Have i asperger

Top 10 signs you have Aspergers

A humorous look at Aspergers. Englebert updated this blog post in 2021 here.

by Englebert Lau

What are the top 10 signs you have Asperger’s Syndrome?

1) You have inflexible routines

  Girl: “Let’s go watch a movie tonight.”
  Guy: “I can’t, I have to play hockey.”
  Girl: “You play hockey every Friday night. Why can’t you change your routine?”
  Guy: “Good habits are important. Do you know what happens if I skip hockey to watch a movie tonight? Next week, I’ll skip hockey because you want to go shopping. The week after that, I’ll have to skip hockey because you want to paint pottery. After years of no exercise, I’ll die early and overweight. Is that what you want?”
  Girl: “Oh my god, you’re crazy.”

2) You have trouble displaying emotion

  [Emotion #1: happy]   Girl: “Oh my god, you just won the lotto. Why don’t you look happy?”
  Guy: “I am happy. I can pay off my mortgage faster. Look, I’m smiling. Doesn’t that mean I’m happy?”

  [Emotion #2: sad]   Girl: “I’m sorry to hear that Calgary lost to Toronto. Are you okay?”
  Guy: “I’m sad. Look, I’m not smiling. Doesn’t that prove I’m sad?”

  [Emotion #3: angry]   Girl: “I’m so sorry that I broke your Batman DVD.”
  Guy: “I’m angry. Do I need to snap one of your shoes in half to prove that I’m upset?”

3) You have trouble figuring what is appropriate in social situations

  Guy: [Gives flimsy hug]   Girl: “Why is your hug so weak? Are you afraid of women?”
  Guy: [Gives firm hug]   Girl: “Why are you squeezing me so tightly? Stop choking me, you weirdo!”

4) You lack empathy

  Girl: [Crying]   Guy: “What’s wrong?”
  Girl: “My boyfriend just dumped me.”
  Guy: “Would you like a Kleenex?”
  Girl: “What’s wrong with you? Haven’t you ever loved someone for years, then watched them walk away and then rip out your heart? Why can’t you show any emotion?”
  Guy: “But I’m having a good day. The Calgary Flames won the hockey game. Why do I have to pretend that I’m sad just to make you feel better?”

5) You know way too much information about a single topic

  Girl: “What’s the name of the girl who plays Daenerys on Game of Thrones?”
  Guy: “Emilia Clarke.”
  Girl: “How old is she?”
  Guy: “She’s 28, born on May 1st, 1987.”
  Girl: “Who is she going out with?”
  Guy: “She broke up with Seth MacFarlane in March 2013.”
  Girl: “Why do you know this stuff?

6) You have trouble figuring out when to lie

  Girl: “Does this dress make me look fat?”
  Guy: “Yes.”
  Girl: “What the hell is wrong with you?” [Throws shoe at guy]   Guy: “Do you want me to lie, or tell the truth? It’s one or the other. You can’t have both!”

7) You have trouble describing basic emotions

  Girl: “So how would you describe yourself when you’re angry?”
  Guy: “I change the pitch of my voice. People who yell are usually upset.”
  Girl: “But at a hockey game, if the Flames score a goal, people yell because they’re happy.”
  Guy: “Emotions are unreliable. Why do you always ask how I feel? Why can’t you focus on reliable information, like facts?”
  Girl: “You’re weird. You’re an emotionless robot.”

8) You care way too much about organizing stuff

  Girl: [Puts DVD back on shelf]   Guy: “What the hell are you doing?”
  Girl: “I’m putting your Batman Blu-Ray back on your shelf. What’s your problem?”
  Guy: “Did you go to kindergarten? Alphabetical order is “A”, then “B”, then “C”. You almost put Batman on my shelf after Community. Good lord. How can I find a DVD when you’re messing up my stuff?”
  Girl: “Dude, relax. It’s just a Blu-Ray. It’s no big deal.”
  Guy: “Sure. Just like the alphabet and kindergarten are no big deal. Without kindergarten, we wouldn’t be able to have this conversation!”

9) You have trouble understanding other people’s emotions

  Girl: “Wasn’t Romeo and Juliet the best story every written? Didn’t the story make you feel really sad?”
  Guy: “I didn’t feel anything. All I learned from Romeo and Juliet is that it’s important to develop technology.”
  Girl: “What’s wrong with you? Romeo and Juliet both gave up their lives because they were in love. They made the ultimate sacrifice for each  other!”
  Guy: “Can you imagine if they lived in 2015? All they had to do was send each other one lousy text message. Bam! Problem solved. No one had to die.”
  Girl: “Oh my god. You’re an emotionless robot who doesn’t understand romance.”
  Guy: “Hey, it’s not my fault that they didn’t invent cell phones in the Middle Ages.”

10) You need other people to provide clear schedules and expectations

  Girl: “We should hang out some time.”
  Guy: “What does that mean? What day do you want to hang out? How long do you want to hang out? What do you want to do? Can you be more specific? What does hanging out mean? Does that mean doing something that you want to do? Do I have to hang out with new people, which will cause me to analyze what is acceptable social behaviour, which changes from one person to the next person? Why can’t you define anything clearly?”
  Girl: [Sighs]

  * * *

Englebert Lau was diagnosed with a mild case of Asperger’s Syndrome at the age of 30. The majority of Englebert’s professional career has been working in Information Technology as a Business Analyst. Englebert created http://www.hitchhikeraspie.com. The purpose of this website is to share a light-hearted perspective on Asperger’s Syndrome. Englebert would like to increase exposure about Asperger’s Syndrome for a wide range of people, by providing examples of how it affects his everyday life. Englebert loves TV series and movies, especially the HBO Game of Thrones series.

