Emotional abuse forum
Emotional abuse | Mumsnet
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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
227 replies
NosyRosie · 09/05/2011 20:38
I am an educated, fairly intelligent woman but I only recently discovered that I have been living in an emotionally abusive marriage.
I thought it was just the way he was and that I had to be understanding and try to keep him calm and happy in order to live a half normal life.
I never dreamed of telling my friends or family what he was really like because it was important to me that they liked him.
The last straw came on 15th April (his birthday incidentally) when his behaviour was so shocking that it was the last straw. I genuinely thought I was going mad (seeds sown by him) and phoned my HV in a state. She asked me if I was being harmed and mentioned Women's Aid.
In my mind Women's Aid = domestic violence = physical abuse. I have since found out that emotional abuse can be more damaging than physical abuse.
I feel so stupid. How can I have not realised what was going on? Why have I not been aware of the dangers of emotional abuse? So much is said about DV but it always seems to refer to the physical attacks and I always told myself "at least he doesn't hit me".
Does this sound familiar to anyone? I really feel the need to sit down and talk to other people who have been through the same thing and tried to get hold of a local support group but no one got back to me.
How easy would it be to start an awareness campaign? I keep thinking about how many other women could be going through the same thing without realising the damage it's doing.
Thanks if you're still here!
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notoriginal · 09/05/2011 20:46
You are certainly not alone. Exact same thing with me. I thought I wasn't being abused because I wasn't being beaten (well apart from a few shoves) took me years to realise too and like you I found it hard to come to terms with the fact I never realised.
He eventually did turn violent on dd.
You have made the most important step.
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GypsyMoth · 09/05/2011 20:49
have you left op??
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macdoodle · 09/05/2011 20:51
Same here, I am an intelligent educated professional. Hard as nails in work.
Emotionally, financially and sexually abused by my XH for 10 years :( Just thought it was me, that wasnt good enough, didnt try hard enough, needed to help him/fix him/be enough for him.
He did eventually turn violent after keeping me captive in my own house for hours and trying to strangle me, a wonderful policeman pointed out to me what was happening, will be forever grateful.
It did however take me a few years after that to properley break free.
Damage well and truly done though, and though I am happy and free now, I cannot see myself ever having a normal relationship.
Best of luck !
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bejeezus · 09/05/2011 20:54
me too- emotional and financial abuse...very very subtle...so lucky really..but has taken me 11 years to work out what is going on
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valiumbandwitch · 09/05/2011 20:55
You're not alone.
And you're a step ahead of me because I only realised after I left. I left because I was miserable. I knew THAT much. I had been made miserable for a long, long, long time. But I didn't make the connection between the way was treating me and domestic abuse either!
I think a good awareness campaign might focus on circumstances and then have 'domestic abuse' in smaller writing underneath rather than the other way 'round. A series of of posters each with a different question. eg, Are you a stupid bitch? in big writing with the smaller writing about domestic abuse and you to ring.
Are you walking on eggshells? (details about emotional abuse)
Are you living on a shoestring while your husband drives a nice car and shops in expensive shops? (details about financial abuse)
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notoriginal · 09/05/2011 20:55
Your not on your own there either mcd, I'm 4 years alone now, look good for my age, intelligent and would like the idea of meeting someone being happy etc, but don't think I could have a relationship again.
It has more effect than people realise.
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bustersmummy · 09/05/2011 20:56
Please if you can get your hands on a copy read "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft.
Good luck.
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NosyRosie · 09/05/2011 20:56
Yes I have left.
The final straw was when he was furious that DD had woken up screaming and was finding it hard to calm down.
She'd been suffering from tonsilitis and was on antibiotics.
Once she was calm I was giving her her medicine in a yoghurt and it was really important that she had the whole lot. He always insisted on making toast for her breakfast and he put the plate in front of her while I was still feeding her the yoghurt.
I moved the plate away so she wouldn't be distracted by it and refuse what I was giving her. He went mad and hurled the food across the kitchen.
