Definition of social awkwardness

Signs, Causes, and How to Overcome It

We include products we think are useful for our readers. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission Here’s our process.

Psych Central only shows you brands and products that we stand behind.

Our team thoroughly researches and evaluates the recommendations we make on our site. To establish that the product manufacturers addressed safety and efficacy standards, we:

Evaluate ingredients and composition: Do they have the potential to cause harm?
Fact-check all health claims: Do they align with the current body of scientific evidence?
Assess the brand: Does it operate with integrity and adhere to industry best practices?

We do the research so you can find trusted products for your health and wellness.

Awkwardness, anxiety, and introversion

It’s important to note that the terms social awkwardness, introversion, and social anxiety disorder are often confused with each other. While they share some traits, they are not the same thing.

If you feel drained by interacting with others and need to spend time alone to recharge your energy, this may point to an introverted personality trait.

On the other hand, if you feel intense anxiety over being judged, avoid social situations through fear, or experience panic attacks related to socializing, this could signal social anxiety disorder, according to Dr. Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S of LifeStance Health.

Is social awkwardness a good thing?

While it feels uncomfortable at the time, there are upsides to being socially awkward.

For example, “people who are socially awkward may be more observant and analytical, which can be beneficial in certain professions,” explains Dr. Alejandro Alva, a medical doctor and board certified psychiatrist based in California.

“They may also be more honest and sincere, which can be refreshing in a world of small talk and superficial interactions.”

How do I know if I’m socially awkward?

Consider reflecting after the next few social interactions to gauge how you feel afterward. This may help you decide how to best move forward.

Know that whether it’s social awkwardness, introversion, or social anxiety disorder, none of these are wrong — and you are not alone.

PsychCentral spoke to Leanza and Alva about how to overcome social awkwardness so you can start to feel more at ease in social situations.

Alva suggests the following tips for overcoming social awkwardness:

Practice small talk. Consider striking up a conversation with a stranger, such as commenting on the weather.
Make an effort to make eye contact. This may help you appear more confident and approachable.
Focus on the other person. Ask questions and really listen to the answers. This will help you connect with them and help the conversation flow more easily.
Try to relax and be yourself. Remember that everyone has their quirks, and you’ll be more likely to find a connection with someone by being yourself.

Leanza says it may help to practice understanding social cues. One way to do this is to focus on body language.

“It can be very difficult for socially awkward people to read other people’s body language or behavior,” says Leanza. “Since social cues and norms can be very hard for them to decipher, this can develop a lot of anxiety within a person and may make them want to avoid social situations.”

You can increase your social confidence by learning how to better understand social cues and the body language of others. “Practicing with loved ones to learn these skills can be very helpful, especially when needing to be in an upcoming social situation,” suggests Leanza.

If you find that your social awkwardness is making a negative impact life, you can also consider speaking to a mental health professional. Psych Central’s How to Find Mental Health Support resource may help.

Different communication styles

When you’re looking to improve communication, it’s important to note that each person’s style and manner of communication are different. This article mainly focuses on neurotypical styles of communication.

Neurodivergent folks, including autistic people, may communicate in different ways. For instance, avoiding eye contact and fidgeting may help them concentrate better or feel more comfortable in conversation and doesn’t always mean disinterest.

Using different communication styles doesn’t necessarily mean that the communication is less effective, though it often requires communicating with greater thoughtfulness and intention.

You can read Healthline’s “Neurotypical’s Guide to Speaking to Someone with Autism” here.

If you’re socially awkward, you can still have a thriving social life. You might start by getting to know yourself better and understanding how you feel in social settings, then trying some of the tips from our mental health experts to see if they help.

If you’ve felt socially awkward for a long time, it helps to be patient with yourself and give yourself the grace to overcome your nerves over time.

There are plenty of podcasts and even meditations to help you with the “social” part of social awkwardness.

8 Signs You’re Socially Inept & How to Overcome Awkwardness

We’ve all had those moments when we felt so socially awkward that we’d rather disappear than force out a conversation.

Maybe you accidentally told a bad joke, blurted out something inappropriate, or forgot someone’s name, and then… crickets—awkward silence.

If the idea of small talk, networking events or talking to strangers skyrockets your heart rate, you’re not alone.

Over 60% of people have experienced social anxiety or shyness. Even leading celebrities like Adele, Mel Robbins, and Jennifer Lawrence have felt socially anxious in certain situations.

Here are 8 signs you may be socially inept and 15 straightforward ways to overcome awkwardness.

Socially inept people don’t know how to comfortably socialize, engage in conversation, and calmly interact with others. They often misread social cues or feel physically anxious. They may have an intense fear of talking to new people and being humiliated in social settings.

Socially inept people feel like this in social situations:

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Like shyness, social awkwardness can manifest in different ways in different people.

The main signs of social awkwardness are:

You feel super nervous in social interactions
You misread people or don’t pick up on social cues
You avoid socializing whenever possible
Conversations don’t flow
People don’t get your jokes or find them offensive
There are lots of awkward silences when you talk to people
You feel like people avoid talking to you
You overthink or regret certain things you say in conversations

Some people are completely fine in large groups but feel extremely awkward one-on-one. Others may feel socially crippled and afraid to go out in public.

Wherever you find yourself on the continuum, know that you are fully capable of learning social skills just like you learned to ride a bike: with practice!

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Someone who is socially inept may be shy, have social anxiety, or simply not have much experience socializing.

The opposite of socially inept is socially adept, a social pro who knows how to greet people, start conversations, and make others feel comfortable in their presence.

Surprisingly, many socially adept people (including Science of People founder Vanessa Van Edwards) are #recoveringawkwardpeople. She did not have natural social skills and had to learn to be more socially adept.

There are few things worse than the humiliating, stomach-churning feeling of embarrassing yourself in front of people. Being socially outcasted or rejected can feel more painful than physical pain. Moreover, loneliness is at nearly epidemic levels in America.

The combination of social awkwardness and loneliness makes for an even more awkward paradox: you desperately want to make friends and feel part of a community, but you feel so weird that you don’t know how to connect with people.

