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How to get over the death of your dog


Coping with the death of your pet

When a person you love dies, it's natural to feel sorrow, express grief, and expect friends and family to provide understanding and comfort.

Unfortunately, you don't always get that understanding when a pet dies. Some people still don't understand how central animals can be in people's lives, and a few may not get why you're grieving over "just a pet."

Members of the family

We know how much pets mean to most people. People love their pets and consider them members of their family. Caregivers often celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So when a beloved pet dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your sorrow.

Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love. If you understand and accept this bond between humans and animals, you've already taken the first step toward coping with pet loss: knowing that it is okay to grieve when your pet dies.

Finding ways to cope with your loss can bring you closer to the day when memories bring smiles instead of tears.

Honor your pets memory by creating a memorial fundraiser. myHumane

The grief process

The grief process is as individual as the person, lasting days for one person, years for another. The process typically begins with denial, which offers protection until individuals can realize their loss.

Some caregivers may try bargaining with a higher power, themselves, or even their pet to restore life. Some feel anger, which may be directed at anyone involved with the pet, including family, friends, and veterinarians. Caregivers may also feel guilt about what they did or did not do; they may feel that it is inappropriate for them to be so upset.

After these feelings subside, caregivers may experience true sadness or grief. They may become withdrawn or depressed. Acceptance occurs when they accept the reality of their loss and remember their animal companion with decreasing sadness.

Coping with grief

While grief is a personal experience, you need not face your loss alone. Many forms of support are available, including pet-bereavement counseling services, pet-loss support hotlines, local or online pet-bereavement groups, books, videos, and magazine articles.

Here are a few suggestions to help you cope:

  • Acknowledge your grief and give yourself permission to express it.
  • Don't hesitate to reach out to others who can lend a sympathetic ear. Do a little research online and you'll find hundreds of resources and support groups that may be helpful to you.
  • Write about your feelings, either in a journal or a poem, essay, or short story.
  • Call your veterinarian or local humane society to see whether they offer a pet-loss support group or hotline, or can refer you to one.
  • Prepare a memorial for your pet.

Children

The loss of a pet may be a child's first experience with death. The child may blame themself, their parents, or the veterinarian for not saving the pet. And they may feel guilty, depressed, and frightened that others they love may be taken from them.

Trying to protect your child by saying the pet ran away could cause your child to expect the pet's return and feel betrayed after discovering the truth. Expressing your own grief may reassure your child that sadness is ok and help them work through their feelings.

Seniors

Coping with the loss of a pet can be particularly hard for seniors. Those who live alone may feel a loss of purpose and an immense emptiness. A pet's death may also trigger painful memories of other losses and remind caregivers of their own mortality. What's more, the decision to get another pet is complicated by the possibility that the pet may outlive the caregiver and that the decision to get another pet hinges on the person's physical and financial ability to care for a new pet.

For all these reasons, it's critical that senior pet owners take immediate steps to cope with their loss and regain a sense of purpose.

If you are a senior, try interacting with friends and family, calling a pet-loss support hotline, even volunteering at a local humane society.

Other pets

Surviving pets may whimper, refuse to eat or drink, and suffer lethargy, especially if they had a close bond with the deceased pet. Even if they were not the best of friends, the changing circumstances and your emotional state may distress them. (However, if your remaining pets continue to act out of sorts, there could actually be a medical problem that requires your veterinarian's attention.)

Give surviving pets lots of TLC and try to maintain a normal routine. It's good for them and for you.

Getting another pet

Rushing into this decision isn't fair to you or your new pet. Each animal has their own unique personality and a new animal cannot replace the one you lost. You'll know when the time is right to adopt a new pet after giving yourself time to grieve, considering whether you're ready, and paying close attention to your feelings.

When you're ready, remember that your local animal shelter or rescue is a great place to find your next special friend.

Coping with Losing a Pet

Why does the loss of a pet hurt so much?

Many of us share an intense love and bond with our animal companions. For us, a pet is not “just a dog” or “just a cat,” but rather a beloved member of our family, bringing companionship, fun, and joy to our lives. A pet can add structure to your day, keep you active and social, help you to overcome setbacks and challenges in life, and even provide a sense of meaning or purpose. So, when a cherished pet dies, it’s normal to feel racked by grief and loss.