Then later he wanted to hold her while he was still angry. I refused to let him because he was being scary and he said I was messed up in the head.
notoriginal how long ago did you leave and how did you deal with it afterwards?
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valiumbandwitch · 09/05/2011 20:58
bejeezus, I think I am 'lucky' in some ways that my x worked up to hitting me.
It started out as a shove and a poke, then a rougher shove and a rougher poke and so like the frog being boiled slowly I can not remember the first time he hit me. But being hit is something that we all know is not right. It's black and white. I understood definitely with no doubt that he was wrong to hit me. The emotional stuff is harder to be certain about.
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NosyRosie · 09/05/2011 21:00
Lots of x-posts there.
Thank you for your replies. It's good to know I'm not the only one. Financial abuse is starting to sound interesting now as well. Hadn't considered that before but he definitely caused financial chaos.
valium I think that's an excellent idea.
How do we get that started? Can MNHQ help?
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notoriginal · 09/05/2011 21:01
My ex was removed by ss after he got violent with dd.
That was 4 years ago. He harassed me for the next 3 years, when I really could not cope with the continued abuse anymore, I made a complaint to police. He's currently serving time.
Since being free of him I've been slowly recovering and have weekly counselling from a dv counsellor.
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valiumbandwitch · 09/05/2011 21:02
NosyRosie, understanding the behaviour helps make it less personal. To begin with shortly after I left x, I felt relief, but I also felt so upset that he had treated me like filth for so long.
Posters on mumsnet are who helped me the most. Mathanxiety and various other incredible posters on the NPD thread helped me SEE things.
When you understand and believe that the behaviour really truly was all about THEM and nothing to do with you it brings you that freedom.
You can let it go. I'll never forget it mind you. And it has totally altered what I would be looking for in a potential new relationship, but that is in a good way I think.
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BertieBotts · 09/05/2011 21:02
Yes there are lots of us who have been through it on here, please keep posting for as long as you need to. I have found mumsnet incredibly helpful with reflection both during and afterwards.
Valium I totally agree! There's a great poster near here which shows a wine glass smashing against a wall with the caption "Another smashing night in front of the telly?" and in smaller writing "If you are suffering from physical, verbal, emotional, sexual or financial abuse call our hotline on XXXX" I think it's a lot better than other campaigns which although helpful, I think can put people off, thinking "Oh that's not relevant to me.
He isn't that bad."
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BertieBotts · 09/05/2011 21:04
Actually I was wondering if it was time for a new NPD support thread. I've been wanting to muse over some stuff my ex has been doing - doesn't affect me directly but just interested. Those threads were all fantastic and really eye opening.
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bustersmummy · 09/05/2011 21:04
It isn't your fault. It is nothing you've done. It is him. You can't change him.
He is what he is.
As my lovely DP/BF says "I know he's a knob. You know he's a knob. Everyone knows he's a knob. The only one who doesn't know he's a knob is him"
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bejeezus · 09/05/2011 21:05
whats NPD??
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bustersmummy · 09/05/2011 21:06
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
here
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notoriginal · 09/05/2011 21:06
Narcisistic personality disorder (don't think I spelled it correctly!)
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bejeezus · 09/05/2011 21:07
i think it can be hard to recognise that you are being emotionally/financialy abused because often if you describe 1 incident or something that bothers you.
..it doesnt sound all that serious and other normal people can relate to it to some degree. Its when you add all the incidents/ behaviours up together. For me anyway.
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bustersmummy · 09/05/2011 21:09
Yes bejeezus, I would agree with that.
It's a drip drip drip and these men are very good at putting on a front/making you feel like it's your fault.
I used to think I was going insane, really I thought I was a nutcase.
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valiumbandwitch · 09/05/2011 21:09
NosieRosy, I am glad you think it's a good idea!
You wait and take a few years to heal your own wounds though before you start thinking about other women.
