1 year after infidelity
Our Emotional Affair Recovery One Year Later
Today is the first year anniversary of starting this blog and we thought it would be appropriate to present to you a status update of sorts on our emotional affair recovery over the last year.
I’ll warn you in advance that this is a long post, so hit the bathroom, grab a sandwich and something to drink before you read on.
First of all, it has been amazing to us to see how much this site has grown over a year’s time. We have gone from zero readers to averaging just shy of 700 unique visitors a day. Visitors have viewed 542,264 pages year-to-date. People from 96 countries from around the world have visited our blog so far this month alone. At the time of this writing, we have posted 268 times and there have been 3223 comments.
And when you think about it…we’re just a small blog. Imagine if you would combine the readership of all the blogs and other various infidelity websites on the Internet. The numbers would be staggering. This tells you that there are a lot of people suffering from infidelity all over the world, and that it is a huge problem and source of pain.
Obviously we appreciate all of you who visit and especially those of you who contribute and comment. We’re pretty confident that this blog has helped some people over the last year (including us), and you all are a major cause of that.
Our intent when we started this blog was to share our experiences and pass along some resources in the hopes that we could help others — as well as ourselves — along the way. I think we have had some success with that, and all of you are to be thanked for your contributions and viewpoints.
For Linda and myself, our affair recovery continues. Who ever said that recovering from an affair is a roller coaster ride was not exaggerating one bit.
We will go through periods where things couldn’t get any better, and then a week later you would think we were just a week after D-day.
This has been a powerfully painful emotional struggle that will continue, though it does get easier as time goes on.
Dr. Bob Huizenga says that it can take 2-4 years to recover from an affair (visit his site). I venture to guess that many people can get over a death of a loved one in less time.
On the positive side of things, Linda and I have reinvented our marriage to a point where our love is at an all time level. I would say even more in love than when we got married.
We appreciate each other in many ways and truly enjoy being with each other on a daily basis. We are also much more physical with each other. Not just sexually, but also hugging, holding hands, cuddling on the couch, etc.
We have learned to communicate our wants, needs, feelings and desires much better than we ever used to do. We don’t back off from confrontation with each other anymore, but we do “fight fair.” I can still work a little on suppressing my frustrations when Linda wants to talk about the affair, but I have become much more patient and understanding when she feels the need to do so.
We have become much more in tune with each other’s needs. We work all the time at doing things for each other – and they may just be little things – in order to fulfill each other’s most important emotional needs. It is important to us that we never fall back into that emotionally sterile rut that we existed in prior to my emotional affair. We even check with each other periodically to make sure that we are still on track in this area.
As Linda and I build on the positives and move forward, in my opinion our biggest struggle is to find a way for Linda to totally overcome the pain she feels from my falling in love with another woman. She battles the emotions and insecure feelings from that everyday. In hindsight, what I thought was real love was more infatuation, but it is very painful for her nonetheless.
Though she trusts that I will not have another affair, she has troubles at times believing that I truly love her and that I didn’t just “settle” for her.
Convincing her that is not the case has been a challenge to say the least.
We both realize that it will take time for her to heal completely, though sometimes she doubts she can do it. She has acknowledged that I’m doing all the right things and trying hard, but has asked me to be patient and continue to help her in this battle. And of course I am willing to do so.
She also will battle against certain “affair triggers” every now and then, but all in all, she has done a good job in learning how to minimize their effects. As you can imagine, sometimes this blog is one big trigger for her, but she manages it well for the most part, and it continues to be therapeutic for her in many ways.
For me, I feel that I have learned a tremendous amount about Linda, myself and relationships over the past 12 months. I realize the emotional traits and character flaws in me that caused me to have the emotional affair. I was selfish, immature and irresponsible.
I have grown a lot over the last year and will continue to do so.
I need to continue to work on following the path to inner discovery; really understanding what makes Doug tick, and to grasp ways to continue to move in a positive direction both mentally and physically.