The pain of loss can often feel overwhelming and trigger all sorts of painful and difficult emotions. While some people may not understand the depth of feeling you had for your pet, you should never feel guilty or ashamed about grieving for an animal friend.

While we all respond to loss differently, the level of grief you experience will often depend on factors such as your age and personality, the age of your pet, and the circumstances of their death. Generally, the more significant your pet was to you, the more intense the emotional pain you’ll feel.

The role the animal played in your life can also have an impact. For example, if your pet was a working dog, service animal, or therapy animal, you’ll not only be grieving the loss of a companion but also the loss of a coworker, the loss of your independence, or the loss of emotional support. If you lived alone and the pet was your only companion, coming to terms with their loss can be even harder. And if you were unable to afford expensive veterinary treatment to prolong your pet’s life, you may even feel a profound sense of guilt.

While experiencing loss is an inevitable part of owning a pet, there are healthy ways to cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and when the time is right, perhaps even open your heart to another animal companion.

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The grieving process after the loss of a pet

Grieving is a highly individual experience. Some people find grief following the loss of a pet comes in stages, where they experience different feelings such as denial, anger, guilt, depression, and eventually acceptance and resolution. Others find that their grief is more cyclical, coming in waves, or a series of highs and lows. The lows are likely to be deeper and longer at the beginning and then gradually become shorter and less intense as time goes by. Still, even years after a loss, a sight, a sound, or a special anniversary can spark memories that trigger a strong sense of grief.

The grieving process happens only gradually. It can't be forced or hurried—and there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others, the grieving process is measured in years. Whatever your grief experience, it's important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold.

Feeling sad, shocked, or lonely is a normal reaction to the loss of a beloved pet. Exhibiting these feelings doesn't mean you are weak or your feelings are somehow misplaced. It just means that you're mourning the loss of an animal you loved, so you shouldn't feel ashamed.

Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it. By expressing your grief, you'll likely need less time to heal than if you withhold or “bottle up” your feelings. Write about your feelings and talk about them with others who are sympathetic to your loss.

Coping with the grief of pet loss

Sorrow and grief are normal and natural responses to death. Like grief for our friends and loved ones, grief for our animal companions can only be dealt with over time, but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. Here are some suggestions:

Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, and don't tell yourself how to feel either. Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it's time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It's okay to be angry, to cry or not to cry. It's also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you're ready.

Reach out to others who have lost pets. Check out online message boards, pet loss hotlines, and pet loss support groups—see the Resources section below for details. If your own friends and family members are not sympathetic about pet loss, find someone who is. Often, another person who has also experienced the loss of a beloved pet may better understand what you're going through.

Rituals can help healing.  A funeral can help you and your family members openly express your feelings. Ignore people who think it's inappropriate to hold a funeral for a pet, and do what feels right for you.

Create a legacy. Preparing a memorial, planting a tree in memory of your pet, compiling a photo album or scrapbook, or otherwise sharing the memories you enjoyed with your pet, can create a legacy to celebrate the life of your animal companion. Remembering the fun and love you shared with your pet can help you to eventually move on.

Look after yourself. The stress of losing a pet can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time. Spend time face to face with people who care about you, eat a healthy diet, get plenty of sleep, and exercise regularly to release endorphins and help boost your mood.

If you have other pets, try to maintain your normal routine.  Surviving pets can also experience loss when a pet dies, or they may become distressed by your sorrow. Maintaining their daily routines, or even increasing exercise and play times, will not only benefit the surviving pets but can also help to elevate your mood and outlook, too.

Seek professional help if you need it. If your grief is persistent and interferes with your ability to function, your doctor or a mental health professional can evaluate you for depression.

Dealing with the loss of a pet when others devalue your loss

One aspect that can make grieving for the loss of a pet so difficult is that pet loss is not appreciated by everyone. Some friends and family may say, “What's the big deal? It's just a pet!” Some people assume that pet loss shouldn't hurt as much as human loss, or that it is somehow inappropriate to grieve for an animal. They may not understand because they don't have a pet of their own or are unable to appreciate the companionship and love that a pet can provide.