I'm four years down the line now and there are people who will be able to help you. People helped me with their wise words and their kindness. I hope you understand what I'm saying here, just don't rush into a project to help other people before you have come to terms with what happened to you. There's a lot to process. Why you? The thoughts about wasted years.... guilt that your child's father is this flawed character. Thinking about your own judgment.... wondering why your bar was so low. Becoming clear about where you new bar is going to be!! Letting the pain of it all go, and then getting the spring back in your step! I would advise prioritising this kind of thing first. Althoguh, obviously a project can be a focus.
What can you do now that you couldn't do when you were with your x husband? eat cereal for supper? watch grey's anatomy? invite your friends round? chat to your sister on the phone for two hours? Paint? Read?
Feed your soul a bit before you try to help others.
I hope that doesn't sound really dismissive of your idea to change the campaign, because I DO agree with you. There is a huge problem that women in this situation aren't identifying themselves as being in it
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sundayrose10 · 09/05/2011 21:09
What is financial abuse/your experience of financial abuse. Would a man not paying child support be financial abuse?
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NosyRosie · 09/05/2011 21:11
I think one of the hardest things has been how surprised everyone is.
He always comes across as the 'gentle giant'. Gentle my arse.
I protected him for so long. I lied for him. I was so fucking loyal I lost friends and distanced myself from my parents. I believed that no one liked me or wanted me in their lives. Now I've been so humbled at how generous people have been since it all came out.
The emotional blackmail since I left has also been really hard. He keeps sending DD (1yo) cards telling her how much he misses her and wishes he could be with her. I don't doubt that he means it but he knows I'm the one who will read them.
I told him my deepest fears and secrets and he used them against me.
I'm so scared that I'll never know that feeling of being truly loved and cared for.
I feel fucking cheated
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notoriginal · 09/05/2011 21:12
Do agree there's not enough awareness, our pastor had been counselling us prior to the violent outburst, when ss became involved she accompanied me to the case conference as a character reference, she told ss she hadn't thought it was too serious as he wasn't beating me.
It was my dear friend who had come out of a similar relationship that first helped me to see I was being abused.
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Resources--Emotional Abuse Answers
Books/Ebooks
Toxic Parents by Susan Forward, PhD: Although Forward does discuss other types of abuse in this book, she covers emotional abuse extensively. This was my personal breakthrough book. She also gives suggestions for healing, not all of which I agree with, but many are useful.
Cutting Loose by Howard Halpern, PhD: Halpern’s emphasis is on improving the relationship with abusive parents, which unfortunately isn’t always possible.
Still, there’s useful information on different kinds of manipulative situations.
If You Had Controlling Parents by Dan Neuharth, PhD: As the title states, this focuses on controlling parents. It also addresses the issue of improving the relationship with information about understanding what they’re doing and coping with it.
Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward, PhD: This deals specifically with manipulation. Although geared heavily towards domestic relationships, there’s useful information here about any manipulative relationship. Forward discusses how to tell when an interaction is manipulative and when it isn’t and offers suggestions for dealing with it, although with some abusers, they’re not going to work.
Who’s Pulling Your Strings? by Harriet Braiker, PhD: This is another book on dealing with manipulative people, not necessarily parents, with an emphasis on how it’s done and why you’re vulnerable to it. It does contain some suggestions for dealing with it, including ceasing contact with the manipulators.
Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse by Gregory L. Jantz, PhD, with Ann McMurray: This book addresses emotional abuse in any kind of relationship. The main thing to be aware of here is that this is written in a Christian context, including quotes from the Bible, so those who aren’t Christian may be put off by this. That being said, Jantz addresses a type of emotional abuse that doesn’t often get discussed known as spiritual abuse, which is the use of religion to manipulate.
Websites
The Verbal Abuse Site: Author Patricia Evans has written several books on verbal abuse. She identifies herself as an “intercommunications specialist.” There’s an emphasis on verbal abuse in domestic relationships, and the organization of the site leaves much to be desired, but there’s still some useful information here.
Adult Survivors of Child Abuse (ASCA): This is a nonprofit organization begun in 1993. It’s home to the Survivor to Thriver ebook, which is a self-study recovery program that you can download for free.