At the same time I must continue on the path I’m on as far as supplying Linda with what she needs to completely heal from my infidelity. Patience, understanding, honesty, transparency, empathy, sympathy, loving, caring, helping, are just some of the components that come to mind.
Sometimes I need a little punch to the head to remind me that these are the highest priorities right now, and that everything else is of secondary importance. At the same time, I must remind myself that though I’m over the affair, Linda still has a ways to go to get over it.
It is amazing to me how I can know someone for over 30 years and take for granted many of her qualities and strengths, as well as her faults.
I always knew that Linda was talented, creative, giving, intelligent and a hell of a mother among many other things, but this past year has opened my eyes and made me appreciate her more and the fact that she is a remarkable and strong woman with an innate ability to relate to other people and to truly and honestly help them with their problems.
She often says that she could be a great relationship coach and write a book, and I firmly believe that she should because she has so much to offer people in need of her expertise gained from her experiences. So you may just see a coaching program and a book introduced at some point in the near future.
As for the future of this blog, we intend to continue blogging about our experiences and offering helpful resources as always, though perhaps a little less often.
With the kick-off of the Affair Recovery Group just a few weeks away, Linda and I, along with Jeff Murrah (visit his site) must create a ton of content for those who join.
There are only so many hours in the day, so we anticipate the need to cut back on the blog posts a bit.
The Affair Recovery Group is an exciting leap for us, as we plan on taking the recovery process to a new level, and with that we should gain new incite and knowledge along the way.
This group format will not only help the members involved a great deal, but us as well. There is real therapeutic value in researching, writing about, teaching and discussing various ideas and techniques to recovering from infidelity. We encourage any of you who are struggling with affair recovery to check out the Affair Recovery Group.
As the name of our blog suggest, it has been a journey this past year, and it’s a journey that is not yet complete. As the saying goes this is a “marathon not a sprint.” Much like the marathon runner who trains hard every day for that tortuous race, we must also work hard everyday on our affair recovery so that one day we can actually look back on this and realize there can be much to gain from all the pain.
Thank you all once again for being a part of our lives!
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What Stops Your Affair Recovery From Happening?
Are you concerned that you may not be able to heal from infidelity? Is your affair recovery on hold?
If you’ve been going through affair recovery for a while now, you may be asking yourself these questions and others. When you find it difficult or even impossible to move past the pain, you start to doubt your ability to heal as a couple. If this continues for months or years, you may seriously consider ending the relationship altogether.
You might be experiencing a worsening of the situation as you are months after D-day. As a result, you feel worse than you felt before.
Before you lose hope, I want you to pay attention to this content. Chances are you’ve been missing some steps in the healing process that are crucial to your ability to heal as a couple.
Let’s see what these are.
The Concern
The question below represents the concerns of many of you who struggle with affair recovery. Your worry may vary from “we’re six months after the infidelity or the revelation of the infidelity” to “we’re twenty years after the revelation”. But one thing keeps repeating and it’s the fact that instead of things getting better with time, they become worse and worse.
Here’s the question I relate to in this blog post:
“Hi Idit. My case is a little different than most in this group. I was cheated on five years ago and stayed with my husband. Lately, I feel that instead of time doing its own thing and helping me with the healing, the exact opposite is happening. It’s been five years and I feel the pain worse than ever. I can’t seem to get over it and seriously considering leaving my husband. It would mean leaving a marriage of nineteen years and three children. I feel helpless and unable to resurface this with my husband as it has been so long and he doesn’t understand why all of a sudden it became an issue.
What is going on? Isn’t time supposed to heal the wound?”
The 3 Components of Affair Recovery
Let me try to answer this specific question, but I think it will give an answer as to why people can’t seem to heal after infidelity. As I see it, there are three components that make a difference in the ability to heal after infidelity.