  • Don't argue with others about whether your grief is appropriate or not.
  • Accept the fact that the best support for your grief may come from outside your usual circle of friends and family members.
  • Seek out others who have lost pets; those who can appreciate the magnitude of your loss, and may be able to suggest ways of getting through the grieving process.

Tips for seniors grieving the death of a pet

As we age, we experience an increasing number of major life changes, including the loss of beloved friends, family members, and pets. The death of a pet can hit retired seniors even harder than younger adults who may be able to draw on the comfort of a close family, or distract themselves with the routine of work. If you're an older adult living alone, your pet was probably your sole companion, and taking care of the animal provided you with a sense of purpose and self-worth.

Stay connected with friends.  Pets, dogs especially, can help seniors meet new people or regularly connect with friends and neighbors while out on a walk or in the dog park. Having lost your pet, it's important that you don't now spend day after day alone. Try to spend time with at least one person every day. Regular face-to-face contact can help you ward off depression and stay positive. Call up an old friend or neighbor for a lunch date or join a club.

Boost your vitality with exercise. Pets help many older adults stay active and playful, which can boost your immune system and increase your energy. It's important to keep up your activity levels after the loss of your pet. Check with your doctor before starting an exercise program and then find an activity that you enjoy. Exercising in a group—by playing a sport such as tennis or golf, or taking an exercise or swimming class—can also help you connect with others.

Try to find new meaning and joy in life. Caring for a pet previously occupied your time and boosted your morale and optimism. Try to fill that time by volunteering, picking up a long-neglected hobby, taking a class, helping friends, rescue groups, or homeless shelters care for their animals, or even by getting another pet when the time feels right.

Helping children grieve the loss of a pet

The loss of a pet may be your child's first experience of death—and your first opportunity to teach them about coping with the grief and pain that inevitably accompanies the joy of loving another living creature. Losing a pet can be a traumatic experience for any child. Many kids love their pets very deeply and some may not even remember a time in their life when the pet wasn't around. A child may feel angry and blame themselves—or you—for the pet's death. A child may feel scared that other people or animals they love may also leave them. How you handle the grieving process can determine whether the experience has a positive or negative effect on your child's personal development.

Some parents feel they should try to shield their children from the sadness of losing a pet by either not talking about the pet's death, or by not being honest about what's happened. Pretending the animal ran away, or “went to sleep,” for example, can leave a child feeling even more confused, frightened, and betrayed when they finally learn the truth. It's far better to be honest with children and allow them the opportunity to grieve in their own way.

Let your child see you express your own grief at the loss of the pet. If you don't experience the same sense of loss as your child, respect their grief and let them express their feelings openly, without making them feel ashamed or guilty. Children should feel proud that they have so much compassion and care deeply about their animal companions.

Reassure your child that they weren't responsible for the pet's death. The death of a pet can raise a lot of questions and fears in a child. You may need to reassure your child that you, their parents, are not also likely to die. It's important to talk about all their feelings and concerns.

Involve your child in the dying process. If you've chosen euthanasia for your pet, be honest with your child. Explain why the choice is necessary and give the child chance to spend some special time with the pet and say goodbye in their own way.

If possible, give the child an opportunity to create a memento of the pet. This could be a special photograph, or a plaster cast of the animal's paw print, for example.

Allow the child to be involved in any memorial service, if they desire. Holding a funeral or creating a memorial for the pet can help your child express their feelings openly and help process the loss.

Do not rush out to get the child a “replacement pet” before they've had a chance to grieve the loss they feel. Your child may feel disloyal, or you could send the message that the grief and sadness felt when something dies can simply be overcome by buying a replacement.

Making the decision to put a pet to sleep

Deciding to put your animal companion to sleep is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make for your pet. As a loving pet owner, though, the time may come when you need to help your pet make the transition from life to death, with the help of your veterinarian, in as painless and peaceful a way as possible.

Knowing when it's time to put a pet to sleep

Euthanasia for a beloved pet is highly personal decision and usually comes after a diagnosis of a terminal illness and with the knowledge that the animal is suffering badly. Your choices for your pet should be informed by the care and love you feel for the animal. Important things to consider include:

Activity level. Does your pet still enjoy previously loved activities or are they able to be active at all?

Response to care and affection. Does your pet still interact and respond to love and care in the usual ways?

