Stop walking on eggshells book download

Practical Strategies for Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder, Workbook Edition PDF

“Kreger gives an incredible amount of information, yet meets the needs of many types of readers. The anecdotes are memorable, the tasks are engaging, and the structure allows people to read it on an intellectual or emotional level. Most importantly, she has provided a great bridge between the high-level, abstract BPD theories and research and the realities of everyday life.” —Patricia Davis, family member of a person with BPD “The workbook is absolutely extraordinary. It’s a masterpiece and one of a kind. I couldn’t put it down. The Action Steps are right on target. Like Stop Walking on Eggshells, this book is another work of art.” —Rita Closson, M.A. THE Stop Walking on Eggshells WORKBOOK Practical Strategies for Living with Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder RANDI KREGER with james paul shirley, l.m.s.w. New Harbinger Publications, Inc. Publisher’s Note Thispublicationisdesignedtoprovideaccurateandauthoritativeinformationinregardtothesubjectmattercovered. Itissoldwiththe understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books Lyricsfrom“ThisTooWillPass”writtenbyCarrieNewcomer.PublishedbyCARRIENEWCOMERMUSIC/Administered by BUG. All rights reserved. Used by permission. QuotesfromI’mNotSupposedtoBeHerebyRachelReilandarereprintedwithherpermission.PublishedbyEggshellsPress, 2002. Quotes and recommendations from Teresa Whitehurst are printed with her permission. Quotes from Helen S. are printed with her permission. Quotes from Shannon Mike are printed with her permission. Quotes from “Non-guy” are used with his permission. Copyright © 2002 by Randi Kreger New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Avenue Oakland, CA 94609 Cover design by Amy Shoup Edited by Brady Kahn Text design by Tracy Powell-Carlson Paperback: ISBN-10 1-57224-271-X ISBN-13 978-1-57224-271-0 Ebook: ISBN-13: 978-1-57224-715-4 All Rights Reserved Printed in the United States of America New Harbinger Publications’ website address: www. newharbinger.com 10 09 08 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 This book is dedicated to my husband, Robert L. Burko, a man who says he does not believe in unconditional love but gives it nevertheless. His love, acceptance, and willingness to support me and my BPD work over these past years have made this workbook possible and enriched the lives of thousands of people he will never know. Thank you. Hold tight, hold hands with me All is trouble just as far as you can see So here we are and here we stand So we’ll stare it down just to prove that we can And ride it out to the last It’s true, this too will pass. Small comfort when it goes so deep And you roll at night in fitful sleep I’ll tell you what I know As sure as trouble comes Yah, trouble will go I’ll say it though you didn’t ask It’s true, this too will pass. So lay it down, lay it down right here. All your sorrows, all your troubles and your fears. I can’t tell you how it goes this far Or explain why it gets so damn hard Or there are times that shine like jewels And will be all the brighter for what you’ve been through So hold these times tightly clasped It’s true, this too will pass. So out of the darkest place And the hardest times that you’ve ever had to face We’re more tender than some would believe And we still find it hard to ask for what we need But don’t give up too fast It’s true, this too will pass It’s true, this too will pass. —Carrie Newcomer, “This Too Will Pass” Contents Foreword ix Acknowledgments xi Introduction 1 Part 1 From Confusion to Clarity: Understanding BPD Chapter 1 Walking on Eggshells: Does Someone in Your Life Have BPD Traits? 9 Chapter 2 Defining BPD: The DSM-IV and Cognitive Distortions 27 Chapter 3 Defining BPD: The Subtypes 41 Chapter 4 Getting Together: Relationship Behavior Patterns 55 Chapter 5 Brainwashing 101: How BPD Behavior Affects You 71

Stop walking on eggshells : Mason, Paul T., M.S : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive

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by: Mason, Paul T. , M.S; Kreger, Randi

Publication date: 1998

Topics: Borderline personality disorder, Borderline personality disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Borderline persoonlijkheid, Interpersoonlijke relaties

Publisher: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger : Distributed by Publishers Group West

Collection: inlibrary; printdisabled; internetarchivebooks; delawarecountydistrictlibrary; china; americana

Digitizing sponsor: Internet Archive

Contributor: Internet Archive

Language: English

"Taking your life back when someone you care about has borderline personality disorder."