Some areas have face-to-face support group meetings to work through the program. There’s also a forum where you can share your work through the program.
Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse (HAVOCA): This UK-based organization started in 2001. It’s website includes a discussion forum (requires registration), articles with information for survivors, and resources that include a section for survivor letters and a section for survivor art.
Abuso Emocional: Dr. Joseph Carver is a clinical psychologist who has created a website on emotional abuse in English and Spanish. It includes an online course and a guide that discusses what emotional abuse is and how to detect it.
EQI.org: Steve Hein writes about emotional abuse as part of a site on emotional intelligence. Organization on this site isn’t the greatest and his concern is particularly for teens, but he’s been writing about emotional abuse since at least 2009 and there’s some useful information here.
Letters I’ll Never Send: Abuse: This is a website that allows people to anonymously post letters, including to abusers.
Be warned, though, that many deal with some pretty serious stuff and may be triggering.
Light’s House: Light is associated with the website Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. She’s written here about toxic parents with an emphasis on parents with personality disorders like narcissism.
Blogs
Note: There are many amazing abuse survivors blogging, so I’ve limited the list here to those I’ve found who devote a significant amount of their blogging space to emotional abuse.
Rainbow Gryphon: This is my own blog where I write about my healing journey, particularly how dreams have helped me and are helping me heal from emotional abuse. Not everything I write is about emotional abuse, but if you want to know more about me then this is the place to go.
Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: Tracie Nall is a sexual abuse survivor and has been in charge of the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse for a while now. During some months, Tracie collects submissions of blog posts from survivors of all kinds of abuse.
Blooming Lotus: From October 2007 to October 2012, Faith Allen maintained one of the most detailed, honest blogs about abuse. Although she no longer updates it, the information there is well worth checking out. Be aware that Faith is a survivor of ritual abuse, which means she suffered severe sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse. Some of her posts are triggering, so proceed with caution.
Child Abuse Survivor: Mike is a survivor of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. He’s been writing about abuse since at least January 2002. He has particular insights into the experience of abuse from a male point of view.
Emerging from Broken: Darlene Ouimet is a sexual abuse and emotional abuse survivor who’s been blogging since at least December 2009.
Kate1975′s Blog: Kate, survivor of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse with dissociative identity disorder (DID), has been blogging about her experiences since at least March 2009. She shares some of her healing-related creative writing here as well.
Lori’s Song: A blog maintained by a nonprofit organization run by a number of women who survived physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. It’s been up since 2012. They also have discussion forums.
Discussion Forums
Note: Some of these discussion forums require that you register in order to gain access to all of the subforums they offer.
Facebook: Emotional Abuse: This is a closed Facebook group, meaning you can only post and view posts if you’re a member. This is a busy group with some strict conduct rules that are enforced. Do be aware that many posts are about emotional abuse in domestic relationships, and a lot of anger is vented in this group. Go in with a compassionate heart and an open mind.
Fort Refuge: This message board is run by abuse survivors and has a busy chat room as well as various subforums, including Emotional & Verbal Abuse, Male Survivors, and Handling Tough Emotions. You’ll need to register in order to access all of the forums.
HAVOCA: The nonprofit organization Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse have two helpful subforums. The first is their Main Child Abuse Forums, which include sub-subforums for emotional abuse and psychological abuse. The second is their Survivors Sanctuary with sub-subforums that allow you to talk about the past and share your healing journey. Although you can view the list of sub-subforums along with the number of topics, the number of posts, and information on the last post to the forum, you can’t view the discussions without registering.
isurvive: This is a nonprofit organization that’s been around since 2001. Its forum for physical/emotional/verbal abuse survivors is public, but you’ll have to register to access forums for sexual abuse, ritual abuse, and male survivors.
Psych Central: This website has forums that address all kinds of psychological issues. Their Survivors of Abuse forum is the place to go to discuss childhood abuse of all kinds.
+supportgroups: This is a social network of support groups. You sign up for an account and can join one of hundreds of groups. You post and comment, have followers, “heart” posts you like, and have a support “feed,” much like on Facebook. There’s a group for emotional abuse, abuse, and sexual abuse.