Fortunately, socializing is a skill that anyone can learn. Here are 15 ways to stop being socially inept and feel more confident in conversation

Be a good listener

It’s hard to think of perfectly witty answers or be conversationally charming. What is a better way to start? With listening?

Listening is a social superpower. Stop trying to think of a clever “socially acceptable” response while other people are talking–this will contribute to feeling socially inept.

Instead, remedy this by practicing better listening skills. Listen to understand rather than to respond.

When someone is sharing something with you:

Be a Loud Listener. Humans love hearing ‘listening sounds.’ This is when we say “oh,” “ah,” or “Wow” as someone speaks. Show them that you are engaged and present by making eye contact, nodding your head, or subtly humming “mhmm” as they talk.
Give Positive Reinforcement. When someone finishes a story, show enthusiasm with phrases like “wow, that’s cool” or “oh, how interesting.”
Ask Great Questions. Ask a relevant and sincere question about what they told you. What makes you curious? Or ask a question about what got them the most excited. Something like, “How did you get started doing that?” or “Where did you find all those resources?” or “What’s the next step?”

Action Step: Notice how you feel when someone’s not engaged in what you have to say. Maybe they’re texting while you try to tell them a story. Does it make you feel unimportant or like they don’t care what you say?

Remember this emotion to ensure nobody feels that way when talking to you. Learn the essential traits of an active listener versus an unengaged listener and put them into practice.

Active Listener	Unengaged Listener
Focused eye contact	Darting eyes
Eliminating or ignoring distractions	Checking phone, TV, or surrounding area during a conversation
Nodding or responding “uhhuh” as they talk	Complete silence or lack of responsiveness
Remembering details about their story or life	Forgetting something important someone told you
Asking relevant questions	Bringing up unrelated topics that show you weren’t listening
Engaged, open body language (torso facing the other person, slightly leaning forward,	Closed body language (arms crossed, body turned away from them

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Building new social skills requires changing how you perceive yourself in social situations.

When you feel socially inept, you may apologize for your behavior out of embarrassment or shame.

Socially awkward people often create a subconscious identity around their lack of social skills. For example, they may say, “sorry I’m so awkward,” “I’ve always been shy,” or “I have social anxiety.”

If you want to establish social skills as daily habits, you first have to change your beliefs around socializing. Habit expert and author James Clear asserts:

“To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself.”
— James Clear

Even if you follow all the steps in this guide, you may still feel socially awkward. As rudimentary as it may seem, you must stop believing you’re socially inept.

The most straightforward place to start? Listen to the way you’re describing yourself.

Eliminate these phrases from your vocabulary:

“I have social anxiety. ”
“I am socially awkward.”
“I’m sorry, I’m a dork.”
“I’m shy.”
“I don’t know how to talk to people.”
“I feel awkward in social settings.”

And if you do find yourself saying these things, add a growth mindset. Add…

“But I am working on it!”

“I am growing my confidence.”

…or as Vanessa Van Edwards always says, “I am a recovering awkward person.”

Avoid conversational traps

We’ve all had those mundane conversations that go like this:

“Hey, how are you?”

“Good, you?”

“Good”

… Then what? That is a conversational trap! Traps happen when we ask questions that produce boring, predictable, one-word answers.

People with awkward tendencies often don’t know how to start conversations or get past the initial point of small talk. If you want to feel more prepared before a networking event, date, or party, rehearse a few conversation starters.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Take 2000+ Conversation Starters to Go – FREE!

Never be left in awkward silence again. Take our best conversation starters with you so you’re prepared for any situation.

Save your favorites for quick access, browse by category, and quickly share any starter to other apps.

And the best part? It’s FREE!

Get Conversation HQ

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Sometimes shyness and social awkwardness go hand-in-hand. Unfortunately, they’re not a great combo: You feel too shy to socialize, but you feel socially awkward because you don’t talk to people very often.

Somehow you have to break this cycle to practice your social skills. But here is a big mistake we make…do not practice new social skills in high-pressure situations!

Don’t practice with your boss.

Don’t practice with a VIP.

Don’t practice with a crush.

Hone your skills in low-pressure situations first! One of the easiest ways to overcome shyness is by practicing your conversation skills with wonderful service workers such as:

Baristas
Bartenders
Cashiers and clerks
Uber, Lyft, or valet drivers
Waiters and waitresses

This is wonderful because you want to make their day better by offering something kind to say, and they are often relatively easy to talk to. After all, they are likely socially adept, and you can learn from them!

Say “hey, how are you?” and ask them a question like:

“Did you grow up here in [your town]?”
“What’s your favorite thing on the menu?”
“What are your hobbies outside of work?”
“I love your [complement their clothing or accessory]. Where did you get it?”
“What’s the highlight of your day so far?”

Practice being less socially awkward by honing your conversation skills in these low-pressure settings. Just be sure the employee is not too busy with other customers.

Pro-Tip: Sometimes, you can tell people you feel socially awkward and are working on practicing conversation. Vulnerability and asking for help are empowering. You got this!

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations

Research shows that self-affirmations help you feel more competent when dealing with perceived threats (like socializing).

In other words, the things you repeat in your head have the power to shape your identity and your confidence around dealing with situations that scare you.

Action Step: Replace negative thoughts about socializing with positive beliefs about your social abilities. Whether you say it out loud or internally, affirm your new identity as a socially savvy person.

Instead of thinking this…	Tell yourself this…
“I hate meeting new people.”	“It’s easy to meet new people.”
“I’m so awkward.”	“I am friendly and relaxed.”
“I’m horrible at talking to people.”	“I am a great conversationalist.”
“That was such a stupid thing to say.”	“Everyone says silly things sometimes. They probably won’t remember anyway.”
“They’re judging my lack of social skills.”	“Most people are too focused on themselves to notice me. ”
“People think I’m weird and insecure.”	“I’m unique and confident in myself.”
“I feel anxious about socializing.”	“I’m excited to meet new people, even if it makes me nervous.”

For more scientifically-proven affirmations, check out this post with 120 Positive Daily Affirmations for Happiness.