Amount of pain and suffering.  Is your pet experiencing pain and suffering which outweigh any pleasure and enjoyment in life?

Terminal illness or critical injury. Have illness or injury prohibited your pet from enjoying life? Is your pet facing certain death from the injury or illness?

Your family's feelings. Is your family unanimous in the decision? If not, and you still feel it is the best thing for your pet, can you live with the decision that you have to make?

If you do decide that ending the suffering is in your pet's best interest, take your time to create a process that is as peaceful as possible for you, your pet, and your family. You may want to have a last day at home with the pet in order to say goodbye, or to visit the pet at the animal hospital. You can also choose to be present during your pet's euthanasia, or to say goodbye beforehand and remain in the veterinary waiting room or at home. This is an individual decision for each member of the family.

What to expect when putting your pet to sleep

According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, euthanasia for a pet is most often achieved by injection of a death-inducing drug. The veterinarian may administer a tranquilizer first to relax your pet. Following the injection of the euthanasia drug, your pet will immediately become unconscious. Death is quick and painless. Your pet may move its legs or breathe deeply several times after the drug is given, but these are reflexes and don't mean that your pet is in pain or is suffering.

How to explain pet euthanasia to a child

Be honest. Start by explaining that your pet is ill, suffering badly, and that you have the ability to end that suffering in a very humane and gentle way. The injection is a very peaceful and painless process for your pet. Sometimes, when you really love a pet, you have to make these kinds of difficult decisions to spare the animal from more pain and suffering.

  • Children tend to feed off of how their parents react. If you're hysterical or feel it's the wrong decision, your child will likely react in a similar way. If you're sad, and deal with that sadness in a healthy way, your child will follow your example.
  • As long as you're putting your beloved pet to sleep for the right reasons, tell your children that it is OK to feel sad, but there's no need to feel guilty. You should feel sad, and your children can feel the sadness, but don't mix guilt in with the sadness. One emotion is healthy, the other terribly burdensome.

Getting another dog or cat after pet loss

There are many wonderful reasons to once again share your life with a companion animal, but the decision of when to do so is a very personal one. It may be tempting to rush out and fill the void left by your pet's death by immediately getting another pet. In most cases, it's best to mourn the old pet first, and wait until you're emotionally ready to open your heart and your home to a new animal. You may want to start by volunteering at a shelter or rescue group. Spending time caring for pets in need is not only great for the animals, but can help you decide if you're ready to own a new pet.

Some retired seniors living alone may find it hardest to adjust to life without a pet. If taking care of an animal provided you with a sense of purpose and self-worth as well as companionship, you may want to consider getting another pet at an earlier stage. Of course, seniors also need to consider their own health and life expectancy when deciding on a new pet. Again, volunteering to help pets in need can be a good way to decide if you're ready to become a pet owner again.

Helplines and support
  • In the U.S.

    Call the ASPCA Pet Loss Hotline at 877-474-3310

  • In the UK

    Call the Pet Bereavement Support Service at 0800 096 6606.

  • In other countries

    Visit Chance's Spot to find support near you.

Last updated or reviewed on March 28, 2023

How to come to terms with the death of a beloved dog

A dog's age is much shorter than a human's, and sooner or later our pets leave us. How to deal with loss? What to do if the pain of loss is too strong? Recommendations are in the article.

Do not try not to remember

If the dog has lived in the family for a very long time, you should not immediately erase the memories of her from memory. Tears and sadness are perfectly normal reactions to loss, so don't delete your pet's photos and try to get rid of any reminders of your pet.

It takes some time to come to the stage of accepting what happened and coming to terms with the death of a dog. You can be distracted by routine activities, work or friends. Traveling to another city or walking around new places will also help you get a little distracted, relax and recover.

Share your experiences

Some people cannot cope with emotions on their own and sink into deep depression. In this case, conversations with friends or with a psychologist will help. It is important not to be silent and not to experience everything in yourself. It is clear that if a beloved dog has died, then this is not the most comfortable topic for dialogue, but it is necessary to talk.

Acknowledging loss and grief will help you cope with emotions and improve your well-being. Don't be ashamed of how you feel - if your dog was your best friend, it's perfectly normal to feel pain.

