memories.
Others think that dreams may help us practice coping with difficult situations or working through problems.
Whatever the reason, dreams can be interesting and fun to explore. If you’ve ever wanted to know more about dreams, read on for some tips from experts on how to dream about someone specific.
How To Dream About Someone Specific
If you want to dream about someone specific, there are a few things you can do.
1. Make A Dream Board
Cut out some pictures of the person you want to dream about.
Paste these images onto a piece of poster board or cardboard, and place the dream board somewhere near where you sleep.
As you look at the dream board, imagine what it would be like to interact with the person in your dreams.
What would they say? What would you say? How would they make you feel?
Spend a few minutes each day focusing on the dream board, and soon you will start dreaming about the person often.
2. Keep A Picture Of The Person Nearby
Keep a picture of the person you are attracted to in your wallet or purse.
As you go about your day, take a few moments to look at the picture and think about the person.
Imagine what it would be like to talk to them, or spend time with them.
When you go to bed at night, think about the person you are attracted to before you fall asleep.
Visualize what it would be like to dream about them.
With a little bit of focus and effort, you can start dreaming about the person you are attracted to in no time.
3. Write About The Person
Write about the person you are attracted to in a journal. Write down everything you know about them, and everything you would like to know about them.
Write about your conversations, and the things you would do together.
The more you write about the person, the more likely you are to have vivid dreams about them.
4. Talk About The Person
Talk about the person with your friends. Ask them what they think about the person, and share your thoughts as well.
Talking about the person you want to dream about will help to keep them on your mind, and you may find yourself dreaming about them as a result.
Deliberate dreaming tips
Some people might find that trying to have a dream about someone can be frustrating. If you want to increase your chances of success, here are a few things you can do:
- Keep a dream journal: every morning when you wake up, write down what you remember from the previous night’s dreams. Over time, you’ll start to see patterns and recall dreams more frequently.
- Set the intention before you go to sleep: tell yourself that you want to dream about a specific person. It might help to write it down or say it out loud.
- Pay attention to your surroundings in the dream: once you’re in the dream, take notice of your surroundings and try to interact with them. The more you engage with the dream, the more likely you are to remember it when you wake up.
- Focus on how you feel: the emotions you feel in a dream can be just as important as the visual images. Pay attention to how the person makes you feel and what kind of energy they bring into the dream.
With a little bit of effort, you can start to have more control over your dreams, and become more able to dream about someone specific.
What Do The Experts Say?
According to experts, dreaming about someone can be a way to process feelings that you may not be able to express when you are awake.
Dreams can also be a way to work through unfinished business or unresolved issues.
If you find yourself dreaming about someone frequently, it might be time to take a closer look at your relationship with that person.
If you dream about someone you know, it can be a sign that you have unresolved feelings for them.
If the person is a stranger, the dream may represent qualities that you need to work on developing.
Dreams about people can also be symbolic.
For example, if you dream about your boss, it could symbolize feelings of anxiety or insecurity about your workplace.
If you dream about a friend, it might represent the qualities of that person that you admire.
It’s important to remember that dreams are not always literal; they are often symbolic representations of our feelings and thoughts.
So if you find yourself dreaming about someone frequently, take some time to examine your thoughts more closely.
Now you know how to dream about someone, you need to focus on that person before you go to sleep.
You should also relax your body and clear your mind by focusing on your breath.
Once you’re in a deep sleep, your subconscious will take over and you’ll be more likely to have a dream.
Remember, everyone dreams differently so there’s no one right way to do it.
Just relax, focus on the person you want to dream about, and let your subconscious do the rest.
Thanks for reading!
Check out more of our dream-related articles
- What does it mean to have dreams about snakes?
- What do dreams of being pregnant mean? Here are 9 answers to common questions.
- Dreams about teeth falling out: what do they mean?
How to dream correctly? Psychologists and neuroscientists answer
Dreams motivate, allow you to achieve the impossible and raise your own bar. But there is an important detail: it is not so easy to separate your own desires from those imposed by society, advertising and other people. Is it possible to learn to dream correctly? Our friends from the Reminder project, a new media about health and self-development, have collected recommendations from psychologists and neuroscientists.
