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Accepting love relationship


Teach Yourself to Receive Love in 5 Steps

The holiday season is here, which means there’s more than enough love to go around. Families and friends are coming together to share the holiday spirit. It is the time for gift-giving and sharing love for one another. However, it can be easy for us to get caught up in showing love to others and forget to allow ourselves to receive love.

To be loved and nurtured by others is a basic human need. It is one of the main experiences in life that helps us grow into the best versions of ourselves. To receive another’s love means we can allow ourselves to surrender to their care, kindness, respect, praise, encouragement, and commitment. Many of us can forget that receiving love is just as important as giving it.

Why is Receiving Love Difficult?

For those of us who are natural givers, receiving love may not come naturally or may even feel uncomfortable. According to authors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt (of Receiving Love: Letting Yourself Be Loved Will Transform Your Relationship), the root of the issue most often is self-rejection. This can go back to our childhood experience of love, in which the love given to us was not unconditional. If we feel as children we have to meet certain conditions to receive love, we may develop a core belief that we are not worthy of it just as we are. Therefore, when others try to give us love, it can trigger this core belief of unworthiness and undeservedness, making us feel uncomfortable receiving affection.

Of course, there can be many different reasons why we may find it difficult to receive love. It could be past trauma, unfamiliarity with receiving, feelings of unworthiness, and much more. Regardless, it is very common to feel resistance to receiving love in compliments, affection, accepting help, and more.

Learning to both receive and give love is hugely important for deepening our relationship with others and building our own sense of self-esteem. Here are five tips for allowing yourself to receive love this holiday season (or any time of the year!)

1. Be Aware of How You Feel When Receiving Affection

The first step to making progress with anything in life is to become aware of it. Psychologist Nathaniel Branden has said, “The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.” If you think (or know) that you have resistance to receiving love, notice exactly what resistance comes when you receive affection from another.

When you notice it, take a breath and remember to be patient with yourself. There are many reasons why you may feel uncomfortable receiving affection, but it likely could be related to a past relationship or childhood experience where receiving love was rare, uncomfortable, only given with conditions, etc. Be understanding with yourself as you notice what discomfort or resistance comes up for you, which will bring you one step closer to accepting you may have issues receiving love. Remember that noticing is the first step to progress!

2. Talk Openly with Loved Ones About How You Feel

Being vulnerable can be difficult, especially if you have resistance to receiving love. However, being open about how you feel with someone you can trust is a great way to open yourself up to receiving affection and reassurance in a safe environment. Let a loved one know that you have noticed you have a hard time receiving affection. This can open up the space for you to explore why you feel this way and create space for compassion and reassurance.

Having someone you love and trust understand your resistance may bring you closer and create the space for progress to be formed. Sharing how you feel with a loved one is also great practice for communicating your needs, which ultimately leads to you receiving love in the way you need it.

3. Notice How You Prefer to Receive Love

Just like we prefer to give love in certain ways, we also have preferences in how we like to receive love. Some of us may particularly appreciate a nice warm hug, while others of us prefer receiving a heartfelt gift.

These different ways of receiving love are known as the five love languages: words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, receiving gifts, and acts of service. There may be one or two ways of receiving love that you are more comfortable with than others.

It can make a huge difference to recognize how you prefer to receive love and to communicate this to the people in your life. This can make receiving love feel easier and allow the people in your life to show their affection for you in the way you best receive it.

4. Seek the Help of a Professional

Receiving love can feel especially uncomfortable or difficult for those of us that have experienced sexual or relationship trauma. There is absolutely no shame in this, as trauma dramatically changes how we interact with our external world and relationships. Healing from trauma is a lifelong journey and it can be extremely helpful to work with a specialist who can assist you on your healing journey in the way you need.

Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, a marriage and family therapist and forensic psychologist, discussed the importance of addressing sexual trauma on the Dear Sex Podcast: “Because its [effects of trauma] are transcending to other areas of our lives… [if we are] not being able to function because of what happened to us, we have no choice but to address it”.