Pro Tip: Being shy isn’t a dealbreaker for your social life. Sometimes awkward shyness is just a result of repeated social habits. If you are introverted or feel super shy in social situations, try these 6 science-backed strategies for overcoming shyness.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Be empathetic

Empathy is understanding and identifying with other people’s emotions and thoughts. Socially savvy people tend to be highly empathetic and easily relate to others.

But when you’re socially inept, you may not pick up on people’s emotions. Perhaps you laugh at an inappropriate time, or you don’t show any concern for a struggle they share with you.

Some of the most important Habits of Highly Empathetic People include:

Curiosity about other people
Seeking similarities and pointing them out
Open body language (slightly leaning forward, uncrossed arms, and eye contact)
Paying attention to what people are saying and sharing relevant commentary
Making kind and encouraging comments
Avoiding judgmental phrases like, “That sounds…” or “I can’t believe you….”
Using “we” (instead of “me”) whenever possible to feel more connection

Action Step: Watch Stanford psychologist Jamil Zaki’s TEDx Talk about the science behind empathy and how you can cultivate this skill in your life.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Find balance with eye contact

Oh, eye contact is a delicate balance!

Too much, and it’s overbearing and creepy.

Not enough, and it’s avoidant and dismissive.

So what to do? When you’re talking to someone, 3-5 seconds of eye contact at a time is usually socially acceptable. It’s normal to look away for a moment and then return your gaze. And don’t forget to blink!

But just like everything in life, balance is critical. Avoiding eye contact or looking down during a conversation can also be perceived as shy or socially unskilled, depending on the culture.

You don’t want people to think that you’re uninterested in what they have to say. Try to look at people about 50% of the time while speaking and 70% while you’re listening.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Don’t violate the personal space bubble

Like the “close talker” in Seinfeld, getting too close to people can make them feel uncomfortable.

Watch this funny clip from Seinfeld to see how people react to a “close talker” that violates personal space:

In America, it’s pretty common to keep at least 12-18″ of personal space between people unless you know them intimately. In other countries, pay attention to where other people stand in a conversation and mirror them.

Rule of Thumb: If you take a step in and they step back–you are too close!

Rule of Thumb: If they keep taking steps toward you, you are too far!

Take note of the social norms amongst people you’re hanging out with.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Don’t forget your filter

Do you know when someone randomly blurts out something inappropriate or cringey?

“Last night, I had the worst diarrhea after dinner.”

“I heard Sydney is sleeping with the boss.”

“If you didn’t vote for [political candidate], you are a fool.”

… Uhh yeah, awkward.

People with no filter can create incredibly awkward moments. In extreme situations, lacking a filter can also drive away friends.

People with no filter often:

Blurt out random or irrelevant thoughts
Talk very loudly or openly about private matters
Bring up taboo topics like politics, racism, religion, or sexuality
Rudely express their opinions
Make offensive jokes
Cuss and use profane sayings at inappropriate times

You wouldn’t drink unfiltered water straight from the river, so don’t go into a conversation without a filter. Socially adept people consciously think before they speak and avoid specific topics.

Avoid these topics to appear more socially adept:

Private matters like relationships, personal finance, mental health, or family issues
Taboo and controversial issues like religion, politics, gossip, body parts, or sex
Strong or overbearing opinions
Negative comments about other people
Excessively deep emotional sharing (especially in the early stages of a friendship or relationship)
Random topics irrelevant to the conversation (this shows you weren’t listening)

Work on building a mental filter that stops you from blurting out anything inappropriate or potentially awkward. But remember not to beat yourself up if you let something slip. Everybody says random or unnecessary comments at some point.

Action Step: Don’t just say whatever is on your mind at a given moment. Before speaking, take a deep breath and wait 2-3 seconds to think about what you say. This will help you socialize with more poise and respectfulness.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Be imperfect and laugh at your blunders

When trying to overcome awkwardness, you may feel pressure to be perfect in your social interactions. But something is endearing about seeing the imperfect sides of people.

Research shows that embracing your imperfections makes you more likable. This is called The Pratfall Effect, and it explains how small clumsy mistakes can humanize you and make you appear more relatable.

Laughing at yourself shows you don’t take yourself so seriously. It can also take the edge off of an awkward conversation.

Action Step: If you fumble over your words or laugh at a joke you don’t understand, don’t be afraid to shrug it off and chuckle at yourself. You can say, “oh, I don’t know where I was going with that,” or “haha, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I laughed about being friendly.”

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Show interest in other people

Showing interest in other people is the easiest “coverup” for lack of social skills. After all, people like to talk about themselves and like it when others are interested in them.

As you work to build up your socializing toolbox, take the pressure off of yourself to say clever comments or act interesting. Instead, keep the spotlight on other people by expressing interest in what they have to say.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”
— Dale Carnegie

Pro Tip: Laugh at people’s jokes, ask questions about their life, and act fascinated by their stories. Most people want to feel cool, funny, interesting and valued by others.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Learn to read body language

Have you ever had an awkward conversation with someone that seemed to be looking for their first chance to escape?

They probably didn’t say they felt awkward, but their body language may have spoken volumes. As you notice how other people’s body language makes you think, you can avoid or mirror certain positions to portray yourself as relaxed in social scenarios.

Signs that someone is trying to escape an awkward conversation may include:

Feet angled toward the door
The torso is facing away from you
Avoiding or darting eye contact
Tense, hunched, or closed-off posture
Shifting or fidgeting uncomfortably
Arms crossed
A forced or fake smile

On the other hand, when people feel comfortable, they appear at ease. Signs that someone is pleasantly engaged in conversation include:

Feet and torso facing you
Palms visible
Engaged eye contact
A genuine or relaxed smile
Relaxed, intense posture

To avoid social awkwardness, it is vital to learn to read people’s body language so you can pick up on nonverbal cues.

Action Step: As you approach a conversation, practice friendly, open body language. Keep your shoulders back and down to look more confident. Show your hands and avoid putting them in your pockets, so you appear more open and trustworthy. Face your torso toward the person you’re talking to and take a few deep breaths to look more relaxed.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Avoid awkward silence with story-generating questions

When there’s a long pause in the conversation, things can get awkward. In the English language, a pause for longer than 4 seconds can make people feel uncomfortable.