Daily Strength: This is a website with online support groups in many topics. Its Physical and Emotional Abuse Support Group has discussions from survivors of both child abuse and domestic abuse.
Out of the Fog: Out of the Fog is a website that specializes in providing support for those who deal with people with personality disorders. People with personality disorders are almost all, without exception, emotional abusers. Even if you don’t think your abuser suffers from a personality disorder, what they discuss will ring bells for you. Their forum Unchosen Relationships, which is public, is where people go to discuss family members. Please don’t join the forum, though, unless you believe your abusive parent has a personality disorder because that’s what this site is for.
Audiovisual
Changing Post: The Emotional Abuse Blog: Will Perry from the UK has made some videos on emotional abuse. It hasn’t been updated since May 2013, and there’s a heavy emphasis on domestic abuse, but there’s still some useful information here.
There are no bruises, but the soul is crippled: answers to important questions about psychological abuse
Does emotional abuse necessarily lead to physical abuse? Why do victims of psychological abuse not always understand what they are facing? Why do those who find themselves in a particularly difficult situation refuse help? Is it possible to “cure” relationships that involve non-physical abuse? Understanding with a psychologist
Not so long ago, Netflix released the series Maid (aka The Cleaner: The Story of a Single Mother in Russian translation), dedicated to the problem of emotional and psychological violence in the family.
According to the plot of the series, Alex (Margaret Qualley) leaves her husband, who cannot control his outbursts of anger. Alex is especially frightened by his behavior while intoxicated. The heroine finds the strength to break off these relations, but does not immediately seek help - it is difficult for her to admit and accept that she faced violence, because the aggressor did not beat her. Co-founder and supervisor of the “NeTerpi” psychological assistance center, former psychologist of the “Nasiliyu.net” center (recognized as a foreign agent in Russia) Tatyana Orlova tells why it is difficult for a person who has found himself in a situation of emotional abuse to realize what is happening, whether the only reason for aggression is alcohol and where to turn to the victims.
Related material
A person may not always realize that he is in a situation of psychological violence
Why is this happening? There may be several reasons for this.
A person who has experienced violence may have lived in similar relationships as a child - for example, he was severely punished or ignored. He takes it as the norm. Or violence arises very gradually, is added in small portions. Then our consciousness manages to adapt to it, create protective mechanisms (for example, pity for the offender) - and also ceases to notice it. There is a third reason: immediately a very cruel attitude that causes serious injury. And the trauma is experienced by our consciousness due to repression: we seem to forget the episodes that traumatize us and therefore we cannot draw proper conclusions from them.
Psychological abuse is difficult to notice at an early stage
Therefore, if the relationship develops too quickly, if the partner constantly requires you to make some kind of sacrifice, if he is very jealous, scolds and blames former partners and friends, or talks about cases of cruelty and revenge against them, it is worth behaving carefully and giving yourself time.
If you do not approach too quickly, it will gradually become clear who is in front of you and whether you can build a dialogue with such a person, find something in common and build respectful contact.
Emotional abuse is no less, and often more damaging to the individual than physical
Psychological abuse does not always lead to physical abuse, but it is no less destructive to the individual
Relationships in which psychological abuse is present are much more common than relationships in which there is physical violence, and the first does not always lead to the second. But emotional abuse is no less, and often more damaging to the individual, than physical abuse. It implies humiliation, devaluation, comparisons, blackmail and threats, pressure and control. When you live in such a relationship, you are forced to agree with what the one who uses emotional abuse inspires you, and gradually you begin to think that, indeed, “it’s all my fault”, “I really have problems with self-esteem, motivation , time management”, “I don’t dance well and I’m not smart enough”.
Despite the fact that there are no bruises on the body, the human soul is wounded and crippled.