Do not blame yourself

Under no circumstances should you take the blame for the death of a pet. Most often, owners remember that they once offended their dog, scolded it undeservedly, did not share a treat, or did not take it to the veterinarian. It is important to remember that every owner does everything he can for a four-legged friend.

When a dog dies, the owners do everything to alleviate its condition, but these actions will not help to avoid the inevitable. They understand everything and worry no less. Do not ignore them - it is important to continue to play with them, love them and protect them.

Even if you can't cope with the loss of a dog right away, this is not a reason to stop walking with other pets. Animals experience stress in the same way, and there is no need to doom them to additional suffering.

Do not start a new dog right away

Even if the owner is sure that he has already coped and accepted his grief, it is worth waiting at least a few months. There is a risk that the new pet will not look like a beloved dead dog at all.

You need to give yourself time to finally come to terms with the loss and return to your old life. Perhaps in a few months it will become easier, and then you can consciously approach the choice of breed. Do not pay attention to those who say "well, it's just a dog, get another one." No, it's not easy, the other will be completely different. But time heals.

Every pet has a very important place in our life. It is extremely difficult to come to terms with his loss, but such is life - all pets leave sooner or later. The memory of him will remain forever.

See also:

  • What should I do if my dog ​​dies?
  • What to tell a child if a cat or dog has died?
  • Guide dog: the story of an amazing rescue
  • From homeless dog to hero: the story of a rescue dog

How to survive the death of a dog - Orthodox magazine "Foma"

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If you are reading this article, surely the pet meant a lot to you - the more difficult it is to survive a breakup. Psychologists say that if there was a close emotional connection between a person and a dog, the pain of her death is comparable to the experience of the death of a loved one.

The owner of a dead dog often encounters misunderstanding, depreciation: "It's just an animal, get another one!" But the heart knows: this way the loss cannot be healed.

And yet, over time, the bitterness of loss must go away, giving way to bright memories. We will talk about what will help to survive the death of a dog.

“Love for pets is part of the love commanded by God to man. The biblical view of animals is simple: they are beautiful creatures of God, but they are arranged in such a way that they are different from humans, - explains priest Sergiy Kruglov. “They, like all earthly nature, are completely obedient to God and the laws according to which He ordered them to exist. The concept of free will, the ability to disobey God and His laws are unknown to them. They are just known to man. It is a person who is truly unclean, capable of sinning and resisting God - just as, however, he is capable of both repenting and being saved.

Just as the Creator once said about His creation “Very well!”, He still loves His creatures, big and small, and just like us, or even worse, He worries when they suffer and rejoices when they rejoice." Therefore, our pain due to the illness or, moreover, the death of a dog, although not comparable with the loss of a loved one, is quite natural and deserves respect.

Tips on how to get over the death of a dog

Tips from a psychologist Daria Savchenko

Everyone has the right to live their grief the way they choose. Keyword: choose. With its help, I want to give more meaning to the process of mourning, to set a person up for the fact that his life is in his hands, even in a difficult situation of losing a loved one.

Psychologists distinguish natural stages of experiencing a significant loss, and we will focus on the main ones in order to legalize the most diverse feelings that may arise in us at the same time and set a guide for healing. However, I repeat: everyone chooses how to go through this path.

| Read also:

How to survive the death of a cat

How to help a child who is acutely experiencing the death of a dog?

Upon learning about the death of a beloved animal, at the first moment a person may experience a shock, refuse to believe that this happened. "It can't be," "It's impossible." This is the stage of negation. It plays the role of protecting our psyche, creates a kind of buffer between us and the harsh reality, where misfortunes are possible, does not allow excessive experiences to flood us.

It is important not to get stuck at this stage, not to go into illusion. If a person walks along the same route that he used to walk with a dog, imagining that his pet is still alive, or even more so buying food and new toys, this may indicate a pathological experience of loss. It is important to seek help from relatives or professionals. You can go to the burial place, read the medical diagnosis, speak out your pain, sharing it with others.

Writing practices can also help. For example, "State Diary". We divide a sheet of paper (it’s better to do it on paper, because when writing words by hand, we also turn on the function of motor response, while when working with a gadget, the entire load falls on our already tired brain) into 4 columns. In the first we describe any event that happened to us during the day, in the second - what thoughts arose in this case, in the third - what feelings we experienced, and, finally, in the fourth - what sensations appeared in the body, you can add a fifth column What action did we take?