We all deserve to receive love, and traumatic events can make it difficult to open ourselves up to trusting and being vulnerable. One of the first big steps of healing from trauma is addressing what happened to us, and it may be best to do this with a licensed professional who can provide a safe, compassionate, and non-judgmental space.

5. Accept That You Are Worthy of Love

Realizing you are worthy of being loved, just like any other human being, is ultimately the biggest step to allowing yourself to receive love from others. There are many different ways to go about developing self-worth, like catching yourself in self-deprecating thoughts and changing the story, seeing a therapist, being vulnerable with a friend, etc.

Remember, there is no right way to develop self-worth. Feeling worthy is not an overnight process, so it’s essential to have patience with yourself and take it one step at a time.

Conclusion

For many of us, giving love comes naturally. This is a beautiful thing, as showing our love for others brings us closer to them and allows us to brighten another’s day. However, it is equally important to open yourself up to receiving love from friends, family, or partners. Ultimately, realizing you are worthy of being loved is a big step towards a happier and more fulfilling life.

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Receiving Love From Others: Healing Through Treatment

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The Importance Of Love From Others

Love from others is a necessity for humans. Love allows for connection, growth, and the survival of the human species and spirit. When we have other people’s love, we allow ourselves to surrender to their care, kindness, respect, compliments, encouragement, and commitment. Valuing the support of others can help us heal the parts of ourselves we may be struggling with so that we can transform. Furthermore, when we receive love from others without feelings of selfishness or doing so just to have needs met, we are communicating our desire to nurture and be nurtured.

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Being Open To Receiving Love From Others

Receiving love can be as simple as expressing gratitude for support or connection. However, receiving love can also be difficult for many to practice, due to self-limiting beliefs or blockages to love. Emotions like shame, guilt, or low self-esteem can keep some from receiving the love they need in healthy relationships.

Being open to receiving love begins with a choice to receive others’ love and trust their intentions. Receiving allows for love to flow freely to one individual without feeling of shame, unworthiness, or obligation. The choice to receive love can be actualized through:

  • Receiving love without obligation
  • Knowing one’s value
  • Expressing one’s need for help, love, or encouragement
  • Accepting compliments
  • Accepting help from others
  • Actively listening to others as they communicate

Receiving love is often connected to one’s self-image and ability to love themselves in a healthy manner. Receiving love is also connected with one’s self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love. If one is low in any of  these areas, they may struggle with accepting genuine self-love from others. Remembering to accept and love one’s self is a primary way to accept to love.

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Building And Maintaining Trust

Building and maintaining trust in relationships are essential for their growth and development. Trust is essential to receiving and giving love to others, because it allows for cooperation and commitment for flourish. Building trust can involve your friend, partner, family member, or co-worker showing the following characteristics:

  • Availability
  • Consideration for the needs of others
  • Consistency
  • Vulnerability
  • Accountability
  • Integrity (matching words and actions)
  • Sharing ideas and emotions
  • Acceptance

Maintaining trust allows for the giver of love and the receiver of love to have a sense of balance within the relationship. Trust can be gained over time as both parties involved in the relationship grow to depend on and confide in each other.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships And Love From Others

Healthy relationships thrive with equality, warmth, interdependence, respect, trust, playfulness, and honesty. These relationships can be extremely helpful to someone recovering from addiction, as they offer support and other valuable benefits. Due to the quality of healthy relationships, we can feel nurtured and vulnerable to confide in our loved ones, friends and spouses with a feeling of safety. Healthy relationships can be created in many places, such as:

  • Religious functions
  • Interest groups
  • Work
  • The gym
  • Treatment center activities
  • 12-Step support groups

Unhealthy relationships consist of turmoil, abuses of control, a lack of respect, lack of fondness or support, and other difficult characteristics. Either party may lack value of one’s self or the other party and may put pressure on the other in attempts to control the relationship dynamics. As a result, strains of unhealthy relationships can cause frustration and emotional blockages to love.