Survivors of psychological abuse tend to underestimate the seriousness of what is happening
This is not a property of victims as some special type of personality, but a property of any human psyche: our consciousness does not want to be in a state of helplessness. This is the most unpleasant state for consciousness, as there is a loss of control when it is impossible to manage your life. Therefore, consciousness hides such traumatic experiences from us whenever possible. Therefore, to a person experiencing psychological abuse, it seems that nothing special has happened.
A person experiencing violence often cannot understand that it is time to seek help
It is usually those who are in a particularly difficult situation who tend to deny the need for help.
It always seems to such a person that there is someone who needs more, and the situation is not too critical, maybe this time everything will work out. To really assess the danger, you need to understand whether there is a threat to life and health. If at least once there was physical violence, if scandals and threats are repeated and growing, if the offender uses drugs or alcohol, then the danger is very great. You should not wait for the next episode, you need to leave as soon as possible. Because you are around, the situation will not improve and the abuser will not improve, and you and your children will receive psychological trauma.
Alcohol cannot be the only cause of aggression towards a partner Alcohol and drugs, of course, aggravate abuse - control over emotions is destroyed, and a person can no longer control his reactions. But even after quitting drinking, a person may not stop being an aggressor. It is certainly worth treating alcoholism, but this does not mean that it is worth continuing the relationship with the one who is being treated and forgetting about yourself for this.
It is advisable to leave your needs in the first place.
If only the injured party wants changes and strives to “heal the relationship with his love”, then the matter is doomed to failure
Psychological abuse can be stopped, but both partners should want it only the victim, but also the one who uses violence. Or if there are two aggressors in a pair, which is also very common. Then they should work in parallel with a psychologist dealing with the trauma of violence, and an EFT therapist (EFT - emotionally focused therapy. - Forbes Woman ), which will help restore trust in a couple and improve communication between partners.
But if only the injured party wants changes and seeks to “heal the relationship with his love”, then the matter is doomed to failure. Because the more love is invested and the more forgiveness and humility the injured partner demonstrates, the more the abuser can afford and the more he will think that his behavior has no negative consequences.
It will not be possible to change the offender
All efforts to achieve this are in vain. You also need to realize that while you live in such a relationship, you not only receive damage yourself, but also do not allow the aggressor to change, because you serve as a resource that allows him to behave this way. It is not necessary to diagnose yourself and another like “I am a victim” or “he is an abuser”: this does not always change the situation. What is needed is a workable escape plan, support from outside, and recognition of the impossibility of changing anything in this relationship.
The one who produces violence often feels like a victim
He sees a threat in a partner, for example, he is afraid that he will leave him or will humiliate him, and therefore he attacks first. At the same time, he thinks he is defending himself. This is a perceptual error.
Probably, in the past - mostly in childhood - a person had enough episodes when he was really a victim, and now he projects this experience onto reality.
Related material
Psychological abuse can occur not only in partnerships, but also in working relationships
Practically everyone, in some cases, uses elements of psychological violence and experiences it himself. We know how to defend ourselves against it, and it does not become something categorically harmful and bad for us, if it does not turn out to be a constant factor in relationships.
For example, a boss may ask for overtime work, implying that non-hard-working employees do not work for this company. Here, a person may have a choice: to comply with the requirement or to defend the right to rest and subsequently, possibly, face a deterioration in attitude. If at least theoretically a person has the opportunity to change jobs, for him this choice is not so critical, he can say “no” in this situation.
But if it is difficult with work or in a previous experience (for example, in childhood) a person did not have the opportunity to refuse, since this was followed by punishment, the person loses this choice. He is forced to agree, and if such manipulations continue, he may become a victim of violence.
This state can be noticed by the feeling of hopelessness, anxiety and fear arising in contact with a person or people who violate the boundaries; by feelings of shame and guilt; internal monologues in their defense. Such relationships destroy self-esteem and eventually lead to burnout.
Recognizing a victim of psychological abuse can be difficult, but if you know about such a person, tell him about the organizations that help. Often they devalue the danger and harm that such a relationship causes them. Therefore, even if we see that a person does not resist when he is treated badly, we should not think that he likes it or is fine with it.