Following a Healing Roadmap:If we’re talking about time as a healing factor, I believe time does heal, but, it really depends on what you do in this time. Just waiting for things to heal does not help. Actually, it might make things worse. So sometimes you seem to be able to heal, but then BOOM it resurfaces. And when it resurfaces, it’s usually a very strong feeling to the point that people feel like, “I don’t know if I can continue being in this marriage.
Unfaithful Partner’s Part:This component is the ability of the betraying partner to take a big part in the healing process.
Staying in Full Context:The ability of the couple to view the infidelity as one aspect of their relationship in the context of other things, other aspects and layers in the relationship.
It’s a very specific way of looking at things. This usually applies to cases where the unfaithful partner takes responsibility and becomes part of the healing process.
Following a Healing Roadmap
The way I see it, and I don’t think it’s just the way I see it, it’s the way most therapists who specialize in helping couples after infidelity see things. We see the healing as a 3-phase period. So the three phases of healing the way that I relate to them and call them are: rebalance, reattach, and restart. And I will talk more about each one in a second. But the one thing that you have to do if you want to be able to heal is to understand that there is no skipping. Many couples who haven’t been able to heal are those who we later find out they skipped phase one and two and jumped all the way to phase three. Usually it was way too soon.
Let’s see what the phases are.
Phase 1: Rebalance
Basically, in this phase we rebalance the crisis and that’s the first stage right after you find out about the infidelity.
Definitely this phase is a crisis phase. This where all the feelings are all over the place: conflicting feelings like “I love you” and “I hate you”, or “I want to save this relationship, but I also want a divorce”, “I’m hopeful, but I have no hope”, “I know you, but I don’t know you”, and so on and so forth.
Basically, what we’re trying to do in this phase is to balance the crisis. Certain things need to happen in this phase that will help rebalance and one of them is ending the affair.
Step 1:
Many people say, “Oh, yeah, I ended it. It’s not happening anymore,” but when we go in to check, “what did you do to end the affair?” we see that it wasn’t done in a responsible meaningful way to both partners. So just erasing the affair partner from your social media and blocking them on your phone usually doesn’t do the trick, at least not to your partner. And if you want to hear more about how to do that, you should absolutely listen to episode 12 where I talk about how to do that and there is also a freebie in that episode that will take you through the stages of ending an affair in the right way.
Step 2:
Another step in the rebalance phase is learning or relearning to trust again. I’m not talking about full trust. If there would be 100% trust, which, by the way, would never exist or shouldn’t, but let’s say we have from 0 to 100 and it went back all the way to 0 after the revelation of the affair, then i’m talking about gaining 5%-10%. Certain things need to happen so you’ll be able to trust a little bit to be able to continue. Regaining the trust continues to happen throughout all the three phases. It’s not a one time thing.
Step 3:
Another step in this phase is expression of remorse by the unfaithful partner. It may sound simple, you know, you’ve said “I’m sorry,” but it usually doesn’t work like this. If you want to learn more on how to express remorse, go to episode 44. I think you will find out that expressing remorse may be a little bit different than what you initially thought it is.
Phase 2: ReattachThis phase has its own steps within, but the basic idea is to be able to reconnect or communicate in a way that allows certain conversations to happen.
You need to communicate in order in order to make sense of why all of this happened. Actually, many hurt partners who are stuck being unable to heal often say “I don’t understand why. Why he/she did it,”. This is where I say, “You probably skipped the reattach phase.” And if you want to learn more about how you can understand why then you should look at episode 39 which is all about understanding why and asking the right questions.
This is the restart button phase, the closing one chapter and the opening of a new one. This is where you create new rules, you regain intimacy, and you prevent relapse. So many going through affair recovery and they’re in the crisis phase, the only thing they can think of to solve the problem is moving on. They say “Let’s close that ugly chapter. Let’s put the past in the past. Let’s forgive and forget and move on and open a new chapter,”.
This is great, but if you don’t go through all the steps and phases and you just jump or zoom through everything expecting to restart, you are not going to be able to fully heal, unfortunately.