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Avoiding Negative Influences

Accept love in its purest, most positive form by avoiding negative people. Negative people can come in the form of friends, family, and co-workers who create conflict, criticize, discourage, or put others down. These negative or “toxic” influences are often distressing, creating negative experiences in the individual’s life.

The individual seeking transformation may drift back into stressful mental and emotional states. As a result, the individual may become discouraged from living a life of wellness or may struggle to maintain a positive attitude. Take back your power and resist any urge to dwell on negative comments, mean-spirited remarks, or discouraging feedback, and seek encouraging, supportive people.

Finally, if you are in a position to offer support to a loved one struggling with substance abuse, be mindful of the challenges they face. Be compassionate and non-judgmental as you encourage their road to sobriety.

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Get The Support You Need

Healthy relationships are essential for recovery support. If you or a family member struggle with substance abuse, or finding a healthy support system, contact a treatment provider today. They can help guide you to facilities specializing in the best support groups focusing on love and spirituality-based peer groups.

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Krystina Murray plusminus

5 stages of love (and why many break up already at the third)

Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip with children

In any, even the most passionate (at first) relationship, one day there comes a moment when the man of your dreams no longer seems so handsome and smart to you , sex with him has ceased to be passionate, and you yourself, frankly, attract him less.

Usually it is at this stage that unions break up - in some couples it comes earlier, and in some it can happen even after ten years of marriage. Having experienced a difficult parting, we rush in search of “the one” again. But as soon as we find it, the vicious cycle "from admiration to disappointment" repeats again. nine0003

What is the reason? Family psychologist and counselor Jed Diamond is sure:

What we perceive as the point of no return, in fact, is nothing more than the next stage of our relationship - and in some cases even the beginning of true, long and strong love.

And if we do not learn to recognize it in time and take control of our emotions, we run the risk of stepping on the same rake again and again.

All in all, according to the expert, any love relationship goes through five standard stages. The third is the most difficult, but if you manage to survive it, in the final you will be able to move mountains together. nine0003

Stage one: falling in love

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle

From a purely biological point of view, falling in love is just a trick of evolution to bring two people together who could continue the human race. But when we are passionate about someone, we think about the tricks of nature the least: mainly because we are under the influence of the hormones dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, testosterone and estrogen. It is this explosive cocktail that gives rise to those very “butterflies in the stomach” - when the heart beats faster and the breath catches. nine0003

The feeling of inspiration is only intensified by the fact that we begin to unconsciously project all our unfulfilled dreams and hopes onto a new lover. We begin to dream of a bright future with him: how all our desires will come true, how we will get everything that we didn’t receive in childhood, and will not face the disappointments that we experienced in past relationships. No matter how cynical it may sound, hormones do not allow us to think sensibly and logically, but this should not be ashamed: after all, it is not for nothing that the feeling of falling in love is considered one of the most exciting in the emotional range of a person. Enjoying them is not a sin at all. nine0003

Stage two: pairing

Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge

In this stage, the feelings of lovers deepen, they have common goals - and, in the end, they form a strong couple (mainly through marriage) . At the same time, they have children, together they buy a car, an apartment, plan the future and demonstrate to the whole world that from now on they are - as we liked to say before, "a single unit of society."

This stage is a period of joy and pleasure from the fact that you can just be together. Hormones no longer have the same power, but you feel a deeper attachment. Sex also becomes, although less frequent and calmer, but more meaningful and still satisfying. There is a sense of security, orderliness and solidity. At this moment, many couples miss the past intensity of emotions a little, but still they like this stage of their relationship much more, because right now they feel that their love is more stable than ever, and nothing can change it. nine0003

But this is a big mistake.