Barbara Sher Method
Psychologist Barbara Sher wrote Wishcraft's book Wishcraft back in 1979, but her methodology has survived the past 40 years, as evidenced by numerous reprints of the book. It is based on the belief that each of us has a unique dream or dreams (of various sizes) that can be reformulated into life goals, and that everyone has every right to achieve these goals. The task is to clearly define what exactly we dream about, and then use the algorithm proposed by the author to turn dreams into reality. Here is a series of exercises designed to help you determine what your true passion is.
Exercise 1. Who do you think you are?
Take a piece of paper and describe yourself in a few sentences. Hint: do not write about age, occupation, marital status. The question is what do you love and what are you really interested in.
Exercise 2. Your original essence
Take a new piece of paper and try to immerse yourself in the memories of your childhood. What was most important to you in the early years of your life? What did you dream about then? Do you feel that some of these memories and desires are still interesting and important to you? What occupation or profession can these childhood hobbies be converted into?
Exercise 3. What you could be
Imagine that when you were growing up, your parents and other significant adults in your life always supported you in all your endeavors and dreams. That they didn’t tell you that you first need to get a “real” profession, and then try yourself in something “frivolous”. What would you be if your interests always encouraged and supported you in any difficult moment? Feel free to use your imagination.
Now that you've managed to remember what was (and still is) important to you, it's time for the next batch of exercises.
Exercise 4. Choose a color and describe its qualities
If you have a box of pencils at home, great. If there is no box, then use the online tool to choose the color you like at that moment. Now play with this color in a role-playing game. Describe the qualities of this color, speaking from its point of view. For example: "I am orange, I am warm, cheerful and bright." This exercise, like all the others, has no correct answers. It is important because it gives us a sense of our own uniqueness, when we understand that our vision of the chosen color is only ours.
Exercise 5. Playing Private Investigator
Carefully inspect your apartment with the eyes of a detective who needs to make a verbal portrait of a stranger by examining his place of residence. Who lives here? Is the house clean or "creative mess"? What books does this person (and does) read? What's in his fridge? Is any color or material prevalent in the interior? What's in the wardrobe? We collect our lives piece by piece, not always realizing that there is some kind of system behind it, but the person who first came to our house, most likely, will be able to isolate some patterns.
Exercise 6. Looking from the outside
It is very difficult for us to praise ourselves and find strengths in ourselves. Our whole culture is saturated with the idea that people who are not shy about praising themselves are unpleasant upstarts. But, if you really want to understand what you dream about and start acting in this direction, you need to figure out your best qualities. Ideally, if you find the strength to ask for a look from one of your close friends or your partner. But there are two rules. First, ask the speaker to be as specific as possible while avoiding any criticism, no matter how constructive it may seem. Second, your task in this exercise is simply to write down everything the praiser tells you. Don't interrupt. Don't argue. If you find it too difficult to listen to praise head-on, ask your exercise partner to write it down on a piece of paper.
What if the thought of asking someone for praise makes you break into a cold sweat? How about becoming that friend yourself? You really know your best qualities, all you need is permission to say these words out loud and write them down on paper.
Exercise 7. Twenty favorite activities
Take a sheet of paper and write down twenty things that you like to do in a column. Anything, no matter how banal or frivolous it may seem to you. To the right of the list, on the top line, write the following questions to yourself.
- Does it cost money or is it free?
- Can you do it alone or do you need someone?
- How long ago did I last do this?
- Is this a spontaneous activity or a planned activity?
- Have I always liked it?
- Do I have someone to share this activity with?
- And any others that seem important to you.
By answering these questions, you will discover many new things. Someone realizes that for a long time they have not done almost anything that they really like. Someone will be surprised to know that he has so many diverse interests. Someone will understand that his favorite activities do not require much effort / money, and someone, on the contrary, that in order to do what he loves, he does not have enough free time or money.
Exercise 8. Ideal environment
Take another piece of paper and answer the question: what conditions and what kind of environment do I need in order to show myself, my strengths, to become what I could and would like to be? It is important to avoid any restrictions. Just imagine your ideal world. Where do you live. Who do you live with. Who do you communicate with. What do you do. Most importantly, do not try to adapt to the real world. If you don't like cleaning, have a cleaning fairy around you. If you don't like to cook, let someone else do it. Dream. Now ask yourself the question: what qualities of your personality will manifest in full force if you live in this ideal environment?