If you find yourself in moments of awkward silence, just jump in with an open-ended question. When possible, avoid yes/no questions that may lead to more uncomfortable quiet.

For example, instead of asking, “Do you like working in marketing?” say, “What’s your favorite thing about marketing?” or “What projects are you currently working on?”

Story-generating questions tend to keep conversations open and flowing more smoothly. Here are some other good ones to keep in your back pocket:

What do you love about what you do? (not ‘what do you do?’)
How did you get into your line of work (not ‘what do you do?’)
What’s your passion project (not ‘what are you up to?’)

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Never say this phrase

Sometimes you can save yourself from social embarrassment by replacing a simple phrase.

For example, have you ever walked up to someone and said, “So nice to meet you!” And they reply, “Uh, we’ve met a few times before.” And you’re, like, “OMG, how awkward! My bad!”

Don’t worry. It happens all the time. Sometimes faces blur together, and you forget who you’ve met before.

An easy social save?

Never say, “nice to meet you.”

Instead, always use the phrase “nice to see you.” It is warm and relevant whether you’re meeting someone for the first time or you (might have) met them before.

Here are a few other awkward social saves that might help:

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Remember people’s names

How many people do you meet that say, “oh, I’m so bad at remembering names”? Practically everyone, right?

Stand out from the crowd and start remembering people’s names so you can avoid awkward social situations like this:

“Hey, Ben! How’s it going?”

“Oh hey…. You!” *panic because you forgot their name*

“… Great, how’s life?”

One of the biggest social failures is forgetting someone’s name when they remember yours.

Dale Carnegie said, “a person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.”

Scientists have found that more brain activation occurs from hearing your name versus hearing someone else’s. Social pros remember people’s names because it lights up their interactions.

Action Step: Brain and memory coach Jim Kwik developed a simple 7-step method that he’s used to remembering thousands of people’s names. The acronym BE SUAVE encompasses the method and the result. It is socially suave to recall names.

Believe that you can do it. Stop telling yourself the story of forgetting names and acknowledge that your brain can remember them.
Exercise the skill. Put in the effort to practice remembering names regularly, and eventually, it will become a habit.
Say it. When someone introduces themselves, repeat their name back in the conversation. When you say their name, you hear it twice (once from them and once from your voice). This also gives them a chance to correct you.
Use it. Aim to use someone’s name 3 or 4 times throughout the conversation, but don’t overdo it. Try to incorporate their name without forcing it naturally.
Ask the person about their name: How do you spell it? Who were you named after? Where does your name come from?
Visualize their face with a physical reminder of their name. For example, imagine Jim at a gym, Beau with a wrapped gift, or Logan with a wolverine.
End it. When you leave a conversation, say goodbye to them by name. Chances are, you will be the most memorable person they talked to.

Make a promise to yourself to practice this method for the next month and see how your social interactions change. Learn more about Jim Kwik’s memory tips for names in this video:

↑ Table of Contents ↑

There is no shortage of socially awkward characters in movies. If you want to study what not to do in social situations, notice how these socially inept characters act and how others react.

For example, in this Meet the Fockers scene, Ben Stiller’s character over-shares embarrassingly intimate information during a speech to his whole family. His character is a perfect example of social ineptitude and the importance of having a filter! Cringe!

In this scene from Superbad, Michael Cera’s character shows how awkward it can be to stare at someone for an uncomfortable amount of time.

There are plenty of cringe-worthy moments in movies that can make you feel awkward just watching them. You may even feel physically uncomfortable watching them.

But don’t forget to laugh it off! A little comedic relief can be a great reminder not to take yourself too seriously… at least you’re not [super socially awkward character].

↑ Table of Contents ↑

How do I know if I am socially inept?

The key signs of being socially inept or socially awkward include feeling super nervous in social situations, experiencing a lot of awkward silence in the conversation, or noticing people avoid conversation with you. You may not pick up on social cues, say offensive things, or accidentally blurt out inappropriate comments.

What do you call someone who is socially inept?

Someone who is socially inept may be called an outcast, strange, socially awkward, weird, shy, nerdy, reserved, or odd. Often socially awkward people can feel incredibly lonely due to being ostracized in social situations or getting bullied. Thankfully, basic social skills overcome social ineptitude.

Is it OK to be socially inept?

Being socially inept is not necessarily bad, but it may lead to disappointing or embarrassing social interactions. You may feel ostracized from peer groups or unable to connect to others. It can also lead to constantly overthinking what you did wrong in social situations.

Are introverts socially inept?

Introverted people are not necessarily socially inept. Many introverts are socially savvy individuals that need time to recharge between social events.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

Being socially inept isn’t very fun. But if you’re really serious about enhancing your self-improvement skills, check out this free goodie today:

Communicate With Confidence

Do you struggle with small talk? Do you often run out of things to say or feel awkward and self-conscious in social situations? Our Conversation Mastery Course teaches you the secrets of master conversationalists and gives you the skills you need to have confident, engaging, and captivating conversations with anyone, anywhere.

Please enable JavaScript in your browser to complete this form.

↑ Table of Contents ↑

If you want to stop feeling like this while socializing:

And start feeling like this:

Remember these key tips for being socially savvy and avoiding awkwardness:

Learn the power of confident body language: Posture, personal space, eye contact, and facial expressions are super important cues for making others feel at ease in conversation with you. Don’t forget to stand up straight, maintain 12-18″ of distance from people, balance a few seconds of eye contact with blinking and to glance away, and smile
Change your social identity: Stop calling yourself “socially awkward” and replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Anyone can become socially savvy, but first, you have to believe it’s possible.
Be an active, empathetic listener: Instead of spending whole conversations in your head wondering what to say next, focus on listening and relating to other people. Leaning slightly forward, occasionally nodding your head, and making regular eye contact are key communication tactics for telling someone you care about what they’re saying. Practice empathy by trying to put yourself in their shoes and find similarities between your experiences.
Avoid specific phrases and topics: Controversial and taboo issues are the source of awkwardness! Don’t forget to think before you talk and avoid discussing things like politics, religion, sex, personal matters, or gossip.
Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself: Remember that everyone has socially awkward experiences. The best thing you can do is laugh it off, apologize (if necessary), and keep the conversation flowing.