So, the number one difference between those who can recover and those who can’t is skipping. Those who can recover go through the healing phases and steps without skipping. And those who can’t recover usually find that they skipped at leas one phase in the process.
Unfaithful Partner’s Part
Let’s talk about the second component of why couples can or can’t recover.
Couples that can recover, usually, the betraying partner will understand they have to carry a large load, responsibility, of the relationship’s healing. They usually are the partners who understand and believe that the healing should be done together.
So, those are the partners that once they realize that they’re a big part of the healing process, will suggest either going to therapy together, or reading a book about healing together, or doing an online course together. As you probably noticed, the together is there and the responsibility is there.
Responsibility Is Huge
And I’m even going to take one step beyond and say that those who take more responsibility for the healing than their partners usually do better versus those who can’t seem to heal.
On the other end, we have the betraying partners who see the hurt partner’s pain as something that they can’t help with. They see it as something beyond their ability to understand, be present with, and heal. And usually, they will be the ones that send their hurt partners to figure it out alone.
PTSD Is Real After Infidelity
I can’t tell you how many hurt partners call me and say, “I’ve been cheated on and I’m experiencing all these crazy symptoms of PTSD and my partner is telling me that I have to do something about it. they’re really concerned about me. Can you help me?” And when I say, “I can help you. Would you come in with your partner?” They say, “No, my partner said that I need to be in therapy and do something about it,” as if there’s a pill or as if there is some relaxation exercises that you can do to get rid of those things.
This is usually not evil thinking. It can make sense if I’m thinking as a person who is going through this. If you’re the betraying partner and you see your partner going through hell.
They are exhibiting symptoms of PTSD and those can be having awful dreams, intrusive thoughts, being hyper vigilant, etc. So you see you partner really suffering. And whatever you’re doing isn’t helpful to them because for some reason, you feel like, “I can’t help my partner. It feels like it’s bigger than me.” And then, the first thing that you think, “I can’t see that anymore. It’s really terrible. Let me send them to someone who can help.”
Why it All Makes Sense
So this is usually where it’s coming from and I know it usually doesn’t come from a place of not wanting the healing. I think it comes from a place of wanting the healing, but hoping that your partner can fix the problem with outside help. And this is where the mistake is. If this is what you’re experiencing, then just know that sending your partner away to heal most likely will not solve the problem. In certain cases, it may solve it for a while, but then it may resurface in an even worse way.
Again, I really believe that people don’t do that because they are bad or mean to harm.
I think that both skipping through the stages of healing and sending your partner to be healed by themselves come from a very logical place. It’s very hard to be in crisis mode and there is so much time you can handle being in it. And for the betraying partners, it makes perfect sense to tell their partners, “Let’s leave the past in the past. You know, it was a mistake. Let’s close that chapter.” It also sensible to the hurt partner to do the same thing, so they usually will go along with it because in their mind they say, “How long am I going to be in that stage? How long can my body take this pain? I need to do something to make it go away.” Therefore, the first thing they think of is, “Let’s close that chapter. Let me stop thinking about it or let me go to a therapist and do some individual therapy to get rid of these intrusive thoughts.”
Staying in Full Context
The third component talks about couples who are able to see their relationship and their partners in full context and not only through the eyes of infidelity.
Usually, it doesn’t happen immediately after the revelation. After the revelation, or in the crisis mode, or at least in the beginning of that crisis mode, I don’t expect people to see anything but the infidelity. But then, once we go into the second phase, this is where I look for people to see the rest of the of relationship, the richness of it, and the rest of their partner’s components other than being a cheater.
Normally, those who are able to recover, are those who pretty quickly are able to see that there is more to the relationship than what happened to you. And again, in these cases, I only include infidelity cases where there is no emotional abuse or lack of remorse. I’m not talking about the serial cheaters. That would make it very difficult for any partner to see anything but that. It’s a total breach of trust.