Exercise 9: Ideal day
Now that you have visualized your ideal environment, describe your ideal day. As in the previous exercise, do not try to limit yourself to reality and realism, because your ideal day is the first step towards real dreams. This description must be in the first person and present tense. Where are you spending this day? Who are you doing it with? What do you do during the day? Describe it in as much detail as possible and as if nothing is bothering you. Now that the description is complete, you will need to ask yourself a series of questions that will help you understand what you need in order to feel happy, what you already have, and what is holding you back.
- What elements of your perfect day can't you imagine being happy without? It can be "who" or "what" or "where" or both.
- Which of these are optional but desirable?
- Which ones ended up in the description because it would be nice to have them, but in general it is quite possible to do without them?
- If you already have some of the components of an ideal day, what is it?
- What elements are missing?
- What needs to be done to make your tomorrow the same as your corrected ideal day, the one with the things that matter most to you?
For some it may be money, but for others it may be a sense of self-confidence and belief in one's right to be happy and successful. Whatever it is, it is important to clearly understand what you are missing in order to then work in this direction.
Exercise 10. List of Problems
Now that you have the difficult but enjoyable process of visualizing your ideal life behind you, based on which you can formulate your goal, the next step is necessary: you must make a complete list of problems and obstacles, which can get in your way along the way. These will be both specific obstacles, such as living in another country or the need to care for parents, and your feelings, for example, lack of confidence in your abilities or (which is probably even more common) in your right to become a happy and fulfilled person. Record everything.
Exercise 11. Finding a Goal
Until now, we have only dreamed, but the beauty of dreams is that they can really help us change our lives by giving our brain a plan of action on how to turn them into reality. To do this, we need to learn how to define our goals. And if dreams are about sensations and feelings, then goals are about concrete facts. The dream to go all the way of St. James or to sing an opera on stage will remain a dream until you have specific goals with clearly set deadlines, to which you begin to move forward without delay. It is easy enough to set specific goals with little effort if your dreams are quite specific, but what if you dream of success in a certain kind of activity? What if you want to be a successful writer or a successful real estate agent? How to determine the criteria for success and, accordingly, the achievement of your goal? The answer is simple: only you can determine success. For someone to feel like a successful writer, it is enough to write one popular book, get their 15 minutes of fame and do other things. And someone wants to write for the rest of his life and is ready to measure his success not by the huge circulation of his books, but by the response they evoke from loyal readers. Some people need a few high-profile deals to feel like a successful real estate agent, while others want to be proud of each apartment sold, lovingly selected for clients. The criteria for success are up to you, but that means you have to define them.
King of the Hill
King of the Hill by Bronson and Ashley Merriman is about the nature and psychology of competition, but it has an interesting section on positive thinking. In contrast to the techniques for applying positive thinking, Bronson and Merriman write that positive thinking by itself often not only does not guarantee our success, but can even prevent us from achieving it.
If your dreams are about getting results, then science says it's not positive thinking that will help you, but anticipating risks. By being aware of the obstacles you may encounter along the way to your goal and by anticipating mistakes, you increase the likelihood that you will achieve what you want. However, if you present yourself as a winner from the very beginning, reality can greatly disappoint you.
According to research, if you visualize only the ideal job of your dreams during the search for a job, as a result of the search, you can end up without a job at all, or at least with a lower salary than those people who did not indulge in excessive dreams during the search process. If you are looking for a life partner who must meet all the criteria of a once invented prince (or princess), there is a great risk of being left without a relationship at all.
Hence one rule that must be followed if we want to dream correctly: first we must allow ourselves to dream, imagining what we want, and then think carefully about the obstacles that may arise on the way. By imagining obstacles, you will give your brain food for thought about how to get around these obstacles. It is these reflections that help turn desire into a goal.
The Shrini Pillay Method
Harvard, Drip, Marai, and Taste, written by Harvard University neuroscientist Shrini Pillay, is that in order to reach our potential, we need to learn how to unfocus our brains, and not exist in a state of constant concentration.
First, he advises to indulge in daydreaming every day, allocating special time for this. You can start with 10-15 minutes, gradually increasing the time devoted to lucid dreams to half an hour 3-4 times a day. The first session of dreams can be arranged right in the morning, before getting out of bed. If you find it difficult to make time during the day, remember that breaks in work always happen - in line at the bank, on the way to the subway, or while you load dirty dishes into the dishwasher. If it seems to you that by deliberately setting aside so much time for "inactivity" you are compromising your productivity, keep in mind that daydreaming is an absolutely normal state inherent in all people, and any person spends from half an hour to several hours in a dream state. hours every day.