Continue building your social skills and forging new connections with our Ultimate Guide on How to Make Friends.

7 Easy Ways to Get Rid of Social Awkwardness

We all get into awkward social situations at times, but for some people, communicating with others becomes a constant problem.
To improve your social skills, remember to focus on the other person - or try taking an improv course.

Each of us has experienced socially awkward situations once or twice.

You walk towards the person to hug them and they try to shake your hand so you end up slapping them on the back.

The girl you asked for a date asks you which ice cream you like more - vanilla or chocolate, and for some reason you decide to tell her about the time when you threw up after vanilla ice cream.

There's a good chance you're not as socially incompetent as you think you are. But even just thinking of yourself as awkward can undermine your confidence in social situations.

To boost your self-confidence, we studied a Quora thread called "What do you think are the best ways to improve your social skills?" and noted some practical advice from there.

We can't promise that you'll never run into embarrassing situations like this again, but hopefully these tips will help you enjoy your social interactions instead of being terrified of them.

Note that if social anxiety is interfering with your ability to function on a daily basis, you should see a therapist who can provide you with more helpful tools to calm down.

Be present

We are so used to mental and physical multitasking that we may not even realize how it can turn off our interlocutors.

“When you're around someone but distracted by other thoughts or emotions, people notice,” writes Eva Glasrud. “Perhaps your eyes give you away or your reactions may be a little slow. Or maybe you did it as obviously as possible, using a mobile phone when you “listened” to the interlocutor.

Glasrud continues his thought: “So you make people feel negative. It's like they don't matter to you. Or you're just being insincere."

The ability to focus on where you are right now is called awareness, which you can develop gradually through practice, such as focusing on your breathing and your feelings in the present moment.

Focus on the other person

“The best thing I've learned about improving social skills is to think about the other person instead of thinking about yourself,” says Jennifer McGinnis. "Instead of thinking about how I'm doing or how I look, I think about the other person and how they feel right now."

There is a good chance that your interlocutor is experiencing the same discomfort as you - and acknowledging this fact will help you relax.

Act like it's "the way it is"

In other words, pretend until it works.

Deborah Crawford writes about this:

“Behave as if you already have excellent social skills. What does it look like? Act like you are the host of any meeting you attend and make other people feel accepted. Smile, make short eye contact and say hello.”

Crawford is definitely right about something. A growing body of research suggests that you can change your emotions simply by changing your behavior. For example, smiling can make you feel happier, and applying a "strong posture" can make you more confident.

Practice and reflect

Social awkwardness is like a vicious circle. The worse you feel, the less likely you are to talk to people, which only adds to your discomfort.

This is why Quora user Jeremy Mifsad recommends in a now-deleted comment to deliberately enter as many social situations as possible as an experiment:

“The easiest way to improve your social skills is to consciously enter into social situations. After that, think about what you liked, as well as what you would like to repeat in each situation.

Attend improvisation courses

Hari Alipuriya invites everyone else who is uncomfortable in social situations to follow his example and go to the improvisational theater:

“Most social awkwardness is the result of overthinking. These thoughts are the result of fear. Improvisation makes you live the moment. Instead of thinking about myself, I actively listen and add to what other people tell me.”

This brings us back to McGinnis's idea that you should redirect your focus away from yourself, from what can go wrong and what mistakes you've made in the past, and focus instead on the conversation itself.

Team up with a person whose social skills are better

“I have found that a great way to increase my social openness is to make friends who are much more outgoing than I am,” writes Ankit Seti.

“I go to social events with them, they help me introduce myself to new people and thus give me a “starter social credit” with these people, because thanks to the association with these sociable friends I don’t have to start everything from scratch - I already I have their location, at least some.

"Another benefit of this approach is that they are much more comfortable with short conversations, allowing you to intervene if you have something to say, or remain silent if you have nothing to say."

At some point, you will begin to calmly relate to communicating with people on your own, without the support of your sociable comrades.

Ask questions

Don't use every interaction as an opportunity to show your values and beliefs to others. Think about how you can help the other person feel more relaxed and give them more space to express their thoughts and feelings.

“Instead of rushing to insert your point of view, ask questions,” states Karen Engdahl. “Don't interrupt. Don't force yourself to fill the silence with chatter."

90,000 socially awkward person, awkwardness in communication

Content

Make an effort
Call the Call to your thoughts
Study the basic etiquette and good manners
Aware of the importance of empty conversations
show and ask questions
Pay attention to body language
Create a list of topics to talk about
Avoid assuming what people think of you

Dedicated to the socially awkward
What to do if you feel awkward all the time
Who is prone to social awkwardness
- 1. People with a certain type of personality
- 2. People who are insecure
Should I deal with it
How to get rid of awkwardness
- 1. accurately determine your goal
- 2. Think about whether you can handle
- 3. Start with a small
- 4. Know yourself
- 5. Change attention focus

9000

Social awkwardness - this is a state psyche and the resulting behavior of a person, the characteristic features of which are: fearfulness, indecision, stiffness, tension and awkwardness in society due to self-doubt or lack of social skills.

Possible causes of social awkwardness:

Presence of sensitive, depressed and anxious thought.
Low need for communication.
Intellectual giftedness and, as a result, unwillingness to communicate with peers.
Presence of atypical personality traits.
Having interests inconsistent with people of the same gender and social status.
Having interests that require privacy (reading, computer games, programming).
Bad role models in the form of parents.
Numerous moves from place to place.
Immigration to a new country.
Conflicts at school.
The presence of obvious physical defects.
Some problems in development.

Some are hard to deal with. Take, for example, physical disabilities. They can leave a strong imprint on a person's life, but we all know examples of people who have not been alienated from society by this.

Follow the instructions for getting rid of social awkwardness if you notice its impact.

Make an effort

Many people want to feel good in society, but few really do anything for it. Fear affects us in such a way that we only want to get rid of social awkwardness, but do not do it. Practice.

Challenge your thoughts

This is one of the main exercises in CBT: being aware of your emotions and challenging them.