Artwork: Debbie Denenburg – Giant Purple Planet


The Art of Autism realizes many people come to this page with the questions, Do I have Autism? or, Do I have Aspergers? We recommend diagnosis by a professional. However, there are a couple of popular online quizzes that may give you an indication if you might be on the spectrum:

  • The Aspie Quiz
  • Autism Spectrum Quotient online test

See also:

  • Top Ten Signs a Girl is Bored by Englebert Lau
  • Females and Aspergers: A Checklist by Samantha Craft

Asperger's Syndrome: Symptoms, Diagnosis and Treatment

Nationwide Children’s Hospital


Signs & Symptoms




Seeking Help

What is Asperger’s Syndrome?

Asperger’s Syndrome is a developmental disorder. Young people with Asperger’s Syndrome have a difficult time relating to others socially and their behavior and thinking patterns can be rigid and repetitive.

Generally, children and teens with Asperger’s Syndrome can speak with others and can perform fairly well in their school work.  However, they have trouble understanding social situations and subtle forms of communication like body language, humor and sarcasm.  They might also think and talk a lot about one topic or interest or only want to do a small range of activities.  These interests can become obsessive and interfere with everyday life, rather than giving the child a healthy social or recreational outlet.

Boys are three to four times more likely than girls to have Asperger’s Syndrome. Most cases are diagnosed between the ages of five and nine, with some diagnosed as early as age three.

What Is the Difference Between Asperger’s Syndrome and Autism Spectrum Disorder?

The name for Asperger’s Syndrome has officially changed, but many still use the term Asperger’s Syndrome when talking about their condition.   The symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome are now included in a condition called Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). ASD is now the name used for a wide range of autism-like disorders. Some providers may still use the term Asperger’s Syndrome, but others will say “ASD – without intellectual or language impairment.”  These two syndromes are, for the most part, the same.

What are the Symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome?

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome exhibit poor social interactions, obsessions, odd speech patterns, limited facial expressions and other peculiar mannerisms. They might engage in obsessive routines and show an unusual sensitivity to sensory stimuli.

While all children with Asperger’s Syndrome are different, what sets them apart are their unusual social skills and obsessive interests. For a child with Asperger’s Syndrome, you may see one or more of the following symptoms:

  • Inappropriate or minimal social interactions
  • Conversations that almost always revolve around themselves or a certain topic, rather than others
  • Not understanding emotions well or having less facial expression than others
  • Speech that sounds unusual, such as flat, high-pitched, quiet, loud, or robotic
  • Not using or understanding nonverbal communication, such as gestures, body language and facial expression
  • An intense obsession with one or two specific, narrow subjects
  • Becoming upset at any small changes in routines
  • Memorizing preferred information and facts easily
  • Clumsy, uncoordinated movements, including difficulty with handwriting
  • Difficulty managing emotions, sometimes leading to verbal or behavioral outbursts, self-injurious behaviors or tantrums
  • Not understanding other peoples’ feelings or perspectives
  • Hypersensitivity to lights, sounds and textures

Children with Asperger’s Syndrome often show no delays in their language development. They are likely to have good grammar skills and an advanced vocabulary, but they also tend to be very literal. They have trouble using language in a social context.

There may be no obvious delay in their cognitive development. Children with Asperger’s Syndrome can have problems with attention span and organization, but they usually have average intelligence.

What Causes Asperger’s Syndrome?

The causes of Asperger’s Syndrome are unknown. Genetics and brain abnormalities may be involved.

We do know that Asperger’s Syndrome is NOT the result of a child’s upbringing or poor parenting. Asperger’s Syndrome is a neurobiological disorder, meaning it is just a part of the child’s brain development, whose causes are not fully understood.

How is Asperger’s Syndrome Diagnosed?

As mentioned above, Asperger’s Syndrome is no longer diagnosed as a condition in and of itself. It is part of the range of conditions included in Autism Spectrum Disorder.

If a parent is concerned about a child’s social development, unusual language patterns, and odd behaviors, a pediatrician should be consulted.   The pediatrician can determine if the child should be seen by a specialist, such as a developmental pediatrician, psychologist, or other clinician who is familiar with ASD.

Testing and assessment usually involve a team of medical and psychological professionals. The specialists will ask the parent many questions about the child’s development and current skills and problems.  They will also interact with the child and conduct assessments to evaluate what symptoms the child shows when interacting with others.  They may also assess the child’s language and intellectual abilities. A medical doctor might ask questions or order tests to make sure there are no other medical concerns for the child.

Asperger’s Syndrome (also known as “Autism Spectrum Disorder - without intellectual or language impairment”) may be difficult to diagnose.  Sometimes this condition can be confused with other conditions such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).   Making sure to evaluate the child’s social and communication skills, their patterns of behavior and thinking, and how these symptoms have developed over time will help the assessor provide the correct diagnosis.

How is Asperger’s Syndrome Treated?

Because each case is different, treatment plans must be built according to each child’s needs. They should be adjusted over time as those needs change.

Treatment of Asperger’s Syndrome usually includes:

  • Social skills training
  • Behavior supports
  • Cognitive behavioral therapy
  • Parent education and training
  • Speech-language therapy
  • Occupational therapy
  • Special education classes
  • Medication

At present, there is no “cure.” By learning to cope with the symptoms and pick up on social cues, a child can learn to overcome some of the challenges he faces. With help, parents can learn how to best support their child.  People with Asperger’s Syndrome can do well in school and go on to be contributing members of their community.

When Should I Seek Help?

Treatment should be done while a child's brain is still developing. If you notice signs of Asperger’s Syndrome or any of the symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorder in your child, see your pediatrician. She or he can refer you to a mental health expert who specializes in diagnosing this type of disorder.

Related Conditions

    • Autism Spectrum Disorder

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