  1. When I went outside, I heard a dog barking,
  2. For a moment I thought it was my dog. Then I remembered that he was no more.
  3. I felt very sad and sad.
  4. I felt like crying.
  5. I sat down on a bench and burst into tears.

This practice will help you realize and live your feelings.

From denial, we begin to gradually move towards acceptance of the situation. However, this does not mean at all that it becomes easier for us.

We may find strong negative emotions in ourselves. We can be angry at ourselves (“I didn’t see it, I didn’t save it ...”) and at others (“They didn’t help!”, “They don’t understand how I feel now”). This is the stage of anger. Here you can get carried away looking for the guilty, drown in a thirst for revenge, harm yourself, ruin relationships with others.

For example:

  1. Mom suggested that I clean up my dog's toys and take them to the shelter.
  2. She betrayed the memory of my dog.
  3. I'm terribly angry with her.
  4. Shaking with anger, clenching my fists.
  5. I scream and growl, I threw the phone against the wall.

We have the right to any feelings, but not to any actions. Having recognized the feeling of anger in yourself, try to find a suitable action to defuse it: a loud cry, crying, sports, tearing a piece of paper, sobbing. Try to track your desire to throw your phone at the wall and have time to replace the phone with slippers. Be sure to record your success in your diary. This will help you move on.

Next stage — auction . A person is trying to make a deal, to negotiate with God, with fate, with himself: “If I do this” or “If I never do this again…”, then everything will be as before, will return to its place. Unnecessary rules, obsessive movements may appear. This is the final defense in the process of mourning. Performing this or that action, we ask ourselves why I do it. Does it help me? How else can I help myself? Here you can think about what can be done in memory of a departed animal - not in order to return it (it cannot be returned), but precisely in order to honor its memory. Maybe write a story about him or make a photo album. It's great if several people take part in its compilation.

Then comes the stage of depression. Everything seems meaningless, there is no strength: “I am in a hole and will never get out of here”, “Diaries do not help”. At this stage, a person really encounters grief for the first time, but there really is not much strength left. It's time to gather those that are left and support yourself - on your own or seek help. Consider who in your community you can ask for support. You can even draw a map of your surroundings.

Photo jmpznz Flickr

Take a piece of paper and draw a big circle. In the center of the circle, identify yourself by putting the letter "I", and around place those who are close to you (physically or emotionally). It can be family members, distant relatives, online acquaintances, neighbors, colleagues, even symbolic figures, such as people who are no longer alive, but we can draw on good memories of them and imagine how they would have acted in our situation. Think about which of these people you could ask for help? What exactly could they do for you? Prepare food? Watch a movie with you? Walk together? Most often, people like to help, they just need to be told how.

Having gone through these stages, we gradually learn to live in new circumstances. The sadness of losing a beloved dog has not gone anywhere, but we can recognize it and have learned to be with it. It does not block our actions, we do not close ourselves off from the rest of the world, we do not revel in our pain, we build it into our lives. The stage of acceptance has arrived. Someone at this stage may think about getting a new dog or cat, someone will help the animals in the shelter. And someone will give up the idea of ​​becoming attached to an animal again, knowing that it will inevitably leave. And he will have every right to do so.

Our animals teach us not only simple and pure love, affection, unconditional acceptance. They give us a source of joy and sorrow. They teach us to accept death.

How can a child cope with the death of a dog?

  • Preschoolers and elementary schoolers can choose a game. Simulate and reproduce the death of an animal with toys. If this worries you, you can join the child’s game and bring elements of a constructive experience of loss into it: knock on the game world with a figure of a good fairy, wrap a grieving character in a warm blanket, give him milk to drink, give a magic crystal of “bright memory”.
  • Children under the age of 10–12 tend to be guided by their parents in how they relate to a particular event in life. If mom and dad are not heartbroken, do not forget about the rest of their lives, give themselves time to recover, then children can take an example from their parents. Especially if the topic of death is not taboo in the family and children can talk about it with their parents. In such a situation, the resources of each family member are multiplied and it becomes easier to cope with any stress.