When you are in a society, notice the thoughts that now and then slip through your head. Write down 10 similar thoughts. As a rule, the "ten" most frequent accounts for about 90% of all negative thoughts in people experiencing social awkwardness.

Learn basic etiquette and good manners

Curiously, sometimes this is enough to overcome social awkwardness. When you know the norms of etiquette, then your movements are confident, which means that order reigns in your head.

If you belong in society, then society reacts accordingly: you are accepted as one of them. In the end, good manners and etiquette never hurt anyone, so you will become a more pleasant person.

Recognize the importance of empty conversations

If you have noticed symptoms of social awkwardness, you have probably noted the fact that you like to talk only to the point. Talk about nothing for you.

However, small talk is a great way to feel at ease and make connections. People love those who are not too "annoying" in conversation, make you relax and laugh.

According to communication expert Dr. Carol Fleming, small talk has 3 parts: anchor, revelation, and encouragement. When anchoring, you share with the interlocutor a "common reality": your personal experiences or experiences. At a party, it will be enough to say about the taste of the dish and express an opinion about it. In revelation, you complete the information used in the anchor, moving the dialogue forward. For example, say that you are a chef or that you usually eat little meat, but only a large selection of it is presented here. Encouragement is often a question or a phrase that the interlocutor will accurately comment on. "What do you think about this dish?"

Show interest and ask questions

Socially awkward people tend to be passive. They are so afraid to enter into a dialogue with others that they do not even try.

We need to be proactive. Approach the person and start asking open-ended questions. When answering, show interest and listen. Do not be distracted by the phone and your thoughts, be here and now with this person.

Pay attention to body language

The brain and psyche react to body language. If you use closed postures, the brain understands this as self-doubt, you become squeezed, even if there are no psychological prerequisites for this.

There are very simple but very effective tips:

Smile more often. Yes, it works. Smiling makes us relaxed and joyful.
Mirror the interlocutor. Repeat the actions, body position and facial expressions of the person. Do it discreetly and after a while you will start to find a common language.
Use strong postures. You can find a large number of variations on the Internet and practice them.
Gesture confidently. Hands in communication play a huge role both for you and for your interlocutor. They convey information and also make you feel more confident.
Avoid being fussy. What does this mean? Make as few unnecessary movements as possible. Fussy people do 10 things when they only need 2-3.

Create a list of things to talk about

This is not as stupid an idea as it might seem. Any preparation for anything cannot be unnecessary. You don't have to stick to a plan, but it will help you start a conversation and continue it confidently. You may be so scared that the first words will fly out of your head, but never the list of topics.

Avoid assuming what people think of you

Even if they really think about you (which is unlikely), this is not a reason to torture yourself. Understand that if you fill your head with such things, you will not be able to think about anything more important. For example, when talking with a person, you need to think about his words, and not about how you seem to him.

We wish you good luck!

Key words:1 Self-knowledge

Dedicated to the socially awkward

I will allow myself half an hour of spiritual exhibitionism.

Recently I have been thinking a lot about my path to therapy, to therapeutic practice, to the therapeutic community, to people… I think it makes sense to share this so that it is clear that we, psychologists, are people too.

Working closely with people, at some time I suddenly clearly saw that there are many people in the world who are decently clumsy in establishing social contacts. Many, if not most.

I am definitely in this group and I think this is one of the key reasons why I am in psychotherapy.

I well remember the pictures from my childhood, where other children get together in groups, uniting on the principle of commonality, similarity of interests. And I wanted that too, I really wanted it. To be together, to join such a group and to be accepted and recognized as one's own.

And I well remember these feelings and envy, and childish admiration, and curiosity - how THEY do it, how they do it, how to make it so that they take me.

Just such clumsy thoughts without a hint of any creativity overcame me.

But I was not GIVEN. Not given, not vaccinated, not trained.

No one told or showed me, no one shared, or maybe they didn’t have it at all, and they didn’t know the recipes for how to do it - how to properly organize relationships with people, how to start them, what to do to be accepted.

It seems that my family, and the families of many of my clients, had enough of these slightly clumsy, awkward “relationship masters”.

So if you look at all these stories from the side, then obviously people did not know how to do it. Quite often there are some deeply lonely, or completely socially unadapted, decently marginal, some drinking, and some simply dry depressing people. Or they are too charged for this very adaptation and adjustment - there are all sorts of teachers, workers of public organizations, ministers of the church - so that to the detriment of themselves, for the benefit of people or God.

In such a team it was difficult to grow up as a not lost child. I was shaking from disorientation, how to live correctly, how to do it - it was difficult, looking at the series of these different destinies, to find out the truth, to find out how the world of human relations works, to understand what to rely on.

In general, the acuteness of one of the main dilemmas of humanity - “where is the truth?” - is in this small child's soul.

Sometimes it stopped shaking and threw me into the other extreme - a complete rejection of any relationship.

Such a relational paralysis. Can you imagine a bandaged person from head to toe, who only with his eyes continues to watch HOW people do it, inside under the bandages they rage, they are torn to the will of feelings, but outwardly they are completely immobilized? is a good illustration of me during periods of such stupor.

And, of course, along the way, I tried to balance this whole messed up system with achievements. Found a well-functioning narcissistic way of coping with the absence of something crucial in a relationship.

The languishing and tearing hunger for people (read - for LOVE) was initially compensated by good grades at school, close drunken contact with literature, and the race for recognition (it was only later that I found out that my mother's. And a little later I came to that that it is not and never will be. Never. In the form in which I want - never. But that's another story).

I remember there were periods when it seemed to me that I was beginning to understand something about how it works, and this understanding was reduced to the furious extraction of some resources that people needed and in anticipation of gratitude in the form of relationships for my such actions.

And, accordingly, bitter tears of disappointment when my scheme turned out to be not working. In short, it was difficult for me to deal with people.

At one time I romantically believed everyone, not really understanding who was in front of me. Then suddenly, with strong suspicion, she peered at people from seemingly proven relationships.