Professional help is needed to deal with this. Therefore, it is important not to blame the victim and not to insist on immediate changes. But it’s definitely worth telling the person that there are free services where you can talk about your situation and better understand it. For example, the oldest center "Anna" (recognized as a "foreign agent") has an excellent help map on the site.
Victims of psychological and financial violence are entitled to help from organizations dealing with the problem of domestic violence, but obtaining asylum in Russia is not always easy
Recently, many public organizations have appeared in Russia that provide assistance to victims of psychological and other types of non-physical violence. For example, for a year now there has been a “NeTerpi” center, where you can get psychological and legal assistance in a situation of violence. Such centers generally do not have the financial means to create shelters, but not all victims need them: rather, they need to make a decision to leave, and for this they need support and psychological help most of all.
Things are complicated with state centers. To be able to live there, you need a residence permit (although the most vulnerable are those who do not have it) and sometimes a whole folder of certificates, which still does not guarantee the victim a shelter.
10 SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
http://www.psy-files.ru/bibl/articles/1115-10-priznakov-emotionalnogo-nasiliya-v-otnosheniyah.html
men as well as women. It is very important to understand in time that your companion is behaving incorrectly towards you, this will help you prevent further violence against your personality. And also remember that any emotional abuse, sooner or later, can turn into physical.
1. Insulation. Your partner wants to isolate you from family and friends. Your companion wants you to spend all your time only with him, he does not understand that you could have your own life, outside of your relationship. Dating other people is completely normal, so if your partner forbids you to communicate with friends and relatives, then this is a manifestation of emotional abuse.
2. Verbal humiliation. Partner calls you derogatory words. Even if this happens supposedly as a joke, the person is still trying to belittle your dignity in this way. Sometimes your abuser, in order to relieve himself of the blame for the insults, begins to accuse you of being too sensitive and advises you to relax. The partner almost always knows how to find a way to make you think that he is doing the right thing and the problem is with you. But this is not at all the case, everything is fine with you, and you are not too sensitive, you just feel that you are being treated the way you should not.
3. Blaming others for your problems. The partner shifts all the blame for the failures that happened to him to other people, and, as the rules, to you. He almost never pleads guilty to something.
4. Use of alcohol and drugs. Not all people who are emotionally abusive in relationships are those who abuse alcohol and use drugs, but many are.
The use of various alcohol-containing substances and drugs opens the door to violence and leads to unhealthy relationships.
5. Inducing fear. If your partner or spouse causes fear in you, then your relationship is definitely not in order. An "emotional rapist" can demonstrate his power and strength to you. For example, he can show you his collection of bladed weapons and say that he is not afraid to use them.
6. Punishment for spending time apart. (This feature is in addition to the first.) If you were somewhere or did something without your partner, or even if you were together, but other people were there and you spent some time on them, "emotional abuser" blame you for it. He (she) will use shouting, insults and threats against you for the fact that you did not spend your time exclusively with him (her).
7. Waiting for you to serve. The partner acts like a master or king and wants you to become his willing servant. He (she) expects that everything will be on you, and he (she) will not help you with anything.
8. Strong jealousy. An essential sign of an emotionally abnormal relationship with your partner is excessive jealousy, not only of real people, but even of dreams and goals. Such jealousy invisibly permeates all aspects of life and is difficult to control.
9. Emotional manipulation. Many "emotional abusers" are master manipulators. If you do not agree with their ideas, they will use resentment or threat to leave you. Often they make you feel guilty when you want to do things your way. Sometimes the offender may apologize for something or demonstrate his intense love, but this behavior is very short-lived, and soon it returns to normal again.
10. Transition to physical violence. If your partner shows emotional abuse towards you, one day they may turn into physical. It all starts with the fact that a person can strongly pull your hair, push, grab, so that you will have bruises, then everything will only get worse. With a high degree of probability, if your partner has an explosive nature and reacts to everything with a manifestation of violence (he can break dishes in anger, kick a wall, get into a squabble with strangers), one day he will raise his hand to you.