Includes bibliographical references

Walking on eggshells : does someone you care about have BPD? -- The inner world of the borderline : defining BPD -- Making sense out of chaos : understanding BPD behavior -- Living in a pressure cooker : how BPD behavior affects non-BPs -- Making changes within yourself -- Understanding your situation : setting boundaries and developing skills -- Asserting your needs with confidence and clarity -- Developing a safety plan -- Protecting children from BPD behavior -- Waiting for the next shoe to drop : your borderline child -- Lies, rumors, and accusations : distortion campaigns -- What now? : making decisions about the relationship

"This comprehensive and supportive self-help guide helps family and friends of individuals with BPD understand this self-destructive disorder and learn what they can do to cope with BPD behavior and take care of themselves. "--Cover

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Boxid_2: Ch201901

Camera: Canon EOS 5D Mark II

City: Oakland, CA

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Donor: marincountyfreelibrary

External-identifier: urn:oclc:record:1036950942
urn:lcp:stopwalkingonegg00maso:lcpdf:f4a182d7-b828-4e2c-aadf-df4e7a0051bc
urn:lcp:stopwalkingonegg00maso:epub:e7404c06-da9f-4729-9708-6a0d4f492b2a

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Stop walking on eggshells. Living with Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder read online Randy Kroeger, Paul Mason (Page 4)

Randy Kroeger

Part 1

Understand Borderline Behavior

Chapter 1

Eggshell Walking: Does your loved one have BPD?

After fifteen years of marriage, I could not understand what I was doing wrong. I studied books, talked to doctors and psychologists, read articles and discussed what was happening with friends. Spent fifteen years wondering, worrying and believing that what she said about me was true. I doubted myself, I was in so much pain, but I didn't realize why.

But one day I found the answers I had been looking for on the Internet and cried with relief. With no chance of persuading my loved one to seek help, at least now I know what is going on and why. It's not my fault. Now I know the truth0005
from Welcome to Oz

www.BPDCentral.com

Will this book suit you?

♦ Does the person you care about cause pain?

♦ Do you hide your thoughts and feelings for fear of getting a sharp reaction from a loved one or because the game is not worth the candle, there is no desire to unleash a quarrel and provoke additional pain?

♦ Do you feel like everything you say will be turned on its head and used against you? Do you get blamed, criticized for everything that goes wrong in a relationship, even when there is no logic in such accusations?

♦ Do you become the object of violent or irrational rage, replaced by a normal, loving attitude? And no one believes when you talk about what's going on?

♦ Does it seem to you that a loved one either puts him on a pedestal or considers him bad in everything - without intermediate options? Does it happen that there is no rational explanation for switching from one relationship to another?

♦ Are you afraid to start talking about your relationship because you will be accused of being too demanding or convinced that something is wrong with you? Do you feel like your needs don't matter?

. ..

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, lied to? Do you feel like you have been the victim of emotional blackmail?

♦ Are your views underestimated or denied? Do you feel like the expectations of a loved one are constantly changing in such a way that you can never do anything “right”?

♦ Are you accused of something you didn't do; Do they claim that you said something that you didn't actually say? Do you feel misunderstood, and when you try to explain yourself, you find that you are not believed?

♦ Are you often humiliated? If you are trying to leave a relationship, do they interfere with you: do they say that you are loved; whether they promise to change; threatened openly or implicitly? Are you looking for excuses for the behavior of a loved one to convince yourself that everything is in order?

If you answered yes to many of these questions, we have good news - no, you are not crazy; you are not guilty and you are not alone. Perhaps your feelings are due to the presence of traits associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in a loved one.

...

Are you thinking right now, "I couldn't imagine that someone else was going through the same thing"?

Collected below are the stories of three people who discovered that their loved ones had this disorder. As with all other examples in this book, the stories are based on information shared by members of the virtual support group; however, we have changed many details to keep the identity of the authors confidential.

...

John's story: married to a woman with BPD
Marriage to a person with BPD is heaven turning into hell. My wife's mood can change in a second. Trying to please her and avoid a quarrel because I said something too early, too fast, in the wrong tone or with the wrong expression, I have to walk around her on eggshells.

And even if I do everything the way she wants, they still get angry with me. Once she told me to take the children somewhere, as she decided to be alone. But when we got ready and were already leaving the house, she threw the keys at my head and accused me of hatred for her: so strong that supposedly I could not stay in the same house with her. When the children and I returned from the cinema, she acted as if nothing had happened, and wondered why I was so upset; I must have anger management issues.

But it wasn't always like that. Before we got married, there was a whirlpool of passions between us, an ideal romantic relationship. She extolled me and said that I was perfect for her in everything. The sex was just fantastic. I wrote love poems to her and bought expensive gifts. After several months of courtship, we got engaged, and a year later we were married, having spent ten thousand dollars on a magical honeymoon. But immediately after the wedding, she began to dump mountains of criticism on me for almost no reason, arranged interrogations and hurt me. She accused me of looking at other women, and invented "examples" as evidence. She began to threaten my friends and gradually push them away. She said bad things about my business, my past, my values, my pride, everything about me.