I remember very well my acuteness and undifferentiated, splashing to the left and right aggressiveness, which, on closer examination, looked much like fear, and hidden under it, no less strong desire - to relax, to get closer, to believe. And now I can smell her smell from a mile away (precisely with an admixture of desire and fear) from my clients.

Along the way, I came to psychology, and some time later, to psychotherapy.

And at the beginning there was a wild rebellion, misunderstanding, resistance, impossibility-inability to digest all that large porridge-like mass of experiences that rose in layers, in pieces from the depths of my soul.

The aggravation was so strong. Only years later, a series of discoveries “about myself” began and still does not stop.

I remember in one of the training groups there was a wonderful exercise where you had to draw a mask for yourself, on which to depict an image of what you lack.

Then we turned into children and put on our masks. And I got in. In the very jungle of those childhood sensations, when other children play, move closer, move away, laugh, do something together, and I sit alone on a bench, trembling with resentment, pain, misunderstanding, desire and fear to get closer and from this terrible loneliness and anger that I can't.

It was a good group and that diving experience changed the way I felt about my loneliness. The effect was unexpected - something suddenly began to work out in a relationship that I had never dealt with before. I found out, felt what sincere indifference, attentiveness to my life looks like. And it was a breakthrough. Another confirmation that breakthroughs are possible.

In such a strange way, while experiencing some feelings, discovering oneself and something important in oneself and for oneself, the ice in the “ocean of my relations with people” was broken. From some small realizations, small point steps, the whole calico of self-perception and world perception has changed and is still changing, and small and big changes occur.
Yes, in therapy, and in relationships, breakthroughs are possible.

This is one of the most important discoveries, along with the ability to choose, but also to be responsible for your choice, along with the fact that feelings are a storehouse of information about the person himself and his attitude to the world and people, along with the fact that diseases are ways of our consciousness to speak to us, along with the fact that there is nothing unambiguous, there is no "only truth", along with the fact that crises are an inevitable part of our life, along with the fact that some things are completely impossible to change, never ... Along with the fact that What …. There were many finds.

But changes are possible, I know that for sure. If a person is ready for them, if they are really necessary for his happiness, if he does not lie to himself, that this is important for him. If he is ready to invest, be an active participant in his life. If he made room for these changes, after all.

…I am much less afraid of people. Some even managed to fall in love)

Alena Shvets

What to do if you feel uncomfortable all the time

Who are prone to social awkwardness

1. People with a certain type of personality

Most often these are psychasthenics - often doubtful, anxious people who find it difficult to approach strangers and take on a new business.

Awkwardness, a feeling of embarrassment, stiffness are most characteristic of pronounced introverts who are accustomed to communicate closely only with a narrow circle of people, as well as individuals with increased anxiety. Such people are worried that they can give the wrong answer, offend the interlocutor, or look inappropriate.

Olesya Zvagolskaya, psychologist, teacher of psychology

2. Insecure people

A person of any type of personality can feel uncomfortable in society if before that he was condemned by his peers or parents for a long time. Even very sociable and optimistic people can lose self-esteem under the influence of negative experiences and being in an aggressive social environment.

Is it necessary to fight it

A shy person is usually not the ringleader and life of the company. However, such people often have other important qualities, such as sensitivity and delicacy. A typical example is director Woody Allen, whose natural shyness did not prevent him from becoming famous all over the world. So the main thing is to accept yourself as you are, and learn how to use it.

Awkwardness is not always a bad quality to fight against. Rather, it is a good diagnostic feature that helps you deal with your inner world. In some situations, awkwardness can act as an additional opportunity to communicate with the right person and establish emotional contact with him.

Grigory Bakhin, practicing psychologist, executor of the YouDo.com online personal services service

If a feeling of awkwardness prevents you from living and achieving your goals, try changing your attitude towards this trait and developing new behavioral strategies. You can't completely change your personality type.

It is pointless to struggle with characterological qualities. This is not something bad, not a flaw, but part of your personality. You need to know about it and take it into account when making decisions. For example, do not go to the special forces.

Ilya Shabshin, counseling psychologist, author of books

How to get rid of awkwardness

1. Define your goal precisely

In any business, a plan and understanding of your goals will not interfere. Think about the situations in which awkwardness interferes with you: in communication with the opposite sex, with superiors and officials, with new people or with acquaintances too? Imagine what will change in your life when you overcome your social awkwardness. This will help you understand yourself better and encourage you to take further action.

You should always be puzzled first by the inner side of the issue, namely the alignment of self-esteem and the elimination of anxiety, and then specific communication techniques.

Olesya Zvagolskaya, psychologist, teacher of psychology

2. Think about whether you can handle it yourself

Sometimes self-doubt and increased anxiety can be signs of social phobia and other serious disorders. There are tests on the Internet to determine the level of depression and the presence of social phobia, but it is better not to get involved in self-diagnosis. If you suspect something like this, contact a specialist.

3. Start small

This is a universal tip for all situations, but it's especially important here. If a person of the psychasthenic type expects too much from himself, this will only aggravate everything. There are trainings in which you need to approach strangers on the street and ask them for money or hugs. You should not start with such exercises if they scare you to death.

4. Know thyself

The root of many problems is that a person imagines himself not as he really is. The more we know ourselves, the less we are afraid to seem ridiculous and not like someone.

Our biggest fear is not living up to our own expectations. The feeling of awkwardness arises when we perform an act that is at odds with the illusion about ourselves.

You need to understand your true features and allow yourself to make mistakes, because no one is immune from them.

5. Change the focus of attention

When a person is embarrassed, he completely focuses on himself and his feelings. Instead, turn your attention to others, become genuinely interested in someone's life or story. In the end, it may even be dishonest: perhaps your opponent did not even notice your timidity or oversight, and you no longer listen to him at all and withdraw into yourself.

6. Choose Your Social Circle Carefully

It is very difficult to increase self-esteem if your loved ones make fun of you or assert themselves at your expense. Get rid of such pseudo-friends, and keep such colleagues and relatives at a maximum distance.

7. Keep records

Make a plan, write down all the successes, patterns of phrases for communication. There is no shame in using cheat sheets for self-development. In addition, written information is better absorbed.