Speaking of how to dream about your goals, here is what Pillay advises his clients and readers of the book.
- Visualization. Whatever your goal is, choose an image for it. If you're dreaming about a relationship, imagine yourself in some of the pleasurable moments of that relationship with your partner. If your dream is to travel to Japan, imagine yourself in the place where you will go first. If your goal is a large amount of money, then imagine something related to how you will spend it.
- Visualization-2. Try to imagine what is happening not only from the first, but also from the third person, in order to see the situation from different angles.
- Realistic target. Pillay writes that the belief in the complexity or impossibility of something prevents the creation of a mental image. In relation to the visualization of our goals, we can assume that overly ambitious goals will require adjustment until the brain "accepts" them. If your goal is to lose the 15 kilograms that have been with you for the last 10 years, it will be difficult for the brain to visualize how you will look. It is much easier to imagine where three kilograms went - so why not start with this figure? Subsequently, you will make changes to your dreams until you reach the desired mark.
- The more concretely you imagine and visualize your goal, the more likely it is that your intention will be realized. "Polish" in your dreams the image of the goal until it becomes almost tangible.
- Use all your senses in your dreams. Your fantasy should be as real as possible, and if, imagining a certain situation, you can not only draw its visual image, but also imagine your tactile sensations, tastes, smells, sounds, this will create a multifaceted image that will help increase confidence in the likelihood of the situation. .
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Dreaming is not harmful: four effective ways to achieve goals
A few rules on how best to formulate wishes and dreams so that they come true. Psychologist's advice
New Year's time is the time when it is customary to make wishes. A child wakes up in each of us who believes that you can ask Santa Claus for anything - and it will definitely come true! But as adults, we understand that it would be nice to help Santa Claus somehow. And this is really in your hands. We can increase our internal motivation, draw up a clear step-by-step plan of action for ourselves, find sources of necessary resources in our environment, we can carefully consider hypothetical obstacles and work out ways to overcome them.
Finished reading here
That is why there is no unique algorithm that is suitable for creating and realizing any dream. Each dream has its own specifics, deadlines and ways of motivation and achievement. Often your intended end result may depend on patient, well-structured (or even team) work and looms somewhere far into the future.
So what I propose to do is figure out what skills and mental techniques are good for your different kinds of desires, and how you can help yourself fulfill them.
If you have a dream - run to it
As you know, a person easily finds time for what he really wants.
There is always a very strong motivation here - such that it takes your breath away. When all day long with a burning eye, very fast (and often confused) speech, you can only think and talk about this, ideas gush out one after another. There are always many fallback options here, how else can you achieve what you want if some of the chosen paths do not work. You don’t feel like sleeping at all, eat - through force and only if someone reminds you (or even better - just put a plate next to it). In this state, you can really move mountains.
However, as a rule, this strategy is only suitable for those plans that can be completed fairly quickly, a maximum of a couple of weeks. Then the body begins to get tired and slip, no matter what external motivators drive you. The self-preservation instinct includes overt or covert sabotage, and this is a sure sign that you are no longer suitable for emergency work. It is necessary to stop, look for assistants or simplify the task.
But what if there is no way to postpone, otherwise the opportunity will be completely missed? Is it possible to somehow help yourself to prolong the state of combat performance?
Yes, you can. The key word here is condition. That is, it can be artificially induced and heated. Think of any moment in your life when you were really on fire with something. When inspiration surged. It doesn't matter when and for what reason it was - you were excitedly waiting for a party in honor of your 16th birthday; you were enthusiastically working on some interesting project for you; you were in love and did everything to win your loved one; you really wanted to get some kind of position, a grant, win a competition.
Immerse yourself in these memories. Pay attention to how you breathe at this moment, what internal images are now flashing before your eyes, how a characteristic “itch” appears in your hands, how the body itself bounces from activity, and thoughts rush at breakneck speed. If you remember in detail, at the level of bodily sensations, this state and try to strengthen it, remember and hold for some time, then you will be able to transfer this state to your current task. There is nothing complicated here - try it.
Think about what benefits you will get from realizing your dreams - what else good will these results bring you. Perhaps this will be a great springboard for career growth. Maybe it will bring you the recognition of people important to you, raise your self-esteem even more, bring you unforgettable new experiences, or bring you closer to a sense of self-realization.
Draw an image of the "improved" you that you really want to be someday, and place this alluring picture in your future.