And yet, from time to time, the old one returned, and I was again loved, the best guy on the planet. I still think of her as the smartest, funniest, sexiest woman I've ever known; I love her very much. Our family psychologist believes that she may have BPD, but the wife insists that I alone am to blame for all the problems in our relationship. And he considers the psychologist a charlatan and does not want to go to consultations anymore. How can I persuade her to seek help, which, obviously, she really needs?

You don't go crazy. It is not your fault. You are not alone.

...

Larry's story: how to be a parent of a child with BPD
We realized something was wrong with our adopted son Richard when he was one and a half years old. It was difficult with him, he often cried, he could scream for three hours in a row. At the age of two, he began to have tantrums, which occurred several times a day and sometimes lasted for hours. The pediatrician simply said: "Boys, what can you take from them." When Rich was seven, we found a note in his room in which he promised to kill himself as soon as he turned eight. An elementary school teacher referred us to a local psychiatrist, who advised us to make our son's life more structured and consistent. We tried positive reinforcement, strict love, and even changed his diet. Nothing helped.

In high school, Rich constantly lied, got caught stealing, skipped classes, and experienced uncontrollable rages. When he tried to commit suicide, started cutting himself and threatened to kill us, the police had to be involved. Every time we scolded him for something or sent him to a room, he called the “hot line” for abused children. The son manipulated teachers, family members and even the police. He could be very quick-witted and charismatic, captivating those around him with his wit, smile and sense of humor. All psychologists were at first sure that we were to blame for his behavior. And when another specialist revealed the deception, Rich refused to communicate with him. The new psychologists did not bother to study the records in his personal file, which gradually turned into a thick book.

Finally, after Rich began to threaten a teacher at school, he was briefly referred to a psychotherapy center. On several occasions, we were told that he was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder due to some unknown traumatic experience. One psychiatrist said Rich had "depression and a psychotic disorder." A lot of people said he was just a bad person. After four hospitalizations, the insurance company denied us service. And the hospital said he was too sick to go home. The local psychiatrist advised us to go to court to have us declared incapable of coping with parental responsibilities. Somehow, we managed to find the government-sponsored hospital where Rich was first diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He was prescribed various medicines, although the doctors did not have much hope for a cure.

Rich managed to finish school and go to college, but it turned out to be a disaster. He is already 23 years old, but in terms of maturity he resembles an 18-year-old. It has gotten easier with age, but he is still terribly afraid of being abandoned, cannot maintain long-term relationships, and has changed four jobs in two years. He makes friends and loses them quickly because he acts arrogant, abusive, self-confident, constantly manipulating others. Because of this, he is dependent on us financially and emotionally. And he has no one else.

...

Ken's story: how to live with a parent who has BPD
Mother's love for me was not unconditional. When I didn't do what I was supposed to do - housework, etc. - she flew into a rage and said that I was a terrible child who would never have friends. But when she needed love herself, she suddenly became tender, hugged me and said how close we were. It was never possible to predict what mood she would be in.

If my mother felt that someone was taking up too much of my time and energy, she was filled with contempt. She was even jealous of Snoopy, our dog. I always thought that I was doing something wrong or that I was somehow wrong.

Mother took upon herself the responsibility of correcting me and constantly told me where I should change. There was always something wrong with me: with my hair, my friends, my mannerisms, my attitude. To justify her claims, she often exaggerated and even lied. When her father objected to her, she simply waved him off - her own rightness was above all for her. For many years I tried to live up to her expectations, but I did not succeed, because they constantly changed. My mother always criticized me harshly, and I got used to it. Now it’s difficult for me to get close to people, I can’t completely trust anyone, even my wife. Feeling a special closeness to her, at the same time I unwittingly prepare for the inevitable collision with subsequent rejection. If she does not do anything that could be called rejection, I myself push her away, for example, I start to get angry because of the nonsense. My mind understands what is happening, but I can not stop.

Stop walking on eggshells: living with someone with borderline personality disorder

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Toxic relationships: what it is and how to get out of this trap

Do you feel your partner controls you, tries to control you, cheats regularly? Do you periodically find yourself being the target of intense, violent, and irrational anger for no reason? Do you feel like you are "walking on eggshells" to avoid the next confrontation or conflict?
If your answer to these questions is "yes", then your partner most likely has borderline personality disorder. This book has helped nearly half a million people who have friends or family members suffering from borderline personality disorder. With it, you can understand its signs, set boundaries, and help your loved ones stop engaging in dangerous behavior.

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Toxic relationships: what it is and how to get out of this trap

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Pros

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There are BPD criteria that are described with real life examples
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