    At the same time, it is important to give the child time for self-healing, so that he can restore himself, using the method that suits him for this.

  • Teenagers, more than anyone else, may need time and trust from adults. Perhaps this is their first independent experience of loss. During this period, if necessary, you can reduce the academic load - the brain needs resources to digest what happened.

Priest's advice

We asked the priest what to do if the pain of parting with an animal does not go away and does not decrease for a long time. Archpriest Sergiy Kruglov answers.

There are no ready-made recipes here —. I will say one thing: here, just as in relation to a deceased loved one, the whole point is our love for the departed, in its quality, which is more in it - namely love or the possessive “I” and the emotions associated with it, illusions, desires. The one you love, whether it be a person, or a cat, or a dog, must be released, do not try to detain him in this mortal world. And to live and endure separation with humility, patience, prayer to God.

With what prayer? How to pray for a dead pet? Do not get hung up on prayer, so to speak, official. For God, it is not important according to what patterns and in what place the prayer is pronounced, whether we pray aloud or not. For Him, it is more important how much faith we put into it (“According to your faith, let it be to you”), how much love.

Prayer for animals is also important because you can’t entrust it to a priest, you can’t get away with submitting a note to the temple, which you could submit about a person, here is a different situation, and you have to do it yourself.

How would I pray, with what words? I certainly wouldn’t selfishly dictate to God what to do, like: “Take my Sharik to heaven!” - and would not put ultimatums: "If you don't accept, I won't believe in You!". And something like this: “God! My pet, whom I love, has died. You are the Creator of heaven and earth, I believe and know that You love us all. It's very hard for me now. What can I do about this heaviness? What can I change when I remember that I didn’t do something for him, I could, but I didn’t add something, I was guilty of something before him? He left, and this is reality, this is the path of all earthly beings. But I believe, Lord, You have made it so that for all who love You, death is only a part of life, that life lives. I entrust myself with my sufferings and the deceased pet into Your hands. And with humility and patience, with hope and all my, albeit not particularly strong, faith, I will wait for You to do everything Yourself.”

How I survived the death of a dog (personal experience)

“I've had a dog all my life, but Akim the Newfoundland was the hardest loss. He lived with us from my very childhood and died when I was already grown up, - says Anna P. - We had to put him to sleep, because he was terminally ill and suffered a lot, but still there was a feeling of guilt.

We did not hesitate to cry, we talked and remembered a lot about him. Now there are pet cemeteries, then it was not so common, and I regret that there was no place left to go. But we had photos and even videos with Akim, which we reviewed. We did not immediately throw away his toys - it was easier for us to hold on to visual memories of what he was.

Today I would definitely turn to a psychologist. I was supported by my best friend, who spent hours listening to my stories about Akim (here it is important to find someone who will listen without commenting “it's just a dog”).

I dreamed of Akim for a long time. Gradually, from constant thoughts about the loss and how he left, we moved on to bright memories of how he came to us as a puppy, played naughty, gnawed books. I know that this does not help everyone, but I finally survived, probably only when, many years later, I had two puppies at once, which I picked up on the street, and then another newf. We all finally resigned ourselves, only touching memories of how Akim lived with us, and the joy that he was with us, remained.

Petr Doroshenko's dog died of natural causes, and the owner believes that it was right for both of them to personally lead the dog on his last journey: “It was more pleasant and calmer for him. I saw (precisely saw, not only heard) his last breath. Trust me, it's not scary." Situations are different, says Petr, but at some point it became clear to him that he would not be able to cure the dog. “The decision was made to stop injecting, dropping and harassing procedures, leave the dog alone, cancel the diet, walk as much as the dog wants,” he recalls. - Oddly enough, even a very sick dog can sometimes jump with his favorite toy like a puppy.

If you have money, bury your dog with dignity. If there is a cottage, then there are no questions at all. And in the city, spend money on that cremation, where they will give you an urn. For me, this is a debt of memory to a friend dog. It’s terrible to imagine that his body can be thrown somewhere.”

“The best thing you can do in memory of your dog is to arrange the fate of another dog by taking it from a shelter, or to save an abandoned dog from death on the street, in the country, in the forest,” says Peter.

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