The Holistic View Is Key
This component has to do with how the hurt partner is able to see the relationship. Are they able to see their unfaithful partner’s other characteristics? Are they able to see the wealth of their relationship not only through the eyes of mistrust, infidelity, cheating, and breaching trust? Those who are able to see that as well as the infidelity are more likely to recover versus hurt partners who seem to not be able to relate to anything not through the eyes of infidelity.
Some of what hurt partners tell their betraying partners in these cases sounds like this: “I cannot trust anything that comes out of your mouth,” or “I don’t know who you are anymore.” And if this keeps on happening after a while, there is a chance that this couple will not be able to heal as expected.
Action Plan
I hope these three components make sense to you and I’m sure that at this point you have some questions. One can be “How do you make sure to go through all the stages and the steps? First, I think that after reading this, you are more aware of it which I think is most important. Being aware that there is a roadmap you can follow. Secondly, if you do go to therapy, now that you are more educated about the phases, make sure your therapist informs you of their way of working with infidelity. Make sure you’re working with someone that is able to tell you their plan of helping you with your affair recovery journey.
Another thing you could do to make sure that you are going through the stages is educating yourself.
You could educate yourself through books. There are a lot of self help books that talk specifically about healing after infidelity. One really great book that has a lot of these components is called ‘After the Affair’ Janis Abrahams Spring.
Taking a coaching Program
Lastly, I know that there aren’t many out there, but online affair recovery programs are a wonderful solution. Especially for those who still want to make sure they go through the phases and steps, but need a hands-on solution. I’ve been researching the market for healing after infidelity online courses because I noticed that it is a needed element. Sometimes, people don’t want to do therapy for infidelity for their own reasons. Others simply can’t find the exact support that they’re looking for in couples counseling or even in a a book. That is why an infidelity recovery program can be the perfect solution.
I took it upon myself to create and offer that solution to couples who are committed to staying together and healing from this crisis. My infidelity recovery program It’s Okay To Stay® offers full support through an 8-week coaching program. You can expect an effective healing roadmap that gets you the result you need – a loving and trusting relationship.
Visit my Infidelity Recovery Program page to learn more and apply for a complimentary 45-minute Zoom consultation with me.
If you have any questions or you want to make sure our programs fit your needs, please schedule a free phone consultation or all our office at 305-507-9955.
“After my husband's infidelity, I've been living in hell for a year and a half”
69,272
Question for an expertChange
A year and a half ago I found out about my husband's infidelity. I used to feel that his attitude towards me had changed, but I thought it was because of illness, problems at work. Yes, because of anything else, but not because of treason. I thought it was simply impossible for us. But life made its own adjustments, and my life turned into hell.
What I experienced and what I live with now, those who faced this disaster know. This is a huge loss, a betrayal, my self-esteem has fallen, I keep asking myself questions: why? Why in my family? Why is she better than me? My pain is indescribable, it haunts me and does not allow me to fully live for a year and a half. It's not easy for my husband either. He also suffers, saying that he has feelings for that woman. He is the director of a small firm, she is his subordinate. After a difficult divorce, she began dating my husband. We discussed the future many times, decided to save the family. My husband said he loves me, but not like before. We either live in harmony, or the husband closes in on himself again. Intuition tells him that he is thinking about her again. We talk again, sort things out. I repeatedly asked his mistress to quit. The husband promised, but so far nothing has changed. Now we do not talk and sleep in different rooms. nine0003
Ekaterina, 42 years old
Everyone understands infidelity differently, and here I have a question for you: when your husband closes and your intuition says that he thinks about her, what does this mean to you? Now you are writing, you have another crisis, what is it? The tone of the letter gives the impression that your husband's betrayal is still in the present for you.