Stage three: disappointment

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt

Of course, no one said that relationships are easy, but you were clearly not ready for such difficulties. It seems that irritation and almost physical rejection of each other arose in your couple for no reason at all. Suddenly you realize that your ideal love is blackened to the ground, and this has been going on for a very long time. Or maybe there was no love at all? nine0003

As a rule, disappointment is the stage during which most marriages break up. In different couples, it proceeds differently: someone runs away from each other at the first serious disagreement, and someone lives with a feeling of total dissatisfaction and hidden hatred for years. At this moment, we prefer to stay at work more often, quarrel over every trifle, and, according to the psychologist, even get sick more often. A difficult situation in the family leads to breakdowns at work, to a decrease in immunity, to absolute apathy, men may experience problems with erection, and so on. Of course, all this does not contribute to the treatment of relationships - and out of desperation, many lovers begin to look for ways to retreat. nine0003

Monica Bellucci and Vincent Cassel

What's going on? Many couples break up at this point because they mistakenly believe that being unhappy in a relationship is abnormal and illogical. And yet, it is not. As with any organized system, marriages can also fail - so the first thing to do here is to fix the breakdown, and not leave everything to chance. Dr. Diamond, who has gone through two divorces, understood this only on the third time, when he and his wife decided to continue working and not part, no matter how much they wanted to. (Read: Female Marriage Mistakes Easier Not to Do Than Correct)

The third stage of a relationship can be compared to a virus, overcoming which you will become much more resistant to irritants. At this moment, lovers cease to see each other as an “ideal”: you see an ordinary person, whom it is not easy to love without the help of hormones and the illusions of the previous two stages, but still possible.

In fact, only now can we say that you are building true love, because only after the third stage do you begin to accept each other as you really are. Completely. nine0015

Fourth stage: true, lasting love

French President Emmanuel Macron and his wife Brigitte Macron

After all the storms that accompanied the third stage have receded, the stage of deep and thorough reflection begins. Together, you begin to carefully analyze what happened to you before and why you were destabilized by what destabilized you. During this period, you will get to know each other better than ever, because often the root of your mutual (but, fortunately, already past) adversity lies in your childhood. nine0003

At the fourth stage of a relationship, people are not so much in love as psychologists for each other. And rightly so: evidence from many studies shows that childhood traumas (parental divorce, domestic violence, infidelity) can directly affect how a person behaves when they grow up.

At this stage, perhaps for the first time, your selfishness fades into the background: from now on, your attachment to each other becomes so deep that you mutually begin to heal each other's wounds. And this not only makes the bond between you stronger - it nullifies any potential conflict, because both of you will already know exactly what provokes it and how to avoid it all. (Read: They Lived Happily Ever After: How to Stay on the Same Wave with Your Husband)

Stage five: love that can change the world

Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip on their 70th wedding anniversary

But this, according to Dr. Diamond, is already the Absolute of love. Not everyone reaches this stage, because many couples who go through a crisis prefer to remain in the fourth stage of a relationship until the end of their lives. And this is not bad in its own way, but still, if your love is so strong that it can spread to the whole world around you, this cannot but inspire. nine0003

The logic here is this: the two of you have overcome so many problems and obstacles on the way to happiness and have not given up. So why not use your positive experience for the benefit of others? This calm wisdom pours out first to help your children, then to other people's children, even later to charitable organizations, and so on. Your love is already so mature that you don't need to feed it - that's why it logically looks for outlets in other good deeds. It is this stage that is the summary of all the past decades of your relationship, when love becomes that very poetic feeling that can truly change the world. By the way, it is at this stage that some couples begin to engage in joint creativity: they write books in co-authorship, create social projects, etc. nine0003

Photo: Getty Images

Love without loss: How to avoid mistakes at the beginning of a relationship - February 6, 2018

The beginning of a love relationship is the most difficult, although very pleasant period. Why complex? Because it is at the beginning of the novel that the relationship between a man and a woman is so fragile that a spark from which a flame has not yet flared up can easily go out because of any trifle. Psychologist Maxim Razdobreev told about how not to spoil the relationship from the very beginning. nine0090

The psychology of relations between a man and a woman, like any process that takes place on Earth, has certain stages. There are many of them, but today we will talk about only one - the initial one.

It is easy to guess that any relationship begins with attraction. A man, captivated by female charms, begins to show signs of attention to a woman. He feels her disposition towards him, as she reacts to these signs.