Then your dream (maybe, at first glance, rather modest) will begin to seem much more motivating and beautiful. And then you can really “drop everything” and rush to her in full sail.
If you can't run to your dream, go for it
It also happens that your dream belongs to the category of long-term projects. Indeed, it is very difficult for most people to burn with desire for many months or even years and continue to purposefully do something in order to bring this dream closer.
What can help here is a well-defined plan of what, when and how you can do (sometimes at the level of the smallest steps) to move towards your goal.
What resources will you need and who can help you? What do you already know, and what skills do you still need to learn to achieve your goals? What information do you need and where can you collect it? If you need money, how do you get it?
To follow this plan, and not just write it, you also, of course, need some motivation. But it may not be as strong and adrenaline-filled as in the case of “run to your dreams”. You will need patience, perseverance, and the ability to honestly praise yourself for every small step you take.
At the same time, don't turn following the plan into routine and burdensome duties. Remember that you are doing this for yourself, and precisely because it brings you closer to your beloved dream. Remind yourself regularly that it was you who wanted to achieve this, and why it is so important to you.
Be flexible about both the goal itself and the means to achieve it. As you progress towards your dream, it may actually turn out that some of the details from your initial “picture of the achieved result” are either not so important or too difficult to implement. So, for example, if, ideally, you would like to open your own art gallery “in the very center of Moscow”, but it turned out that the Kremlin already stands in this place, this is not a reason to abandon the dream altogether - it’s just that the building of your gallery can be moved aside a couple of miles to the side. And it will be flexibility at the level of setting a goal, when you correct the dream picture itself. Flexibility at the level of means to achieve a dream manifests itself a little differently - your gallery will still be in the Kremlin, but you need to find the right people who will help you sell this idea to the city administration.
If you can't walk, crawl
But what if you don't have enough time, money or skills to fulfill your dream yet? Some people at this thought simply give up the effort. If they are not particularly interested in long-term prospects, the delayed goal fades over time and ceases to motivate.
However, it is too early to lower the wings. If the desire cannot be fulfilled immediately - at this particular time, with these people, in these circumstances - then it can be “moved” a little further into the future and outline specific steps that you can take to still get closer to the goal.
You must have often heard the expert opinion that in order to realize a dream, you must visualize it in all the smallest details. In the case when you move the dream into a more distant future, this is just not useful at all. The more your desired picture is tied to specifics, the more you depend on this specifics. And if something doesn’t go according to plan, it seems to your brain that you are not coping with the task.
In this case, it is much more useful to come up with some metaphorical symbol of your dreams (bright spot of light, mesmerizing fireworks or gentle sea tide - whatever you want), and just imagine this abstract picture in your future, without being tied to a specific month or even year . And the details will be drawn already as we approach the implementation, when it becomes much clearer to you where, when and with whom you can fulfill your dream.
If you can't crawl, lie down in the direction of your dream
But if all of the above doesn't work for you for some reason, this is a sure sign that something is wrong with your goal and/or motivation. Or that on the way to your goal there are a number of obstacles - both external and internal - which, first of all, you need to clearly see and then decide how to deal with them.
First, make sure that this goal is really yours and is really desired and still relevant. Has it happened that you are dreaming about something generally accepted (or even imposed by someone!)? Have you grown out of this goal, has it lost its appeal to you? Are there too many risks or sacrifices associated with this dream?
Secondly, check if you believe that the dream is in principle feasible, and not for someone abstract, but for yourself? Do you think you will ever be able to achieve this? And finally, do you deserve it?
Unfortunately, it is not a lack of funds or insurmountable external obstacles that prevents so many of our dreams from being fulfilled, but our own convictions. For example, you may find that you can achieve something for earning money, but not for pleasure. Or suddenly it turns out that you are not supposed to be happy at all.
If, as a child, you used to hear something like: “Well, well, it’s not bad to dream!” or even “Who are you to achieve this?”, it may very well be that you subconsciously still believe in the truth of these statements and follow these rules, unconsciously hindering your success.
If, despite a brilliant picture of the result and a beautifully designed step-by-step plan, you find that you do not have the energy to implement it and instead sit back on the couch and mournfully think about the "future of all things", think that wrong with your beliefs about yourself! Especially if this happens with almost every major dream you have.
Lying down and lying down in the direction of the dream is a dead-end, Manilovian strategy.