Do you know what needs to happen for it to end? Who and what should be done so that you exhale and tell yourself that everything is in the past, now we can start building a new relationship with our husband? Why didn't this happen during this time? nine0003
I understand your pain. I think it is from her that the desire is born to explain to herself that her husband is also a victim. But this whole situation is primarily his mistake, he put himself in an awkward position, firstly, because it’s not worth sleeping with subordinates at all, vertical relationships make it difficult for someone who occupies a lower position in the hierarchy of power to refuse, and secondly secondly, because now he cannot get out of this situation without getting dirty: “I won’t sleep with you anymore, my wife is against it, let’s quit my company,” sounds strange. nine0003
I can also understand your anger towards that woman, it is based on the desire to justify your husband, as this supports your desire for him, he still remains a good person for you.
It's probably an important job for you to justify it for the preservation of the family. But in general, he has a family and obligations to you and children, and that woman, she, in fact, is free, divorced, did not make promises to anyone.
Somehow the field of your relationship is developing in such a way that others correct his mistake: you worry and still can’t let go of your feelings, and his employee, who is free and who is satisfied with her work, for some reason must quit. In this story, your husband's area of responsibility eludes me, what he does in order to save the family, if the family is of value to him. As long as you feel like the triangle continues, it will be strange if you feel better. nine0003
But you write that the story lasts a year and a half. This is a huge time frame. How long will your reserve of emotional strength last? If the triangle continues, are you ready for a breakup? I think this is the key question. Because the task of saving the family is now yours as much as your husband's.
And it seems to me that, justifying him and feeling only pain, you still cannot save your family alone, without his steps.
You have suffered losses: self-esteem, trust in a loved one, so who and how will restore security and trust in relationships, how do you know that your self-esteem can grow again? It seems that the situation is not conducive to this. Now it boils down to the fact that you continue to feel pain, and the husband’s phase of peace and harmony with you is replaced by a phase of alienation and coldness. You say that he is ready to save the family, but what exactly should be done? And if this is not done, then how long are you willing to wait: a year? two? what about five years? nine0003
Feel this time frame and try to find clear criteria for what needs to happen in order for your relationship to last. And decide for yourself what you will do if no changes occur within the selected time.
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1.5 years after the betrayal of husband
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5
Few people do not pass through such a family life
as he behaves as behaves husband? repents? changed? nine0003
You need to slander work on errors
#6
Guest
Put a point in the past, live this
Few people will not pass through such a family life
as does the husband behave? repents? changed?
you need to work on the mistakes together
#7
Guest
Cheating can be forgiven, but not forgotten.
I've been living with this for two years now. My husband has already repented a hundred times, but this does not make it any easier for me. I would advise you to contact a good psychologist or even a psychotherapist. Your condition is on the verge of psychosis. Calls to another woman, soul-searching, some not very adequate actions ... And you have a small child. Well, if I'm wrong, but it seems to me that you yourself will not get out of this state. 1.5 years is enough time to let go of the situation. And you couldn't. Or get divorced. Although, judging by your behavior, you love your husband and do not want to leave him. nine0003
#8
You don't deserve a normal husband.
#9
gg90 8
I think that he still communicates with her.
What man can stand being kicked out of the house like a puppy?
You don't deserve a normal husband's attitude.
#10
gg90 8
I think that he still communicates with her. What man can stand being kicked out of the house like a puppy? nine0003
You don't deserve a normal husband.
Guest
ghg90 8I think that he still communicates with her. What man can stand being kicked out of the house like a puppy?
You don't deserve a normal relationship with your husband.
#11
Guest
gg90 8I think that he still communicates with her. What man can stand being kicked out of the house like a puppy?
You don't deserve a normal relationship with your husband.
#12
Guest
ghg90 8I think he still communicates with her.
What man can stand being kicked out of the house like a puppy? nine0003
You don't deserve a normal husband's attitude. If so, the author's husband has a whole gamut of feelings on the side - love, sympathy, communication... And she herself cheated once without feelings, with someone else, so the betrayal did not bring satisfaction.
#13
You know, watch the movie Sex and the City 2008. Stif cheated on Miranda and how they overcame it, in my opinion is very similar to your situation.