At first timidly, and then more confidently, he continues courting the most special woman in the world for him. Admiring her external beauty, the man gradually tries to get to know the woman closer. At this stage, the so-called candy-bouquet period begins. nine0003

A woman is arranged in such a way that she is attracted to a man based not only on his appearance and physical form. He attracts her with his intelligence, responsibility and self-confidence. Meeting such a man, a woman gladly accepts his signs of attention. For her part, she does everything possible to maintain the man's interest in her person.

It is at this stage in the process of getting to know each other that both parties tend to make mistakes that can lead to a break. nine0003

In general, according to Maxim Razdobreev, relationships should not start with insincerity and manipulation. This applies to both partners.

But to be more specific, all the mistakes made can be divided into male and female.

When a woman really likes a man, she is always worried. That's just excessive emotions and fears of doing something wrong, just lead them to a lot of mistakes that contribute to the gap.

Error 1 : "artificial". We have already referred to this factor as “insincerity” earlier, and this is exactly what we are talking about here. If a woman, wanting to make the best impression, begins to behave differently from her real self, then either the man will notice this and be disappointed in her, or the relationship will turn into a theater. But everyone knows that performances in the theater tend to end after the second or third act. nine0003

Error 2 : "I decided everything for the two of us." Typical situation. Only having met a man, a woman has already planned a serious relationship, a wedding, children and a happy old age. But the man doesn't even know about it. Suddenly, he just likes a woman, and he is not averse to having sex with her, but not going down the aisle.

Error 3 : when a woman provokes her partner with jealousy. This factor is called “jealousy as manipulation”. At this stage of the relationship, the man will adequately evaluate such behavior and the woman will be treated accordingly. nine0003

It is a well-known fact that insecure women often use this type of manipulation to raise their own price in the eyes of the man they like.

Error 4 : privacy violation. By itself, this factor can ruin any relationship, not just romantic ones. Each partner should have personal space. This error does not only apply to women.

It may seem strange, but the errors in women and men are similar, only they manifest themselves in different ways. nine0003

Having met a girl who managed to attract attention, men also try to like it, show their feelings, and often, without realizing it themselves, make mistakes that can quickly lead to the opposite effect and a break in relations.

Error 1 : self-doubt. Women prefer confident men. If he constantly doubts and adapts only to the desires of a woman, she quickly loses interest in him. A man who is confident in himself, who knows how to make decisions and take responsibility, has a much better chance of reciprocal feelings than one who, constantly doubting, seeks approval from a woman. nine0003

Error 2 : rude. Any manifestations of bad manners prevent people from understanding each other. If a man allows himself to be rude, it can be assumed that he does not respect his companion, does not strive to make a favorable impression on her. After all, the more serious intentions a man has, the more attentive and affectionate he becomes to his chosen one.

Error 3 : One of the biggest mistakes men make in relationships with women is insisting on physical intimacy. As a rule, this type of men is not inclined to think about the feelings of other people. It is important for them to assert themselves, to get the desired result. In most cases, with this approach, a serious relationship is not planned at all with a girl. It is only a means for its own self-realization. Although, in general, the topic of intimacy in a relationship is of no small importance. nine0003

Error 4 : fear of showing a woman his weakness. From childhood, men are brought up in severity, instilling in them strictly “male” qualities.

Growing up, a man is terribly afraid to show some simple human feelings and emotions. He does not allow to admit to some kind of weakness, believing that it is not masculine. However, all people have emotions. It will be much more pleasant for a woman to see a living person next to her who is not afraid to show her feelings, trusting her with her experiences. nine0003

Thus, at the beginning of a relationship, men and women often make mistakes. Wisdom lies in being able to recognize them in time, draw conclusions and change your behavior.

“The easiest and most effective way is to talk. Chat, ask each other questions. Discuss everything that worries and excites, ”advised the psychologist.

Honesty and directness in a relationship is the best path to mutual understanding and it is better to apply it from the very beginning of the relationship.

It is very important not to become isolated in your fears and doubts. At the initial stage of the relationship, they arise almost exclusively due to a lack of information. Therefore, it is simply necessary to share with your partner what is on your mind.

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