8. Read books on psychology and self-development

Many of them really help to change life dramatically. For awkward people, we especially recommend books on body language and facial expressions, such as The New Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease and Difficulties in Communication by Andrey Kurpatov.

9. Just wait

As people get older, they gain experience and are less responsive to the opinions of others. So to some extent the problem will be solved by itself. Of course, this option is only suitable if shyness and shyness do not greatly interfere with your life.

10. Don't take it personally

Remember, if someone is rude or reticent, it's probably not about you. Probably, this person behaves like this with everyone or is simply not in a good mood. Insecure people are often too suspicious and take any negativity personally.

But we are not responsible for other people's behavior, but we can control our own.

11. Know your worth when trying to make contact

Avoid negativity, but don't fawn or be silent when you've been offended. It is better to blush and stammer to say that you were hurt than to silently leave, swallowing the insult or not understanding the situation.

12. Remember: before you, many have already successfully passed this way

So, it is real for you too. We wish you good luck!

People need communication in all kinds of relationships (friendly, personal, professional). However, meeting new people can make you feel awkward, embarrassed, and even uncomfortable. What to talk about with a person when you do not know anything about him? To be honest, most people can't figure out what makes them feel uncomfortable.

Check yourself for the following:

• If you find that people do not want to communicate with you, most likely you are a socially inhibited person, and it is difficult to carry on a conversation with you.
• If you are nervous or uncomfortable, and you yourself avoid contact with other people, this means that you are afraid of any interaction with them.
• You find it difficult to make friends and prefer to spend time at home with your own company rather than meet with friends.
• People who have communication problems depend on how others treat them - that is, their self-esteem depends on this attitude.

The good news is that you can completely eradicate this feeling of embarrassment in yourself when you find yourself in any social situation. Try to use these tips to be ready for a conversation with a stranger.

1. Plan how to carry on a conversation

The first step in dealing with social discomfort is preparation. Or understanding what you need to say so as not to feel constrained and awkward. If you get lost in communication, use a technique called "threading the conversation." This means stringing phrase after phrase, message after message, to avoid pauses.

2. Avoid moments of silence in conversation

Avoid those long moments of silence in conversation at all costs. Such silence, hanging in the air, arises literally in a matter of seconds. It creates a feeling of awkwardness. Plus, this silence is likely to increase your anxiety, making the situation even worse. To avoid this scenario, prepare in advance and rehearse some neutral phrases.

3. Make positive comments and compliments

Compliments are a magical act to eliminate social awkwardness. First, when you say something nice to a stranger, you set the tone and direction for the conversation. Secondly, the compliment brings a certain warmth and positivity to the conversation. However, you need to “work” with compliments carefully so that you do not look like an insincere flatterer.

4. Be attentive

Sometimes the feeling of embarrassment comes from a lack of attention. You can't do anything if your interlocutor doesn't listen to you. Therefore, try to be as careful as possible yourself. And also absorb all the information that is voiced to you. Also, maintain eye contact and nod your head.

5. Reconfigure your thinking

Most people's social awkwardness is associated with anxiety, fear, insecurity and low self-esteem. All this can be eliminated when you know how and what to talk about. If you find in yourself the reasons for your awkwardness, then slowly learn to keep up conversations even with complete strangers.

6. Improve and develop your social skills

Feelings of embarrassment can arise from the inability to communicate. Have you ever told a joke in a company and no one even smiled? Are people ignoring your comments because no one notices them? So you need to work on your social skills. The best way is constant practice. Surround yourself with people who are more sociable. For example, you can accompany them to events where they can introduce you to new people. Also, a friend who is more social than you will fill in the gaps in conversations. This will gently eliminate the feeling of awkwardness.

We all find ourselves in awkward social situations at times, but for some people communication with others becomes a constant problem.
To improve your social skills, remember to focus on the other person - or try taking an improv course.

Each of us has experienced socially awkward situations once or twice.

You walk towards the person to hug them and they try to shake your hand so you end up slapping them on the back.

The girl you asked for a date asks you which ice cream you like more - vanilla or chocolate, and for some reason you decide to tell her about the time when you threw up after vanilla ice cream.

There is a good chance that you are not as socially incompetent as you yourself think. But even just thinking of yourself as awkward can undermine your confidence in social situations.

To boost your self-confidence, we studied a Quora thread called "What do you think are the best ways to improve your social skills?" and noted some practical advice from there.

We can't promise that you'll never run into embarrassing situations like this again, but hopefully these tips will help you enjoy your social interactions instead of being terrified of them.

Note that if social anxiety is interfering with your ability to function on a daily basis, you should see a therapist who can provide you with more helpful tools to calm down.

Be present

We are so used to mental and physical multitasking that we may not even realize how it can repel our interlocutors.

Glasrud continues his thought: “So you make people feel negative. It's like they don't matter to you. Or you're just being insincere."

The ability to focus on where you are right now is called awareness, which you can develop gradually through practice, such as focusing on your breathing and your feelings in the present moment.

Focus on the other person

“The best thing I've learned about improving social skills is thinking about the other person instead of thinking about myself,” says Jennifer McGinnis. "Instead of thinking about how I'm doing or how I look, I think about the other person and how they feel right now."

There is a good chance that your interlocutor is experiencing the same discomfort as you - and acknowledging this fact will help you relax.

Act like it's "the way it is"

In other words, pretend until it works.

Deborah Crawford writes about this:

Practice and reflect

Social awkwardness is like a vicious circle. The worse you feel, the less likely you are to talk to people, which only adds to your discomfort.

This is why Quora user Jeremy Mifsad recommends in a now-deleted comment to deliberately enter as many social situations as possible as an experiment:

“The easiest way to improve your social skills is to consciously enter into social situations. After that, think about what you liked, as well as what you would like to repeat in each situation.

Attend improvisation courses

Hari Alipuria invites everyone else who is uncomfortable in social situations to follow his example and go to improvisational theater:

Team up with a person whose social skills are better

“I've found that a great way to increase my social openness is to make friends who are much more outgoing than I am,” writes Ankit Seti.

At some point, you will begin to calmly relate to communicating with people on your own, without the support of your sociable comrades.

Ask questions

Learn more