#14
Lena
You know, my mother once told me: even if he cheats on him, the main thing is to provide for his family. For some reason, these words made me feel better, although of course I'm probably not as jealous as you. And you know, I don’t allow myself to climb on his phone, it’s better for me not to know about treason, although my husband will deny everything, even if you catch him in bed.
You know, watch the movie Sex and the City in 2008. Stif cheated on Miranda and how they overcame it, in my opinion it is very similar to your situation. nine0003
#15
#16
DEP PURPLE
. half a year before his betrayal) and cheated on him that night. - You "revenge" - the score is 1: 1, what claims to your husband, you remember his betrayal with horror, and your own - with joy.
#17
Lena
You know, my mother once told me: even if he cheats on him, what will be erased, the main thing is that he provides for his family. For some reason, these words made me feel better, although of course I'm probably not as jealous as you.
And you know, I don’t allow myself to climb on his phone, it’s better for me not to know about treason, although my husband will deny everything, even if you catch him in bed.
You know, watch the movie Sex and the City in 2008. Stif cheated on Miranda and how they overcame it, in my opinion it is very similar to your situation. nine0003
#18
Norushka
Guest put an end to the past, live in the present
few people do not go through such things like a husband behaves in family life
900? repents? changed? you need to work on the mistakes together Yes, he has changed. But I can’t change, at the slightest quarrel I remember this and reproach him. I was wrong, constantly kicking him out of my apartment. But I don’t know how to cope, at least not to remember what happened at the slightest quarrel ... I set myself up in advance that I changed it once, change it again.
nine0003
And for my part, if they tried to drive me at least once, it would be the end. I'm not a dog, and the dog breeder didn't bother me.
#19
no
It's a pity that people like your mother have such an attitude. That's why our men are unbelted to the limit, and the dirt is continuous in life, that betrayal is already the norm - because of such "wise" women.
#20
#21
#22
Norushka
Only sex.
I have no words to describe your moral character, Author.
Not only do you muffle the pain with sex (for the first time I hear that sex is meant for this).
Always chase him out of YOUR apartment.
Who are you, the princess and the pea?..
Something makes me sick of you. nine0003
You fool, what you fought for, you ran into.
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#23
Now sit in your apartment, and with a child, alone.
What to say? Stupid!
#24
Norushka
Why do you think that he communicates with her?0003
What can I say, I've already caught up, now you remember... Not long left.
#27
And how would he feel introducing you to another.
Well, it would be nice to have a saint. who cannot change - she would have worried less. And it was your mistake - never kick out your beloved husband during a quarrel. Your husband is out of luck. you kick him out, and then he has to crawl towards you and says that without you he will die.
What a mockery of a man, of the father of his child.
Is he your dog? You are a bad person, noushka.
#28
Invented stories
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I am infuriated with my children and grandchildren .
.. 1 003 Answer
- 904 904 that all property is registered to children
826 answers
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Such a salary - I don't want to work
557 answers
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A lie 22 years long. How to destroy?
822 answers
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Husband left, 2 months of depression... How will you cope if you are left all alone? August 08, 2012, 11:36 am
And how would he feel, imagining you with another. nine0003
Well, it would be nice to be a saint. who cannot change - she would have worried less. And it was your mistake - never kick out your beloved husband during a quarrel. Your husband is out of luck. you kick him out, and then he has to crawl towards you and says that without you he will die.
What a mockery of a man, of the father of his child.
Is he your dog? You are a bad person, noushka.
#30
SJO
Don't you think, Rorushka, that you are two-faced? nine0003
How would he feel when he introduces you to someone else.
Well, it would be nice to have a saint. who cannot change - she would have worried less. And it was your mistake - never kick out your beloved husband during a quarrel. Your husband is out of luck. you kick him out, and then he has to crawl towards you and says that without you he will die.
What a mockery of a man, of the father of his child.
Is he your dog? You are a bad person, noushka.
#31
So why are you tormented by his betrayals? Apparently you just have a very bad relationship and you transfer all the negativity to him.
Kicked out - start your life. Returned - not a word about the past and forward to the future. You are not a saint either.
#32
Guest
years 3-4 then it will become easier, and you will stop thinking, I judge by myself, for 2 years, but I also think forever(
change, but all this is disgusting .
.... the only plus, I myself realized some of my mistakes, yes, at that time everything was bad in our relationship somehow, he was on his own, I was on my own ... that's what it all led to. Now it's like a second wind has opened ... everywhere together, everything has become good, of course it rolls sometimes .... When I see a pimply girl, I always pay his attention and tell him ... how could you have such a pimply lick and kiss...fu...Now he's disgusted, but before he was going to leave, he says there was some kind of veil in front of his eyes....The idiot saw the light....You don't need to feel sorry for them, they will sit on your head later, I took pity on him at one time, but what did I get in return ... now let him feel sorry for me and blow off the dust particles ... my time has come ...
#33
Tuska
The same thing, 1.5 years have passed, I always remember, she was pockmarked, I have disgust for all pockmarked, and I generally hate the name Anya .
... Husband, I’m also harassing, now I’ve begun to calm down a little, but it’s still hard ... At first I wanted to change it myself, but all this is disgusting ..... the only plus, I myself realized some of my mistakes, yes, at that time everything was bad in our relationship somehow, he was on his own, I was on my own on my own... that's what it all led to. Now it’s like a second wind has opened up ... everywhere together, everything has become good, of course it rolls sometimes .... When I see a pimply girl, I always pay his attention and tell him ... how could you lick and kiss such a pimply ... fu ... Now he is disgusted, but before he was going to leave, he says there was some kind of veil in front of his eyes .... The idiot has regained his sight ....
You don't need to pity them, they will sit on your head later, I took pity on him at one time, but what did I get in return... now let him pity me and blow off the dust particles... my time has come...
#34
If it repeats again, there will be no return.
#35
And I really agree with that....0003
Tuska
At one time I also created a topic about betrayal, and one person wrote to me ... that a wise woman is the one who will understand the first betrayal and the stupid one who will forgive the second .... because after the second betrayal there will be and third and fifth....
And I really agree with that....
Oxy
Unfortunately, I find myself thinking that I am even worse off. The second year went, but he did not just change, he lived a second life. Repented 10 times. But my heart turned to stone. It hurts so much like it was yesterday, and it's even worse because the mind is already cold, and the awareness is even more painful. It is disgusting to understand that he is ordinary, primitively following lust.
After all, for many years we lived in love and it was sincere, every woman feels it. And now I wanted variety ... I can’t accept that at the moment of lust he stepped on our love, knowing that you won’t return the former trust, he went for it. Apparently he did not like it, but he used it. I am very sorry that he stayed ... Without money, I can not raise children, he is a good father. And to live here out of pity for him (asked to come back like a wet cat) is so bad. And you will not get divorced and vile. I'm always hypocritical. Most disgusting. But I can't think of myself, I have kids and a lot of obligations. nine0003 Now everything is fine, but sometimes I also tell him, it would be easier for me if you went to this pimply ...
New topics we live separately from our husband because of his relatives
9 answers
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The mother-in-law cannot wean herself from a good life and steals from us
9 answers
- 4He began to pester me until my husband saw
7 answers
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Divorce?
6 answers
Now everything is fine, but sometimes I also tell him, it would be easier for me if you went to this pimply ...
#41
Oxy
Girls, my friend says it's been a while. Looks like it will subside. I also listen to songs about love, cry. I watch films about infidelity, as I understand wives. I thought about it and decided not to inflate my resentment. Certainly not faith. The soul seems to be holding the door, not letting in tenderness, faith, or love. But you have to live. And suddenly he really repented and would not do so again. He swears that he was in "oblivion" that I am the best. I really feel sorry for him, he really is to blame, he knows that I have not yet departed. Decided to give it time.
